Khair And Baraka (خير و بركة)

Where is she? Where is she?

Where is she, man?

-Watch it! -Where is she?

-Where is she? -What? What is it?

It's that stupid kid, Khair.

-He hasn't hurt anyone yet. -What should we do?

What can we do about these stupid kids messing the place up all the time?

-Thank God his brother isn't with him. -I want what's mine!

I want what's mine!

Where is she?

Where is she? Mom will beat the shit out of us!

Where is Souad, assholes?

Souad is on the table.

-I'm going to get her! -Wait.

-My son! My son! -My eyes!

My son's face is burned!

My son's been disfigured!

Put some beans on his face! He'll feel better!

Let's go!

Where will you run, Souad? It's a small world.

Seems you'll only learn the hard way.

No bloodshed! No bloodshed, dear bro.

-There's no other way. -Are you happy now?

See what you made him do?

I'll cut off your legs so you can't run.

-You'll be helpless. -Right.

Brother! Brother!

Run for your life.

Run for your life.

To live or not to live... I don't care.

You'll live.

You'll live and tell your children about this heroic day.

You'll tell them you were a real hero,

that you showed such bravery on the battlefield. You'll live!

Brother.

-What are you doing, you idiot? -I'm sucking the poison out of your hair.

-What are you sucking? -You'll live. You won't die.

-Dad. -Let's go, man.

I can see you, Dad.

-May you rest in peace, Dad! -You were... What's going on?

-What? -After you tied that around my brain,

-it feels like I don't have one. -Is that new?

-I'm going to get you, Souad! -Let's go!

-Wait. -Can you give us your bike, Captain?

What?

You'll do the people of Giza a great service.

Oh, my God!

CACTUS GARDEN

-Mom, it hurts! -It's okay.

-My dear son. -Mom!

-It's okay, dear, be strong. -Oh, God!

Darling, I'm almost done.

-One more, then you can rest. -Oh, God!

Let me see, where are these thorns?

Find them if you can.

Your hair is pricklier then the thorns.

Here it is.

A chicken did all this to you?

-Don't worry, we know where it is. -Where is it?

-It went to the pyramids. -The pyramids?

She got on a bus heading to Talbiya. I know a guy there.

He can get us the chicken for 20,000 pounds.

May 20,000 demons possess you! Are you an idiot?

How much is the chicken worth?

It's worth 15 pounds, but I'm telling you, this guy I know in Talbiya is powerful.

He doesn't live there, he lives abroad.

He'll come back just to get us the chicken.

I raised you all these years for nothing. Such a waste of effort!

Waste of effort? We just want you to be happy with us, Mom.

We'll do whatever you want, Mom.

Where do you find kids like us these days? Just be grateful you have us, Mom.

Your mean aunt is here.

-Should I get the door, Mom? -I will.

No, dear, wait. You got the door twice last month.

You got it twice the month before.

-You bought new clothes. -You said the Eid prayer, I didn't.

So what?

-What? -Shut up, both of you.

Go get changed, put something nice and smart on.

Fine, but talk kindly to us, Mom.

Go! I have two complete idiots!

Welcome, it's so good to see you.

-Come on in. -Come in, kid.

Come in, kid, put the tank here.

The journey has exhausted me.

It's okay. It will have got your blood flowing and improved your circulation.

You're getting older. What's that?

-An oxygen tank? You need oxygen now? -Don't jinx me, woman!

-Can we come in, Mom? -Come and say hi to your aunt, kids.

How are you, Aunt?

-Wait, what are you doing? -Sitting on the chair.

-Really? That's my chair. -No, it's 3:15 now.

-It's my chair. -I sit on it after 3:15.

-Where is this coming from? -Not now!

May you rest in peace, brother.

You died too soon, you didn't get enough time to raise them well.

Tell me, Souniya.

How is my husband's pharmacy doing these days?

Yes, dear. I was about to tell you.

Take this, dear. It's your share of the profits.

Count it.

What's this? A gift for Eid?

-Are people immune to diseases now? -No, dear.

But the pharmacy has more expenses now and we're barely making ends meet.

We're having a clear out.

That's why I brought you your share. An oxygen tank, some anesthetics,

some pills and all the ointments we stock in the pharmacy. I think we're even.

Looks like you have the whole thing figured out, Souniya.

Where's your son? Why isn't he with you?

Yes, Aunt. Why did Hassouna stop coming over and playing with us?

Hassouna has a high position now.

-You mean he's working on a scaffold? -No, dear.

He's working with artists, with all the stars in Egypt.

Look, he sends me a picture every day.

He takes pictures with all the stars.

-See? -Show me, Aunt.

Do you know who he's working with now? Ramez Galal!

On the show, Ramez in the Woods .

Yes, he's playing the role of the monkey in the woods.

The only monkeys here are you two.

Hassouna is in charge of the buffet. Monkey, he said.

Aren't these two Hassouna's age, dear?

-I've never seen them make you proud. -Enough! Shut up, already!

Don't be mad, dear. You'll have a heart attack.

I'm going now. Stay safe. I don't need either of you to escort me.

Stay with her and make her feel better.

We weren't going to escort you, anyway.

Want me to throw figs at her, Mom?

Want me to pee on her, Mom?

Want me to do it? I drank some Pril.

There are some Barbary figs in the alleyway. I'll bury her in them.

I drank some Pril, Mom.

Want me to go do it? I drank a lot of Pril, Mom.

Throw it.

-What do you think? -You're a great hitter.

-Throw another ball. -Okay.

-No, I'm too upset, Khair. -What's wrong, man?

Didn't you hear what your mean aunt said to your mom?

-I heard. -I feel bad for her.

I don't know why people treat us like that.

We've never hurt a fly.

They only talk about us with hatred and hostility.

They envy us 'cause we're so much better than them.

Enough. We should make Mom proud and stick it to your mean Aunt Souniya.

-She's so happy with Hassouna's photos. -We'll kill Hassouna, then.

We can't! Hassouna is our cousin, we'll be the first ones they question.

We'll kill any artist who takes a photo with Hassouna and frame him.

No. We'll take pictures with famous people like Hassouna does.

Mom will show the pictures to our aunt who will feel annoyed.

That's how we'll make Mom proud.

Yes! I have an idea.

-We'll take a picture with Haifa Wehbe. -That's impossible.

-Why is that? -She's out of our league.

She has a tattoo on her leg.

With hope and determination, we'll take a selfie with her.

Write down the number on this banner quickly so we can call her.

-Fine. -Put it on speaker.

Here, one second.

FOR RESERVATIONS AND INFO

That's it.

-Put it on speaker. -It's ringing.

Hello? Mrs. Haifa?

Welcome, you can book tickets for Haifa Wehbe's concert here.

-Oh, my God, Khair! It's her voice. -Yes, I know.

For Arabic, press one.

Tell me, diva. Where is the concert and how much are the tickets?

For tickets, press two.

Yes, we want two tickets, but we want to know how much one is.

-Tickets are 500 pounds. -That's cheap. Really cheap.

Hey, diva, we want you to come to Egypt and visit Al Sayeda Aesha.

-Thank you for calling. -Oh, my God!

See how modest she is? She might as well have invited us to lunch.

She speaks eloquently.

She speaks Arabic so fluently,

you might think she graduated from Darul Uloom in Beirut.

-That's right. -What do we need to go to that concert?

-A chic outfit. -At Hawda's.

-A phone with a camera. -At Gawda's.

-What about the money for the tickets? -We have it.

-How? -I hid some money underneath the tiles.

There is no power save in Allah!

I feel like I'm someone else. I feel like I'm someone else.

Are you sure you hid the money under a tile?

Yes, I swear I did. But I don't remember which tile.

Let's look under this one.

I won't rest until I know where my money is,

even if I have to lift up every tile in the entire house!

Yes!

Damn it!

-I found it! I found the money! -Show me.

Thank God! I was about to have a heart attack.

What's this?

You made us lift up all these tiles for only five pounds?

It's still money, man.

Yes, but you could've easily hidden 30 pounds under this tile.

Are you crazy? You think I'd put 30 pounds under a tile with all this dirt?

Don't you have a brain? Will you ever have one?

You could've put it under your pillow, you know.

What are you saying?

May you be damned! What have you done?