The Honeymoon Machine

Missile away.

A green bird true on course.

Grand bahama report on sighting.

Grand bahama reporting, missile honeymoon overhead.

Velocity one-four-triple o.

Pardon me, sir.

Thank you.

Computing room reports an increase

in predicted takeoff altitude.

We'll be a little behind schedule, sir.

How much?

E.t.a. Plus three minutes, forty seconds.

Mr. Eldridge,

you said the missile would land where?

The missile won't land at all, senator.

It'll be consumed by friction

as it enters the earth's atmosphere.

But the nose cone will zero in

off our bow six miles away.

Mr. Eldridge, just out of idle curiosity,

yes, sir?

Suppose the nose cone yes, sir?

Six miles too soon, perhaps here on deck.

What would that mean?

Among other things, senator, it would mean

that the electronic brain aboard this vessel

had made a slight mistake.

Which it never does.

Would you care to see the brain at work?

Right.

Would you care to see the brain at work?

I think the senators are excellent security risks.

Right this way, gentlemen.

Thank you.

Beyond this panel lies the cortex of the brain,

the seat of its intelligence.

Technically, the brain is known as

"magnetic analyzer computer synchrotron."

His friends call him "Max."

Like the human brain, Max has no moving parts.

His gray matter consists of four thousand vacuum tubes

and 170 miles of fine wire,

electronic nerves producing intense

powers of concentration.

You don't mean Max actually thinks?

As we understand thinking, no.

But he has a superhuman memory

and a super-analytical mind.

Since the missile left its launching pad,

Max has been keeping

a running prediction of its course.

He's telling us now that the cone will hit its Mark

in exactly 1 minute and 4 seconds.

Let's go, gentlemen.

Out of bearing 0-0-3 degrees.

Distance, 12,100 yards.

Right on the nose, sir.

6 miles, 100 yards.

Congratulations, Mr. Eldridge.

Thank you.

Incredible. It's amazing.

Attention all Navy and civilian personnel.

This is captain Adams speaking.

Operation honeymoon has been completed

you'll be proud to learn that your ship has tracked

an I.C.B.M. Across 6,000 miles of ocean

with an accuracy never before attained

in the history of telemetry.

For your efforts...

Throw that doodle on the floor.

- Right there. - You're covered.

And this, my friend, declares the same.

Fergie, roll them strong and true.

The point I was using, gentlemen, is little Joe.

Little Joe from kokomo.

He did it again.

Old buddy, you're hotter than a $2 pistol.

Gentlemen, we will shoot the 200.

And while congratulations are in order,

let us not forget our top-secret friend Max.

Max, who predicted with such accuracy

the course of the missile.

Max, predict us now, predict us, Max, a 7.

And if you can't predict us a 7, then predict us an 11.

I was praying to Max.

Don't pray to Max...

Pray to me, I've got the dice.

And I predict a 7.

Fergie, the great predictor, greater than Max, who knows all.

Who needs Max when we have the great Fergie?

Valuable data, will now with the aid

of electronic equipment enlarge...

Snake eyes, craps and out.

Buddy, what happened?

I should have prayed to Max.

Come on, Fergie, you're still rolling.

Pass.

Should feel proud and honored to be part

of this gigantic undertaking.

You have seen history in the making here today.

I might even say history of your making.

We cannot decorate Max, but we can salute him as I salute you.

Well done.

I'm just asking, that's all.

Is it possible for Max to predict the throw of a dice.

Fergie, before answering,

you aren't planning some sort of little coup

against your brother officers?

Of course not... I'm just interested scientifically.

Look, forget about the dice.

Think of a roulette wheel.

Could Max tell in any single spin of the wheel

what number might show up?

Let's examine the problem.

A roulette wheel is made by human hands.

Since no two human beings are alike,

the same is true of human contraptions.

Roulette wheels?

They have irregularities.

A bearing worn a thousandths of an inch.

A table tilted a hundredth of a degree.

A ball that isn't perfectly rounded.

A roulette wheel like this will not and cannot perform

according to the laws of chance.

Therefore, given such a wheel and given a fair sample

of what numbers it has spun in the past...

Feeding those numbers to Max's memory organ.

With coordinates based on 360 degrees it is just possible...

What's on your mind?

Jason, are you a wealthy man?

I'm a scientist.

All scientists are poor. It's a law.

How would you like to be the first rich scientist in history?

I wouldn't fight it.

I happen to know the fleet is heading north tomorrow.

Barcelona, Rome, venice.

I also happen to know that in venice there is a casino.

And in that casino... Is a roulette wheel.

Sharp thinking.

And what do we do? Smuggle Max in?

I doubt if they'll let him bet.

I was thinking, if we left someone aboard ship

to look after the technical end,

we could communicate with Max from shore,

say with a signal lamp.

Feed him the numbers,

get his answers while you and I put down

a couple of well-considered wagers.

Am I getting through to you?

One thing I'm not sure of.

What?

Why do you want to spend 10 years in the brig?

Do you realize what they could do to you for this?

Jason, just answer my question can Max do it?

Yes or no?

Newton couldn't do it.

Einstein couldn't do it.

A million geniuses with slide rules couldn't do it.

But this fellow can do it.

Well, then.

Hello, Max.

What are the facts?

Holy cow.

What a layout.

In the bedroom, my good fellow, thank you.

Hello, room service, please, servizio Romeo grazie.

Fergie, are we going to live here?

Why?

Is it big enough?

Don't the furnishings meet with your approval?

I don't know.

It kind of looks like a place I'd promised

my wife I'd stay out of.

I'd say one thing, this sightline was made to order.

Beau, set up the blinker; We'll give Max a trial flash.

Servizio Romeo?

Suite 4-6.

Would you please send up two bottles of scotch,

two bourbon, two vodka, one gin,

one vermouth, one cognac.

If I have any afterthoughts, I'll give you a buzz.

Grazie.

One afterthought might be a liquor license.

Who's going to pay for all of that?

My friends, it's about time we started living in a style

in which we are about to become accustomed.

Here you go, my good fellow.

Beau, let me have a little cash, will you?

How much?

That'll do.

Buy yourself a gondola?

Grazie, signor.

Mille grazie.

Well, you gave that man 6,000 lire.

Piddling $7.

$9 and 57.68 cents.

So? He'll remember us.

He might even remember us at the court-martial.

You can't be court-martialed but I can.

And I'm getting worried.