The Black Room

Mommy, mommy, come here.

Yes, Jenny.

- I think Mark's talking in his sleep.

He's having a nightmare.

No, I'm not.

I'm wide awake.

Gosh, I'm sorry.

Can you wait?

- There are three things in this world that cannot wait.

Debt, taxes, and an erection.

Mark, stop it.

Okay, what's going on?

Mark's pounding on the bed and --

Get in bed.

Get in, get under.

I don't wanna hear another word out of you.

I want you to be quiet.

Do you understand?

You have to wake up early, okay?

All right.

- Goodnight. - Be quiet, shh.

Half a buck for your thoughts.

Two hundred a month? Wow.

Hi, I called earlier...about the room.

- Come in. - Hi.

After you.

There's no kitchen.

Oh, that's all right.

I don't intend to cook.

I just want to know one thing up front.

Are there any restrictions?

Restrictions?

No, none.

This isn't the YMCA.

Wow.

This place is really something else.

So many candles.

It's like something out of a dream.

Mm, mm, mm.

- The stereo has a good selection, mostly classical.

I just love the Vivaldi, don't you?

Mm.

- What the former tenants usually did was phone first.

I'm always working in my studio.

If you like, I can just pop in,

light the candles, pour the wine.

The rest is up to you.

Wine, candles, music.

That's really nice of you.

So you really like it, huh?

I love it.

I'll take it.

I've gotta get back on the road.

I've got some clients to see.

There you go.

Uh, come into my studio.

I'll give you a receipt.

- Oh, the keys will be in my receipt.

Plain key fits the outside door,

the brass, windows.

Plain out, brass in.

Tell me about your black room.

What? What about it?

Is it for real?

No.

- Honest? - Mm-hm.

Mm.

Tell me about it anyway.

We share everything, don't we?

Mm-hm.

Please?

Haven't done much of anything to it yet.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

- There's something going on inside your head,

isn't there, Pumpkin?

- Maybe I should get all my frustrations out.

Find a fantasy partner and make a believer out of her.

Foxy. - Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I catch you with any foxy lady,

I'm gonna punch your lights out.

Bet you won't.

- No. - 'Cause I can be sneaky.

No!

Are you gonna be kinky with this fox?

If she wants.

Why aren't you ever with me?

Because...I love you.

Why, you're a drag.

- Adrag? - Oh, yes.

When I was about 16 years old,

I used to go to my uncle's farm in summertimes

for summer vacation. - Mm-hm.

- And sometimes, I'd sleep in the barn with the horses.

The smell of leather used to really turn me on.

- Mm. - Mm-hm.

I remember I used to take the harness

and I used to rub it against my breasts,

and I'd rub it in between my legs,

and that's how I had my first orgasm.

Really?

Mm.

Larry? - Mm-hm?

Make love to me, sweetheart.

Mommy, Mark wet the bed

and it really, really stinks.

It's okay, baby.

Daddy will tell you another fairy tale later.

- Well, Laura and David, that was for you

and I hope the sun always shines

for the two of you out there in sunny Van Nuys, California.

Well, thanks for listening to KLES,

here in sunny southern California.

In a minute, we're gonna run down

the top 15 hits for this week.

Stay tuned to KLES for the weather and sports.

This is Uncle Arty,

I'll be back at five.

- Hi. - Hi.

How far are you going?

How far you wanna go?

- It's too early in the morning for mind games.

Who's playing games?

Okay, get in.

I'll go as far as you want.

How about Beverly Hills?

You know the place?

Like the back of my hand.

Comes with the territory.

You live there?

- No, I live in Santa Monica with my old man.

What's your old man do for a living?

He's a succophite.

What's that?

Something that lives off a parasite. Me.

You work?

I1 go to school.

Why are you being so nice to me?

Well, there's three reasons.

One, I don't have any class today.

Two, my boyfriend fucked me at breakfast.

And three, you are a cutie pie.

- A cutie pie, huh? - Mm-hm.

- What's your name? - It's Lisa.

What's yours?

- Fred. - Fred?

You're full of it.

You're no Fred.

Would you believe Larry?

Look, I can't take you home.

My um...my kids would love you,

but my wife really wouldn't appreciate it.

But I do have this...well,

this nice little place we can go to.

How's that sound?

Sounds great.

You wanna get wrecked?

Yeah, for sure.

Will you tell your wife about us?

Mm-hm, I tell my wife everything I do.

Does she believe you?

No, that's why I tell her.

I hate parsley, mommy.

I hate it, too.

So do I.

Mommy puts parley on everything she makes.

Don't ask me why.

It's because it's good for you.

Larry, will you do me a favor

and don't bug me about the parsley?

- Look, I'll make the steak and eggs on Sunday,

and you leave off the parsley, and everyone will be happy.

Right? - Mm-hm.

It tastes bitter.

Mommy says it's full of vitamins.

- That's right. - And it looks pretty, right?

Okay, okay. I'll tell you what, darling.

You can stay at home all day long

and take care of Mark and Jenny,

and you can clean and cook, and do the laundry,

and I will go out and stock stationary supplies,

and then I'll come home

and nag you about a little sprig of parsley.

Hey, come here.

What? What now?

- Now, now. I'll have to consider the possibility

of putting you into sedation.

Oh, God.

Can't keep my back on you two for a minute.

Hate milk.

- Don't you wanna grow up and be pretty like your mommy?

- Ha ha ha. - Ha ha.

You little brat.

Ah!

Whoa!

How'd you do that?

Come in.

Hi, Jason here?

He's out.