Malcolm in the Middle

'Previously,...'

It's a company picnic! Attended by my new boss whom I haven't met!

I like her. Don't screw this up!

Laurie, hi! It's so good to see you!

Keep moving. Is your new boss here?

They're all here! There's Landon, head of the company.

I woke up with the dog... licking my face.

I thought it was my husband! I better see what my boys are doing.

It is a real pleasure to meet you, Mr Landon! Er, same here!

You're playing girls?! The men won't play us until we beat the ladies.

You're responsible for these. The coach wants to make a wager.

What's up with my skates? The blades are dull! Somebody unscrewed mine!

If you liked someone, would you tell them? I like you, too.

Oh, my God! What? I was talking about Gary Spindler!

You're going to be tied together for three hours. Let's get hopping.

Wow, these are nice woods!

Come on, Malcolm, we're still friends!

We can still have fun, right? Why don't you help me with this clue?

"North of the fork and up a small hill,

under a joke without J is a yellow bill."

This doesn't make any sense!

You'd think they'd make sense! Gary Spindler?!

Malcolm! What do you see in him? He high-fives people when they decide

what they want on their pizza! He still says, "It's the bomb!"

"Hi, I'm Gary. I have a laser pointer!"

He's nice. Can we concentrate on the scavenger hunt

or we'll fall behind! It's a yellow duck

under that oak tree there. Joke without J, oke. Oak tree.

The fork was back there.

Wow, you were right! That's great, Malcolm!

You're good at this! Yes, I am. I have a lot of other good qualities.

There's lots of things to like about me if I was given half a chance!

Can we just do this? Fine.

OK, clue number two.

"Look for this gem on an overgrown hem."

"Stay to your right or it might take all night."

For God's sakes! Gary Spindler?!

What's going on out there? We've gone back two goals!

I can't get speed with these skates! Get them sharpened!

I already had Francis sharpen them twice! (COUGHS)

Besides, number 32 is amazing! She's a monster! She's crippled our front line!

Sorry to take you away from your family, Mr Landon. About this Mr Lan- I know, Bert.

Bert, I need your help! The cubicle dwellers are getting restless. Ah.

Apparently they know about my reputation for downsizing. I thought

you could shoot them a little BS to calm them down. Actually, I...

Great! Hey, everybody! I know there are some concerns here

so I've brought Mr Landon over to put your minds at ease.

Now, he's taking time away from his family so not too many questions.

This is beautiful! Phil, Mr Landon would like to put our minds at ease!

Isn't that right, Bert?

Hal?! Ah, Bert. Albert.

Halbert. Hal! You know?

I'm sensing a lot of confusion here but the keyword to keep in mind

is loyalty.

When you're worried about your job it's very tempting

to make a fellow co-worker look bad

but who really cares if someone's wife's an alcoholic...

..or that someone has an unnatural attraction to women in suits?

The important thing is we're in this together!

And remember, nobody likes a snitch!

So, let's have a great picnic, huh?

Hah-hah!

"Go north of the fork and up a small hill."

"Under a joke without J is a yellow bill."

I don't see a fork. I saw a broken spoon! Shut up! I'm trying to think

of a joke without a lot of Js in it! Ohh, I found a cup.

You're supposed to look for a fork! You know, a fork? The little thing

with... things! Geez! You go. I'll stay here.

We're tied to each other, you idiot!

Oomph! Ooh! (GRUNTS)

Oomph! Aaah!

Got it! Five more and we win!

Five more and we win. You're a genius! Thanks.

You're, er,... big.

Help!

Yeah! Lavernia, looks like we're gonna make it nine years in a row!

Maybe we should put our pregnant girls in, make it more of a game!

Wh-Who is that helping? All that's gonna do is make her feel bad

plus now all our pregnant girls are gonna wanna get in the game!

Number 32 is killing us!

Looks like it's time for a little strategy!

# "Bad To The Bone" Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Oomph! Argh!

Eric! Yeah!

Now let's play some hockey!

You were amazing! I would never have found those kids without you!

You know something? Together we make the perfect three-legged person!

I wish we could stay like this forever! Yeah.

Wait! Why can't we? There's people that do surgeries!

You're the smartest guy I've ever met! Thanks, buddy.

We've got to find that fork.

Hey,... I... want... candy!

What did I tell you? Sit in that chair until the picnic is over!

Excuse me? Are you Lois?

Yes. Where do you get off talking to my wife about my mother?!

I wet my bed every night until I was 16.

My mother changed those sheets

for years and never said a word! I don't care if they don't get along.

My mother's important to me. I never said anything about your mother!

By the way, I don't have a porn problem!

She introduced it into our home!

I don't have any interest - It was her idea and now I'm the pervert!

I don't know what it is about porn. Maybe it's the safety of emotional distance! That's it!

If you're gonna make me do this we're gonna do this. Now sit down!

Your problem is you both see yourselves as victims.

You've got to talk to each other. There's a thing called give and take

to make it work. Do you understand? Yes. I'm not finished!

If you're gonna make this work you have to make sure that you are home

every night at 6:30, not 6:35. Create an atmosphere of trust.

I think we might win! Damn right! I've got 600 bucks riding on it!

What are you doing? You're a man short. Where's Amis?

He ran out yelling about government helicopters and murderous clones.

'Hello? Is anybody there?'

Don't worry. I'll cover for him. Alright. You're a good man, Francis.

I'm doing what anybody would do.

Sorry.

Hey, look at this! We're doing great! You're so good at this.

Stop! What are you doing?! I'm sorry!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Just tell me, what's your big problem with me?

Malcolm! Seriously, I want to know!

Am I too short? Am I too smart? Malcolm, can we please drop this?

I'm smart. Is that a crime? I'm sorry I'm not a moron like Gary Spindler!

Malcolm, stop it! What are you doing?

Tell me why you don't like me. Why are you doing this?

I want an answer! I can't believe I liked you!

You liked me?! I knew it! I wasn't crazy! You did like me!