The Adventures of Mark Twain

It all started one day...

...after Tom heard about Becky Thatcher...

...going down to see Saint Louis with the judge.

It just worked on him thinking about her down there having fun.

Time is slipping away, and I'm getting older and older, Huck.

There's no wars breaking out, no continents to explore.

No way a man can make a name for hisself.

And now Becky exploring. What an outrage.

I heard tell the Saint Louis papers been talking about...

...some kind of balloon up there.

Suppose Becky will see it.

But probably not.

-That's it. -What?

All the continents and stuff been discovered by Christopher Columbus.

But for certain sure, nobody has charted the skies.

What the sam hill are you carrying on about?

The balloon in the papers near Saint Louis.

What about it?

You couldn't see an adventure hanging from the end of your nose.

Full steam ahead.

Get your paper right here. Halley's comet coming.

Extra. Extra.

The countryside was humming because of the balloon...

...and folks said there was a comet heading our way.

Penny a paper. Penny a paper.

--like even these ones. He might let me at least...

...you know, get on and walk around....

-It's taken me a long time. -Doomed!

But once lost, I could not find it with a dog.

-Great guns. -Amazing.

Surely, Mr. Twain, you aren't fool enough...

...to actually travel in that fantastic contraption.

The man with a new idea is a fool...

...until the idea succeeds.

Why, Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, whatever are you doing here?

-Nothing. -Why, Becky Thatcher...

...land sakes, what a coincidence...

...you being here the same time as Huck and me.

Isn't he grand?

I got up close so I could see, and he stopped.

He let me shake his hand.

-You shook his--? -Well, that's nothing.

He's invited us to be the first inspectors of his balloon.

-He has? -Is that just more of your hot air?

Come, step lively, Huck. We'd best be getting aboard.

So long, Becky.

Tom....

Where you really going in that thing, Mr. Twain?

Going traveling?

Travel has no longer any charm for me.

I've seen all the foreign countries I care to see...

...except for heaven and hell...

...and I have only a vague curiosity as concerns one of those.

No, friends, I go to meet the comet.

He's not really gonna do that.

-Yes indeed, I surely plan to. -But that's dangerous.

Come on, Huck. Come on, hurry up.

You're nothing but a liar and a stowaway, Tom Sawyer.

You too, Huck Finn.

You mustn't.

I came in with Halley's comet in 1835...

...when I was born.

And I expect to go out with it.

Oh, I'm looking forward to that.

-Welcome to the hurricane deck. -It stopped.

-Whoopee, let's go. -What in tarnation is this thing?

Be careful, Tom.

-Tom, where are you? -Great Scott, what a contraption.

-Huck. -Look at that, Tom.

I thought I saw someone.

Gee willikers.

Look at this.

Huck.

-Whoopee. -Oh, no.

-We're on our way. -Oh, no!

Great Scott, we gotta get off.

Off? What's the matter with you?

Now, I'll be celebrated.

Tom Sawyer, the "aeronort."

-That'll show that Becky Thatcher. -Show her what?

Caught you out, didn't I, Tom Sawyer? You are stowaways.

-Becky, you're no balloon inspector. -Neither are you.

Are you ever gonna catch it when your Aunt Polly gets ahold of--

-Welcome to the hurricane deck. -Boys. Tom. Huck.

-Mark Twain. -And Becky Thatcher.

-How did he know our names? -Hello, my angelfish.

More every day you remind me of my wife, Livy, God rest her.

Same combination of innocence and sand.

Same carefree laugh of a girl.

What happened to Livy, Mr. Twain?

To the helm. We've work to do.

Mr. Twain, there's been some kind of an accident.

I think a miscalculation.

-Not by a considerable sight. -But we're taking off.

What a view.

-How are we gonna get down? -You keep a tight tongue, Huck.

-This is bully up here, Mr. Twain. -This is glorious.

-Did we ever strike it lucky. -Yeah.

-How high are we? -How are we gonna get back down?

-Down is not our destination, my boy. -Oh, no.

You mean we're--?

-Where are we going? -To Halley's comet.

Halley's comet?

-We'd get-- -Burned to a crisp.

It will be the greatest disappointment of my life...

...if I don't meet up with that comet.

-Have a look back here. -The man's plumb crazy.

-I wanna show you something. -Well, I'm not. You stick with me.

See here. Now, we cross the Atlantic...

...catch this trade wind...

...to where the comet's parabola comes close to the Earth.

Or close enough.

How come a writer knows so much about piloting and navigating?

Because long before I was a writer, I was a Mississippi riverboat pilot.

Say, that's an uncommon fine frog.

Well, that's Homer.

You know, it was a frog like Homer that put me in the writing business.

I wrote a story about The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.

That's right here.

Home of Jim Smiley and his famous frog, Dan'l Webster.

Famous frog?

Will you tell me what in tarnation a frog could do to get hisself famous?

Oh, Tom.

I've been trying everything I know, and I ain't even a little bit famous yet.

Well, I'll tell you all about him.

Just as it was told to me.

What a fellow, that Jim Smiley.

Always betting on anything that turned up.

Only thing is, he made sure he won every bet.

He catched a frog one day and took him home...

...and said he'd calculate to educate him.

All a frog wants is educating...

...and he can do most anything.

And so he never done nothing for three months...

...but sat in his back yard and learned that frog to jump.

And you bet he did learn him too.

All right, Dan'l, let's just see how far you can go.

Come on back now. One for accuracy.

Smiley knew a sucker when he saw one.

What might that be you got in the barrel?

Well, it might be a parrot.

Might be a canary, maybe.

But it ain't.

It's only just a frog.

So it is.

What's he good for?

Well, he's good enough for one thing I should judge.

He can out-jump any frog in Calaveras County.

Well, I don't see no points about that frog...

...that's any better than any other frog.

Maybe you just don't understand frogs.

Anyway, I got my opinion...

...and I'll just rest 40 dollars...

...that he can out-jump any frog in Calaveras County.

Well, I'm only a stranger here.

I ain't got no frog.

But if I had a frog, I'd bet you.

That's all right. I'll go get you a frog.

You hungry, frog?

Smiley went to the swamp...

...and slopped around in the mud for a long time.

Finally, he fetched a frog...

...and fetched him in to give him to this fellow.

Eurekee!

-Here he comes. -There's your frog.

The likes of that....

Putting my money on Smiley's frog.

-Me too. -Count me in.

Now then, if you're ready, set him alongside of Dan'l...

...with his forepaws even with Dan'l's...

...and I'll give the word.

On your marks, get set...

...get!

Come on, jump. Get in there, boy, would you?

What's the matter with you? Will you start jumping?

I said, get.

Get off that starting line. Get going.

-Get off of that-- -Jump there. Come on now.

-Oh, no. -Will you just jump?

Jump. Jump, frog. Get going.

-We won, frog. -What do you mean, you won?

Dag blame it, Smiley. That was the last 40 dollars I had.

Well, as I said before...

...I don't see no points about that frog that's any better than any other frog.

I do wonder...

...why in tarnation that there frog just give up.

Wonder if there ain't something the matter with him.

Appears to look mighty baggy somehow.

Why, blame my cats...

...if he don't weigh 50 pounds!

I've been hornswoggled!

He was the maddest man.

He took out after that fella, but he never catched him.

Shucks, I could write a better story than that one.

Tom!

That's what I said myself when I heard it.

It was a big success all the same.

I became a writer.

I haven't worked a day since.

-Now, that's a job I'd like to get. -If you get out of here alive.