Scrooge

Hark, the herald angels sing

Glory to the new-born king

Peace on earth and mercy mild

God and sinners reconciled

There'll be no peace on earth with all that noise.

- 'Ere you are, boys. - Thanks, guv'nor.

Come on, hurry up!

Come on, this house here.

Infernal, horrible caterwauling.

Why can't they leave a man in peace?

Get on with your work, Cratchit.

- Merry Christmas! - Get away from here, scavengers.

- Blimey, who's he? - That's Father Christmas!

- A plague on Father Christmas. - He sends his best to you too, guv'nor.

Get back!

Regards to Father Christmas!

Humbug!

Insolent young ruffians coming here with their Christmas nonsense.

Beware, Cratchit, you have a dangerous sense of humour.

Hellfire and damnation! Don't they know I'm trying to run a business here?

Uncle Ebenezer! I cannot tell you what a joy it is to see your happy, smiling face!

- It's you. - Merry Christmas! God save you.

God save me from Christmas. It's a humbug.

A humbug? I'm sure you don't mean that.

I'm sure that I do mean that. Merry Christmas indeed!

- Why so merry? You're poor enough. - Why so miserable? You're rich enough.

There is no such thing as rich enough, only poor enough.

Don't be so dismal.

What else can I be when I live in a world of fools babbling merry Christmas?

Christmas is a time to find yourself a year older and not a day richer.

There's nothing merry in that.

If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about saying merry Christmas

should be boiled with his pudding and buried with a holly stake in his heart.

- God forbid! - Keep Christmas in your way.

- Let me keep it in mine. - But you don't keep it!

Let me... Get off my ledger, you'll ruin my binding.

Let me leave it alone, sir.

And be good enough to leave me alone during business hours.

Seven o'clock, Christmas Eve? That's not business hours. That's drudgery.

- An insult to men of goodwill. - Hear, hear.

Thank you, Bob Cratchit.

Another word from you, Cratchit,

and you will celebrate Christmas by losing your position.

Yes, sir. Sorry, Mr Scrooge.

You're a powerful speaker. I wonder you don't go into politics. You're fool enough.

Come now. Don't be angry. Dine with my wife and me tomorrow.

As though you hadn't got enough problems, you got married.

- Why did you ever do that? - Because I fell in love.

If there's one thing more nauseating than a merry Christmas,

it's the hypocrisy of a happy marriage with some idiot, lovesick female.

Good afternoon, sir.

My offer stands. You're always welcome. Like Christmas itself.

- I said good afternoon. - Merry Christmas.

- You, too, Bob Cratchit, and your family. - Thank you. And to your good lady.

Oh, and Uncle... Happy New Year!

Good afternoon!

Excuse me, sir, but, well, it's seven o'clock, sir.

Correct, Cratchit.

I don't wish to be impertinent,

but would it be too much trouble for me to have my wages?

The trouble with you, Cratchit, is that all you think of is pleasure.

Pleasure and squandering money.

You'll be wanting the whole day off tomorrow, I suppose?

- If it's convenient, sir. - No, sir, it is not convenient.

And it is not fair.

Yet if I stopped your wages for it, you'd think yourself ill-used, no doubt.

And yet you don't think me ill-used when I pay a day's wages for no work.

It is Christmas Day and it is only once a year, sir.

A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every 25th December.

I don't pay good money for you to be forever on holiday.

I appreciate your kindness, Mr Scrooge.

That's my weakness. I'm a martyr to my own generosity.

I give you one Christmas Day off and you expect them all.

- Very well, take the day. - Thank you, sir.

- But be here earlier the next morning. - I will, sir. Thank you.

Oh, and merry Christmas, Mr Scrooge.

Be gone from here and take your infernal merry Christmas with you.

I beg your pardon, sir. No offence, sir.

There's another one.

Fifteen shillings a week, a wife and five children, still talks of a merry Christmas.

Boo! Kathy, my dear! Tim! Oh, you're both frozen!

Sorry I'm late. Mr Scrooge and I had a lot of last minute business.

Well, my loves, which one do you like best, eh?

- I like that dolly in the corner. - I like all of them.

Good boy! Why not one in particular?

You said I can't have none, so I may as well like 'em all.

Tim, you are a philosopher and a gentleman.

- And I've got 15 shillings in my pocket. - 15 shillings!

15 shillings, which says the Cratchits are going to have as good a Christmas

as the Lord Mayor of London himself!

Oh, I do like that dolly in the corner.

Christmas children Peep into Christmas windows

See a world as pretty as a dream

Christmas trees and toys

Christmas hopes and joys

Christmas puddings Rich with Christmas cream

Christmas presents Shine in the Christmas windows

Christmas boxes tied with pretty bows

Wonder what's inside

What delights they hide

But till Christmas morning No one knows

- You've five children. Five for a shilling. - Thank you.

Won't it be exciting if it snows?

I suppose that children everywhere

Will say a Christmas prayer

Till Santa brings

Their Christmas things

I bought you the finest bird in the shop. Well, for one and tenpence ha'penny.

Christmas children Live in a Christmas daydream

Waiting for the magic to unfold

Wondrous things to eat

Every Christmas treat

Rich or not the Christmas pot of gold

Hypnotises children young and old

With your lot, these six-a-penny apples are the best bet.

- I'd rather have the dolly. - I'd rather have the oranges.

- 1846 is the best vintage in 20 years. - At that price, it should be.

- Your change, sir. - Thank you. Happy Christmas.

And to you, sir.

This'll make the finest punch and only tuppence a pint.

Christmas punch, it's a Cratchit speciality.

Fourpence for a Christmas pudding! Scandalous!

- It's Papa! - Oh, goody!

Here we are. Look what we've bought.

About time, too. We were beginning to think you'd gone away for Christmas.

Christmas children Hunger for Christmas morning

Christmas Day's a wonder to behold

Young ones dreams come true

Not-so-young ones too

I believe that story we've been told

You're not the only ones who've been busy. Look what we've been up to.

Christmas is for children young and old

- Good evening, sir. - Good evening, sir.

Have we the pleasure of addressing Mr Scrooge or Mr Marley?

It's no pleasure to be addressed by either of you.

Mr Marley has been dead seven years. Seven years ago this very night he died.

No doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner.

Mr Scrooge, sir.

At this festive season, sir,

it is more than usually desirable that we make some provision for the poor.

Excellent. I suggest you do so.

You miss our point, sir. The poor suffer greatly at the present time.

Thousands lack common necessaries.

- Are there no prisons? - Indeed. There's no shortage of them.

- Are the workhouses still operating? - They are. I wish they weren't.

I'm very glad. I was afraid something had stopped them in their useful purpose.

Oh, but, sir...!

We are trying to raise a fund to provide the poor meat and warmth.

We choose this time because want is keenly felt and abundance rejoices.

- What may we put you down for? - Nothing.

- You wish to be anonymous? - I wish to be left alone, sir.

I don't make merry at Christmas and cannot afford to make idle people merry.

I've been forced to support the places I've mentioned through tax.

They cost more than they are worth. The badly off must go there.

Many would rather die.

Then they had better do it and decrease the surplus population.

Good night, gentlemen.

Humbug!

Poppycock! Balderdash! Bah!

Scavengers and sycophants And flatterers and fools

Pharisees and parasites And hypocrites and ghouls

Calculating swindlers, Prevaricating frauds

Perpetrating evil As they roam the earth in hordes

Feeding on their fellow men Reaping rich rewards

Contaminating everything they see

Corrupting honest men...

...like me!

I hate people!

I hate people!

People are despicable creatures Loathsome, inexplicable creatures

Good-for-nothing, kickable creatures I hate people!

I abhor them

When I see the indolent classes Sitting on their indolent arses

Gulping ale from indolent glasses I hate people!

I detest them! I deplore them!

Knives, scissors or razors to grind.

Fools who have no money spend it Get in debts then try to end it

Beg me on their knees befriend them Knowing I have cash to lend 'em

Soft-hearted me! Hard-working me!

Clean-living, thrifty and kind as can be!

Situations like this are of interest to me

It's Mr Scrooge.

Two pounds five shillings due before Christmas. That means today.

We've been giving more credit than usual...

That's your business. Mine is to collect two pounds five shillings.

We sell things for children, and people can't afford...

Neither can I afford it.

However, I will allow you an extra week's credit...

Oh, thank you, Mr Scrooge.

...which will only cost you a further 12 shillings.

12! But we scarcely make that much in a week!

If you would prefer me to confiscate your stall and its contents,

which is my legal right, I will do so.

- We'll pay, sir. - You will both sign this.

Knives, scissors or razors to grind.

- And you can give me a pair of these. - Certainly, Mr Scrooge.

Oh, look, there's that lovable Father Christmas again.

Merry Christmas, sir. Penny for the baby, sir?

Penny for the baby?

I hate people I loathe people