The Angry Video Game Nerd

This game sucks.

Castlevania 1 and 3 are great classic Nintendo games,

but for Castlevania 2, Simon's Quest, the game designers obviously were not thinking straight.

At first it seems like a pretty decent game, a little different from the first in the series but, that's okay.

Zelda 2 was different from the first, Mario 2 was different but they were all good.

The first thing that's strikingly different is the fact that you have to go through towns, talk to people and buy stuff.

I never really minded that, it makes it a little more like an adventure story and it's kinda like Zelda, so that's okay.

But the first problem comes in when it changes from day to night.

Why does this need to happen so often, like every five minutes?

Why does it take so long?

Nobody feels like sitting through this every time.

How would you like it if you were playin' a game and then every five minutes I came over and paused it then counted ten tedious seconds and then let you continue play the game?

Now, I mean, why did they think that that would be a good idea and interrupt the game play?

Did they think it would be more realistic?

I mean in real life I don't have to stop in my tracks when the sun sets and a fuckin' box doesn't pop up in the air.

I mean this is one of the most annoying features in any game ever.

What's the point?

Yeah the, I mean, the monsters are stronger at night and the stores are closed,

but why's that necessary and why does the game have to stop? It's fuckin' retarded.

And why do you have to die when you fall in the water?

That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen, this guy can go all over fightin' hordes of evil monsters,

but he can't even fuckin' swim?

Sometimes I don't feel like goin' down the stairs just to get down to ground level,

I mean there's no reason I should have to do that when I can just take a shortcut and jump down.

But opps, I shouldn't do that, there might be water down there.

Another thing that's really annoying about this game, is the fact that you have to buy weapons and items.

I mean still that's not uncommon, you know like I said that's the same thing you have to do in many great games like Zelda, but, lemme explain.

Here you have to collect hearts, which count as money,

I mean that's kinda odd, because usually hearts count as life or energy, y'know, so that's kinda strange,

but, y'know that's not the point.

The point is that the items you need to buy are too fuckin' expensive, and the hearts don't add up enough.

It takes too long to get enough of them to buy something,

and it gets boring wandering around killing the same monsters over and over again just so you can buy a Flame Whip or somethin'.

Speaking of Flame Whip, that's pretty weird itself isn't it,

I mean, they were really being creative with that one, the FLAME WHIP.

Anyway, about the hearts.

It takes too long to buy stuff, and, to add onto the problem, when you die, you lose all your hearts and you have to start all over again.

I mean doing this doesn't add to any of the games difficulty or challenge,

it just makes us have to do more of the same monotonous stuff over again, and it's not fun, it's boring.

Oh look, I finally got enough hearts to go and buy a plant that I need to cross the swamp, now let me get to the store.

Oh shit, it's fuckin' nighttime, now the stores are all closed and I have to wait for it to turn day again.

Oh well, I might as well kill some zombies in the mean time and stock up on some more hearts.

OH SHIT, now I gotta start all over again.

One of the worst things in the game are the Pitfalls which are areas where there's like stones or blocks that look like you could walk on them,

but instead you just fall through.

It's impossible to tell where these spots are the first time walkin' through,

so you just have to keep throwin' Holy Water all over to see where they are.

It's retarded. Why should I have to do that?

Again it doesn't add up to any of the fun, y'know, challenge of the game,

it's just unfair and it's annoying.

In the dungeons, there's no bosses at the end, which is a big disappointment.

Every Nintendo gamester knows that at the end of a level or a dungeon labyrinth whatever there's always supposed to be a big guy who ya fight,

but here, they just got lazy and only put a few bosses in the game and left some of the dungeons just empty like this one.

So most of the dungeons you go through, the mansions to be exact, there's nothing at the end except for a crystal orb that you can't touch.

In the rest of the Castlevania games the tradition goes like this.

You fight a boss, you defeat 'em, then an orb comes down and you touch it, there you go, on to the next level.

But in Castlevania II, how would you ever figure out that you're supposed to throw an Oak Stake at that orb.

I mean when you first get the Oak Stake you assume it's a weapon,