Mom

Previously on Mom...

Hi. Bonnie. Alcoholic. Others: Hi, Bonnie.

Bonnie: ... is really onto something.

You new?

- Yeah, I guess. - Cool.

We're gonna... grab coffee

with some girls from the meeting.

Do you want to come with us?

So, Jodi, what's your drug of choice?

Yatch, trees, grass.

What are those?

Skis, Buddha, ice.

I'm sorry, what's happening?

Coke, pot, meth.

No alcohol?

Uh, I'm not 21,

so it's harder to get.

Your parents know you're trying to get sober?

My parents don't know I'm alive.

Oh, look.

Our little meth head is still asleep.

Sweetie, you're welcome to stay with us

until you get on your feet,

but... could you get on your feet once in a while?

I got a job.

I'm a barista.

Relax, your sister wouldn't have invited you

to come live with her if she wasn't ready

to give you a second chance.

Or eighth or ninth chance.

Listen, I just wanted to thank you for everything.

It's our pleasure.

Occasionally.

I don't know where I'd be without you guys.

I mean, you literally saved my life.

I love you.

We love you, too.

_

Okay, he is cute.

I do like a man with a nose ring.

At the end of the day,

you can hang him on a hook with your purse.

He works at a tattoo parlor.

He's an apprentice piercer.

Ah, so he's a man with a dream.

He seems terrific, Jodi.

But?

He's only been sober a few weeks,

and you've barely got six months.

But Travis is totally committed to the program.

He even got "one day at a time" tattooed on his neck.

Ooh, he's also got a skull smoking a joint on his chest.

I'm just saying it seems a little soon

for you to be in a relationship.

No, you don't get it.

This guy's different.

How many times have I said that to you?

Well, you've got two kids, so at least twice.

Did you sleep with young Travis yet?

We hang out.

That's a yes.

I know what "hang out" means.

I thought you guys would be happy for me.

I met a great guy.

He's sober, he has a job, he treats me good.

It's almost like you're jealous.

I'm not jealous, I'm just concerned about you.

I'm a little jealous.

The thing is, if you want me to be your sponsor

and you're not gonna take my advice,

then it kind of defeats the purpose.

Well?

Well, can I at least be friends with him?

I don't know. Can you?

Keeping in mind how much guys like to be "just friends"

with hot 19-year-old girls.

Yes, I can.

- Give me your hand. - What?

Just give it to me.

What are you doing?

Giving you your own reminder tattoo.

"Just fliends"?

That's an "R."

Eh, I see an "L."

That's "fliends."

Fine, you have to tell Travis you want to be "fliends."

Okay. Whatever.

I got to get to work.

Thanks for the coffee. Mm.

That's what "fliends" are for.

Bye, Jodi.

You do realize she's going to keep sleeping with him.

Yeah, I know,

but I think I took a little of the fun out of it,

so that's something.

You really love that kid, don't you?

One of the great things about being sober

is I have so much more love to give.

Hmm. I look forward to being the beneficiary of that.

Oh...

Can we get the check?

Hi, come on in.

Thanks.

Is this an okay time?

Sure. What's going on?

I'm just having trouble with Jodi,

and I'm not sure how hard I should push.

Crusty!

Oh, hey, Victor.

Come here, give me hug.

Okay.

Oh my, that's a lot of Old Spice.

Helps me not smell the cats.

Not that I don't love the cats.

- Did you tell her? - Not yet.

Tell me what?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Let me see it again.

Victor buried it in the kitty litter box

so I'd find it when I scooped.

What can I say?

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

So when's the wedding?

Next week.

Next week? Are you pregnant?

We'd already booked an Alaskan cruise for the end of the month,

so we decided to make that our honeymoon.

That's just great.

I'm so happy for the two of you.

Marjorie: Well, thank you.

Now, what's going on with Jodi?

You know what, it's fine.

I can handle it.

Let's talk about throwing you a bachelorette party.

Oh, that's not necessary.

Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

Let me do this for you.

We'll-we'll keep it low-key.

Just me and the girls.

All right. Thank you.

Maybe you can take my sister.

Oh, Victor, that's a great idea.

Ugh.

Well, that's a disturbing piece of pastry.

Yeah, well, you can't really have

a bachelorette party without one.

Think Marjorie will like it?

Who doesn't like a red velvet penis?

Diabetic lesbians?

Why don't you put that in the kitchen?

And no sneaking a lick.

You know, I can't tell you how happy I am for Marjorie.

Yeah, it just goes to show

good things do happen to good people.

Oh, please, you're thinking the same thing I am.

"How the hell is that old crab cake getting married

before any of us?"

Mom, how could you say something that awful out loud?

Well, it's no fun if I just think it.

Isn't this good news for you guys?

I mean, old people can find love, too.

Old people about to knock her on her ass.

- Hey. - Hey!

There's the blushing bride.

Come on in.

Uh, Christy, this is Victor's sister, Anya.

Um...

Anya, this is my good friend, Christy.

So nice to meet you, Anya.

Nice to meet you, too.

Hey, everyone, come meet Anya.

- I'm Jodi. - Wendy.

Hi, Jill.

You must be so excited

your big brother's finally getting married.

Don't I look excited?

Hey, excited, constipated, what's the difference?

Christy: Okay, okay.

Round two of "Who Knows Marjorie Best?"

35 years ago, when Marjorie was homeless in Golden Gate Park,

what famous rock star gave her a dollar and a tab of acid?

- Janis Joplin! - Santana!

- Grace Slick! - The Beatles!

The Beatles?

What? They're old, she's old.

I'm sorry, those are all incorrect. Marjorie?

Jerry Garcia.

That's a real person? I thought it was ice cream.

You were homeless?

Just for a few years.

Let's move it along. Next question.

Marjorie's nickname when she was in jail was... ?

- Killer. - Big Marj.

- Queen Bitch. - Yoda.

Yoda?

Same thing.

He's old, she's old.

Wrong again.

Marjorie?