The X-Files

You're flooding it, booger.

- -

For god's sake, Izzy.

Here she comes. Let's go.

Come on, man. Come on.

- You gotta be kiddin'. - What?

Don't "what" me, Izzy, or you ain't goin' to no comic book convention.

I'm 18. I can go anywhere I want.

Yeah, but where you gonna live when you get back?

Mom, we gotta get going.

you drive careful, booger.

He's the only son I've got. Okay, miss b.

I'm about to introduce you to a woman...

Who three years ago was delivered the surprise of her life.

After nine months of what seemed like a normal pregnancy,

Doctors delivered to Delores a very special child.

A mother of two beautiful children,

Delores held in her arms a boy with fur like a dog...

And a hairline like Eddie Munster.

She's here with us today with her real-Live, but sleeping wolf baby.

Why not just give him a razor and some shaving cream?

He's gonna be shaving in a couple of years anyway.

actually, he seems to be quite allergic to shaving cream.

so they don't tease him?

no, he's quite popular.

Is dandruff a problem?

No, I wash his hair twice a day, and brush a hundred strokes at night.

I can't believe this. [ Springer ] good for you.

I think the question the audience really wants answered is--

# song

# song

# Loneliness # - Hello?

# Is the cloak you wear #

Who's there?

# Deep shade of blue #

# Is always there #

# The sun ain't gonna shine anymore #

# The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky #

# The tears are always clouding your eyes #

# When you're without love #

X-Files Season 5 Episode 05 - Post-modern Prometheus

"dear special agent Mulder, I'm writing to you for help.

"Several years ago, I had an experience I could not explain.

"I was lying in my bed when I felt a presence in the room.

"Though I was awake, I felt something had taken control over my body.

"I don't remember much else, but I woke up three days later pregnant with my son, Izzy.

"That was 18 years ago, but now it happened again.

"I was in bed and could swear I heard Cher singing,

"The one who was married to sonny.

"Then the room got all smoky...

"And I saw some kind of monster.

"He had a really gross face with lumps all over his head.

"I was too scared to scream.

"Then I got all groggy and conked out for three days.

"Guess what happened when I woke up?

"I got your name off the TV.

"Some lady on the Jerry Springer show, who had a werewolf baby,

"Said you came to her house.

"Well, I got her story beat by a mile.

So maybe you'll want to come see me too. Sincerely, Shaineh Berkowitz."

Scully, do you think it's too soon to get my own 1-900 number?

So, did you actually see that werewolf baby or was that just a story?

No, it had something called hypertrichosis lanuginosa.

It's a rare hereditary condition most commonly found in some south American families.

Uh-Huh.

But he was all hairy and stuff?

Uh, Mrs. Berkowitz, you said that you also had a son?

Mm-Hmm. Izzy. That's him there.

and Izzy is the product...

Of your union with some kind of intruder?

I don't know about no union, but I woke up in a condition.

- Did you report this to the police? - Of course I did.

was there an investigation?

Not really. Nobody here ever locks their doors.

And it took me a month or two to figure out that I was pregnant.

Now you're pregnant again? uh-Huh.

But as I told agent Mulder on the phone, that's what takes the cake.

Mrs. Berkowitz had a tubal ligation two years ago.

You can't plant a seed in a barren field.

They were cooking something on the range.

Took me two days of scrubbing to clean the skillet.

I don't know how many of them there were.

I only saw the one, but they ate almost a whole damn jar of peanut butter.

You said you were gone for three days, but nobody missed you.

- I know what you're thinkin'. - Do you drink, Mrs. Berkowitz?

No, but I'm not so sure my intruders, as you call them, didn't have a few.

Somebody set a tumbler here and didn't use no coaster.

Hmm.

That's a family heirloom too.

Is there no chance that your son could have put it there?

Izzy's got more brains than that. Not much more, but he values his life.

That pigsty there is his room.

You know what this thing is, don't you, agent Mulder?

Why do you say that?

'Cause you're all quiet and stuff.

And you know something you're not saying about alien abductions.

They said on Jerry Springer you're like an expert.

I don't think this has anything to do with alien abductions.

I don't even know if I believe in that anymore.

Oh, come on. Really? [ Scully ] Mrs. Berkowitz?

You gave a description of the intruder.

You said he had a gross face and lumps on his head?

And two mouths. I don't know if I mentioned that.

Funny. Sounds just like this.

oh, that.

That's "the great mutato."

That's the comic book character my kid, Izzy, created.

What's going on?

These are agents Mulder and Scully from the F.B.I.

The federal bureau of investigation? We were wondering...

How this suspect in your mother's case looks exactly like this?

The great mutato.

Because I've seen him too.

You've seen the great mutato? Yeah.

A lot of people around here have.

Has it crossed neither of your minds what you say you saw that night...

Fits perfectly with this creature that your son created?

Yeah, but...

That don't mean it didn't happen.

Don't ask me why, but it works.

Peanut butter sandwiches?

You think bologna would be more effective?

Why are you humoring them, Mulder?

I'm not humoring them. This is a very serious crime.

So is perjury.

So is calling out F.B.I. Agents under false pretenses.

For the purpose of what?

Isn't it obvious?

I think what we're seeing here is an example...

Of a culture for whom daytime talk shows and tabloid headlines...

Have become a reality against which they measure their lives.

A culture so obsessed by the media and a chance for self-Dramatization...

That they'll do anything to gain a spotlight.

I am alarmed that you would reduce these people to a cultural stereotype.

Not everybody's dream is to get on Jerry Springer.

Psychologists often speak of the denial...

Of an unthinkable evil or a misplacement of shared fears,

Anxieties taking the form of a hideous monster...

For whom the most horrific human attributes can be ascribed.

What we can't possibly imagine ourselves capable of...

We can blame on the ogre, on the hunchback, on the lowly half-Breed.

Common sense alone will tell you that these legends,

These unverified rumors, are ridiculous.

But, nonetheless, unverifiable,

And, therefore, true in the sense that they're believed to be true.

Is there anything that you don't believe in, Mulder?

shh.

What's that sound?

It's the great mutato.

Where'd it go?

I don't know. I lost it.

There! Up there!

Turn that damn thing off!

- You're on my property! - We're with the F.B.I.

- They're not! - We were--

We were chasing what they told us was a monster.

Monster? What'd I tell you boys?

There ain't no monster. I'll show you the monster you're looking for.

- Who sent you here? - Your father.

My father is a simpleton farmer.

He understands nothing of my scientific achievements.

What achievements are those?

What makes you thing you'd understand them any better?

Well, I'm a scientist, for one.

Then you probably know that once in a generation,

Perhaps once in a lifetime, a truth is uncovered...

Which thrusts mankind into a shocking new consciousness,

Turning accepted notions of our very existence on their head.

Consider relativity, double helix.

And now the homeotic hox gene, for which I will undoubtedly...

Have my place among the columbuses of science as a visionary leader of men.

- Yes? - What do you want me to do with these, dr. Pollidori?

Never mind.

What is the homeotic hox gene?

She's a scientist. Ask her.

I, uh, I believe that it has something to do with, um...

Growth and development.

If you two will excuse me, I really don't have time for this.

I have to travel tonight to the university of Egostat...

To deliver an international address.

Sir, unless you want your scientific achievements...

To end up as a footnote on the jerry Springer show,

I suggest you make the time.

Jerry Springer show?

Witness the morphogenesis of drosophila.

The fruit fly.

What you're watching has been going on for a millennia,

Since the Cambrian period some 580 million short years ago...

When drosophila was first born.

Notice the elegant symmetry with which the pupae grows...

Into a series of beautiful segments.

What we have found--

What I have found...

Is that these segments represent a linear model...

For the genetic development of our friend the fly.

Each gene is responsible...

For the development of its corresponding segment.

The legs, the mouth, the body, posterior and anterior.

But which I, through my genius,

Can alter into a creation of my own.