Columbo

The test of light on the lady, please.

Raise your left hand, and what do you see?

I see a person with her left hand raised.

That's what you're supposed to see, Paula.

We're still calibrating.

Talk to me, Dr. Hull.

My name is Paula Hull. My doctorate is in parapsychology.

I'm the director of...

the Anneman Institute for Psychic Research,

and I feel very silly...

talking about myself like this.

Also, every thing I just said is a lie.

Too early to tell.

Anybody got a question for Dr. Hull?

How old are you, Paula?

Inadmissible question.

All right, we'll ask something else.

What is the head of the Institute doing...

in the isolation chamber?

I don't see why the assistants should...

have all the fun. I just thought,

I'd try it myself this time.

False.

Not yet, Mr. Blake. We're still calibrating.

But the answer does appear false.

Ooh, what do you say to that, Paula?

If you really wanna know, I'm here,

because I damn well don't trust anybody else.

Please, Paula.

I have to calibrate my own machine.

The test'll be difficult enough. No jokes, please.

Polygraph ready.

For the official record,

it is Monday, March 14th,

the third of our series of tests...

establishing the telepathic capabilities of...

our subject, Mr. Elliot Blake.

Again, we are being observed by a distinguished panel of...

CIA and Pentagon officials.

Let us begin.

Dr. Hull,

you'll find in front of you a deck of Zener cards.

Please shuffle the deck thoroughly,

and cut it.

Ready.

Now place the deck face down...

in front of you.

When I say begin,

you will turn over the cards,

one by one, and name each card.

Whether you name each card...

correctly or incorrectly is entirely up to you.

Is that clear?

Yes.

Now, Mr. Blake,

you will attempt to determine,

to the best of your ability,

whether Dr. Hull's statements are...

true or false. Is that clear?

Perfectly.

Very well. Test number one. Begin.

I'm looking at a circle.

False.

Test number two.

Square.

True.

Test number three.

Cross.

Mr. Blake?

False.

Test 399.

Circle.

False. No, no, no.

True.

Test 400.

A wavy line.

False.

And that completes our series...

at this time.

The third card after a wavy line is always false.

How many times have we been through this?

I'm sorry, Elliot, I tried.

Try to understand there's a precision to all this.

And it starts with the premise that you will lose your institute,

unless you please the military and Mr. Harrow.

Do you think you've pleased them, Paula?

- No. Not yet. - Not yet.

Because you gave them 74% accuracy when you and I agreed...

to set a level of 86%.

Right. We'll rehearse it again.

The first answer after the square is always true,

unless there's an intervening circle,

and the second answer after a wavy line is always false,

unless that wavy line itself is false.

Or is it true? God, I don't know anymore!

So much for our scientific study of extrasensory perception.

Our Mr. Harrow is not impressed with statistics.

This man is in the market for miracles.

I have the power to astonish him,

you, and the entire world, Paula.

But I am not a dancing dog in a carnival.

Elliot, he will be back tomorrow. We have to show him more.

God, we never should have started this.

We started this for you.

To maintain your funding, my dearest Doctor.

Tomorrow I can resume my work in London.

If that's what you would prefer.

No.

I want you here with me.

Then believe this.

God has blessed me with gifts as far beyond trickery...

as the stars lie beyond this earth.

You're frightened, Paula.

I know.

I always know.

What you're thinking.

What you're feeling.

Mr. Harrow.

Colonel.

Has Dyson arrived yet?

Yes, sir, I believe he has.

The Soviet Union is deeply engaged in psychic research for intelligence purposes.

Now, either they're a pack of fools or we're missing a very important bet.

Take a position, Dr. Hull.

Our position's obvious, Mr. Harrow.

In terms of practical results,

Elliot's scores are the highest ever recorded at this institute.

Well, in that case, the next time we suspect a double agent in our midst,

I'll just frighten him to death with your test scores.

Exactly what do you want of me?

Hard proof of your abilities.

The impossible on demand.

That's a fair description.

For a subject of your qualifications.

What flavor of impossible?

In general terms, a demonstration that you can,

telepathically and precisely,

intercept the thoughts and actions of an enemy. Fair enough?

Nothing is that certain in the field of parapsychology.

Oh, I think we can satisfy Mr. Harrow's fierce thirst for certainty.

On what terms?

Our terms.

Are you willing, Mr. Blake, to submit to one more test?

One conducted by an outside authority?

I have no objections.

Phil.

Mr. Dyson.

I'm sure you're both familiar with Max Dyson.

April fool, Paula.

Say hello to the bogeyman.

This is your authority? A fake magician?

Fake?

I'm a magician. Max the Magnificent.

A pretty good mentalist in my time.

I've certainly learned all the tricks.

You are aware that Mr. Dyson's made a specialty out of dealing with psychics.

The expression is "exposing charlatans."

This institute exposes charlatans.

Good. We ought to get along fine.

You're Elliot Blake.

And you're Max,

the Magnificent.

Just so we understand each other, I've tested hundreds of you people,

your incredible, mystical psychic gifts.

Surely some were genuine.

None. Not a one.

Nothing I couldn't explain and duplicate.

That's in case anyone here has the idea I'm a believer.

So if you still want to play,

these are the protocols.

We'll try some distant viewing.

We'll need a day or two to study the conditions.

If the terms are as straightforward as Magnificent Max,

I think we can make a contribution to his education in psychic phenomena.

We might even make him a believer.

You realize what this means, Mr. Blake?

Yes.

It could mean the end of my career.

Or possibly yours, Max.

Now we shall see.

Yes. Now we shall see.

That's for the past.

Now we're matched against each other.

"Elliot Blake"?

I've been reading about you. European journals.

When did you change your name?

When I got out, Max.

Three years after you.

120 degrees in the shade or...

an afternoon of poker in a Ugandan prison.

I read that in your book.

"Dyson On Mind Reading"

You're giving away our secrets, Max.

We survived the African slammer. Together.

You were a very good student.

Why not?

You taught me everything you knew.

Everything I know.

What are you going to do about the test, Elliot?

I'm gonna try and fool you, Max.