Angel from Hell

Previously on "Angel from Hell"...

Geez, I'm so sorry.

No worries, accidents happen.

I'll bet you're a very sweet person, Dr. Allison.

- How did you know my name? - It's me, Amy, from the farmers' market.

- Who's this bit o' honey? - I'm Brad. I'm the brother.

Your mother died 412 days ago. And since then you've buried yourself

in work, buried yourself in a relationship.

How do you know all that stuff?

Honey, I'm your guardian angel.

He's working on boning your best friend.

Evan and I hooked up.

- It's not that I believe you're an angel. - But?

I could use a weird friend.

Do they come any weirder? (chuckles)

Breakfast burritos are so good.

They should make dinner burritos.

That's a billion-dollar idea,

Brad, it's called burritos.

I was realizing that as I said it.

Well, thanks for taking me out, guys.

Third day in a row. It's delicious.

Yeah, but you didn't finish it. Are you okay?

You're not still upset about Evan?

Honey, you got to eat.

Did you not get enough guac?

Do you need more guac?

My sister just had her heart broken

and she's running low on guac.

Guys, I'm fine about the breakup.

Still bring that guac.

We're all hurtin'.

Is that Evan again?

He's not still calling!

He keeps texting, trying to apologize.

All right, say the word and we will exact Fuller justice.

Yeah.

Remember, I'm from Brooklyn.

Dad, you left Brooklyn when you were one

- and moved to L.A. - Very formative year.

And I did wrestle in high school.

So you get me a referee and a mat

and make sure we weigh the same,

and Fuller justice will be served.

Guys, please don't do anything.

I just want to bury this chapter of my life.

- Buried alive. Got it. - Stop it. Leave it alone.

- All right, we'll take the high road. - Yeah.

- View's better from up there anyway. - I got to get to work.

Me, too. Houses don't sell themselves, people.

Actually, lately they do. The market is super hot right now.

I'm just baking open house cookies and cashing checks.

- Then why'd you make Dad pay? - Hmm? Oh.

I'm so sorry, guys... I should probably take this.

- That's my phone. - I should take this.

Uh-huh. Uh, I think I'm gonna stay here

and finish up my paperwork.

My first appointment canceled. Turns out it wasn't

a mole... She slept on a chocolate chip.

- Good news. - Yeah.

- I'll see you at the office. - Okay.

I can't believe how little your family talks about sex.

I actually found myself reading the newspaper.

Oh, it's gonna be so much more fun

being your guardian angel now that I can just

walk up to you and say...

You're working too hard

and you're not having enough fun.

Okay, um, hi. How are you?

I'm wonderful!

Wow. Um, okay, where to start?

- Well, I did say we could be friends. - Yes,

and that is a legally binding statement.

So, when am I gonna get to meet the old family, huh?

- I'm gonna think of you like a tattoo. - Oh, good.

Yeah, you're cool, bigger than expected,

and it's best if my family never finds out about you.

No, no, no. I got it. It's kind of complicated

to introduce me to your family, especially when you can't reveal

that I'm your guardian angel.

Yeah. Now, you know

- you can't reveal that, right? - I was kind of

hoping you would stop revealing it.

Oh. Can we have this conversation someplace else?

I'm getting a little freaked out by all the crazy talk.

Crazy talk? Allison, that is not very PC.

And it's called Spanish.

- I was talking about you, - Oh.

and I would rather have this conversation

- when people are not around. - Oh.

Where would that be, where we could have

this conversation with no people around?

Would you like to come by my house later?

Yeah, sure.

That could be totally awesome.

- Mm. - Yeah.

- Okay, then. So... - Ah, no, I hear you.

Until-until tonight at your house.

Oh, and, uh, don't worry...

I know exactly where you live.

Wait. What?

You've been to my house?

S01E02 Face Your Fears

Wow, I can't believe I'm in your house.

- And you're awake. - Huh.

The line between stalker and angel seems very thin.

Mm. And I can tell there's

a part of you that doesn't believe

- I'm your guardian angel. - Oh, it's...

all of me that doesn't believe

you're my guardian angel.

But I am curious just how many cars

are on this crazy train, so...

why don't you tell me a little bit

about how you see the world.

Worlds. There's nine worlds.

Ask me anything you like.

So, why do I need a guardian angel?

There are so many people

that need a guardian angel more than I do.

Well, and they all have them.

You see, guardian angels are like herpes.

Everyone has a version of it

that they don't know about.

And no matter how hard they try,

they can't get rid of us.

Sweet ad campaign.

So if these angels are... everywhere,

why is there zero evidence that they exist?

Oh, my goodness, there's evidence everywhere.

99% of all coincidences are angels pulling strings.

And the other one percent?

The one percent... They control everything.

Do you not get The Wall Street Journal?

So you've been protecting me my whole life?

Yep. Except the time you were kicked by the cow.

See, because I also wanted to see what would happen if you

- pulled its tail. - So if you're an angel,

- do you fly? - No. We are flightless...

Which technically makes us poultry.

- Do you feel pain? - No. But that might be the codeine.

- Do you talk to God? - Oh, Allison, do the people

at the Apple Store talk to Tim Cook?

So, what would be the one thing that people

would be surprised to learn about angels?

We can catch anything that's thrown to us.

- What does that mean? - Throw me something.

Whoa. Not bad.

My job...

is to protect you.

And if I miss something...

I've failed.

Impressive. (chuckles)

So, you're like an unpaid bodyguard.

No, we don't just guard. We teach lessons.

Lessons? Really? What kind of lessons do you teach?

Piano? Swim lessons?

Oh, we don't swim, Allison.

: We're not water goblins.

No, we teach life lessons.

In fact, it's probably the biggest,

most important part of my job.

So, what am I to learn from a woman

whose fly is currently open?

The value of a gentle breeze.

And now that you've learned that, let's move on

to the next lesson: confronting your biggest fear.

You know what that is?

I don't know. Uh, clowns? Spiders?

Well, those are fears and they should be confronted,

but I'd put those more in the category of yikesies.

No, this is, like, the scary stuff.

The stuff that when you leave your house in the morning,

you say: Oh, man, I hope I don't have to face this today.

Kelly.

Yes, Calleigh.

Kelly...

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.

- Is my oldest friend... - Right.

- And we had a fight... - Brutal falling out.

I remember it perfectly.

Because if I didn't remember it,

I'd get in trouble with my supervisor

for being drunk on the job. (chuckles)

- It was a couple of months ago, - Couple months ago.

- And we were going out for her birthday... - Your birthday.

- No, her birthday. - Her birthday, right.

Okay, please let me tell the story.

Okay, please, go ahead.

Thanks for taking me out on my birthday.

Well, I'm sorry it doesn't beat your tenth birthday

when we went to the New Kids on the Block concert.

Uh, yeah! I still can't believe I caught Joey Mclntyre's sock.

- You found that sock on the ground. - I caught it.

- It was his sock. - No.

It can't be a random sock, Allison...

I've kissed it too many times.

I'm sorry Hank forgot your birthday.

Yeah, it's par for the course.

Well, it shouldn't be.