Brickleberry

- Whoo! That was good, baby.

I bet you ain't made a face like that since your last stroke.

- Don't light that. I'm on oxygen--

Congratulations, denzel.

This is your fourth sex-related injury this month.

What can I say, doc?

Sleeping with old ladies is dangerous.

Whoa!

Wah! Hey!

Oh, shit!

Ah! Hey!

Ow! Help me! Hey!

Ow! Ow!

Ah! Teefers! Teefers!

- Denzel, your unnatural attraction to elderly women

Is a condition called gerontophilia,

And it is often fatal.

- Fatal? I'll kill for pussy,

But I ain't gonna die for it.

- Luckily, this condition can be cured

By a simple outpatient procedure.

- Really? Okay, let's do it.

Let's get you prepped.

- Hey, what are you doing back-- ow!

And now for the test.

Tammy! Gladys!

Could you come in here, please?

Now, denzel, which do you prefer?

Nurse?

Or hearse?

I now pronounce you cured, denzel.

How do you feel?

I wanna be a fireman!

Ah!

- And not only am I cured of my lust for grannies,

I'm dating dr. Kuzniak's hot nurse, tammy.

- That's great, buddy. - Yeah.

I was starting to think you were some kind of weirdo.

- And that's coming from a shaved gorilla

Who eats potpourri.

- It makes my farts smell like christmas.

I have big news, too.

Cancer, cancer, cancer...

- No. I'm also dating someone.

Her name is tj.

She's smoking hot. She's athletic.

- Steve, uh, you can't date

The characters you create on wii fit.

Oh, leave steve alone.

I think it's sweet he's got an imaginary girlfriend.

- She's not imaginary. And I'll prove it.

Let's go on a double date.

- All right. I'll bring tammy.

You bring kate made-up-ton.

- Bonjour, mon co-travailleurs.

Don't you want to know why I'm speaking french?

- Because you're a whore. - No.

I'm entering the miss national park beauty pageant.

- I couldn't give two squirts of piss.

Seriously, I got a prostate

The size of melissa mccarthy's head.

- First place is a round-trip ticket to anywhere in the world,

And I'm going to paris.

- How can you be so sure you'll win?

- Please. It's the surest bet ever.

The rest of the contestants look like...

Park rangers. - Really, ethel?

Beauty pageants are stupid and sexist.

- That's what people who look like park rangers always say.

"you're a dead man, fatso."

Oh, connie, it's for you.

Unh!

- "I'm talking about you, woody johnson."

Stop breaking my window! Argh!

- Woody, why did that rock say you're a dead man?

Oh, it's nothing.

Probably just some of the animals having fun.

Steve!

Put on this mustache and go start my car.

ah!

- No! - I got you now, johnson!

God damn it.

I thought the one place I'd be safe

Is a dark, dead-end alley.

Shut the hell up!

Now give me the 20 grand you owe me.

- I have gotta stop betting on quidditch.

I thought hufflepuff was due.

You better pay up now.

Or I'm gonna take a glass rod,

Heat it up with a blowtorch,

And stick it up your--

Hi, baby.

Oh, scoodles went pee pee on the rug?

Well, I'll come home and clean it up straightaway.

I love you more than rainbows. Buh-bye.

- Oh! - So anyway...

Glass rod, blowtorch...

And it's going straight up your--

hi, plum fairy.

Oh, you want hazelnut truffles from the cheesecake factory?

Well, sure thing, fluffy kitten.

where was I?

Glass rod?

- Right. Thank you.

Glass rod! I'm gonna--

- Hold on. Give me another chance.

A bet. Double or nothing.

On what?

- Uh, hold on. Let me think.

- It's the surest bet ever. - On ethel anderson

Winning the miss national park beauty pageant.

Okay, you're on.

- Ah! - And when you lose...

I'm gonna take that aforementioned glass rod and--

Hey, little lamb.

Heh--leave woody johnson alone? Why?

Because he's a nice man.

Well, what'd she say?

- Ha! You are suck penis.

- I am suck penis? Hmm.

You are suck big gay penis.

- Shut up, god damn it. I'm trying to concentrate.

- Ah! Ha-ha! You lose!

Now I make sex in your face with my penis balls.

Stop it.

I mean it! Cut it out!

Tea bag termination.

- I'll get you for this, you son of a bitch.

I in china.

What you gonna do, bag of douche?

Woody!

The cleaning lady broke another picture.

- So, I guess you didn't do that, either, did you, inez?

Just like you didn't maul me in my sleep

Or order all this hardcore bear porn?

- Well, hello there, prettiest ranger ever.

Which dress do you like best?

- Oh, see, I thought you stopped cross-dressing.

They're not for me,

You stupid but perceptive lady.

They're for you.

I'm gonna help you win miss national park.

I'm your new coach.

- So now you care about the pageant?

- Hell yeah. My life is on the line here.

I mean, heh, your trip to paris,

Which I really give a shit about.

- Cut the crap. What's going on?

All right, all right.

The truth is I borrowed some money from manslaughter mcgill,

And if you don't win that pageant,

He's gonna stick a glass rod up my--

Well, he never told me.

But there isn't any good place to stick a glass rod!

- I can't wait for the girls to get here.

I've never been on a double date.

- 20 bucks says my girl's hotter than yours.

You are so on.

Hey, boys.

- Hey, baby. - Hey there.

Both: Where's your girl?

- Right here. This is tj.

- No this isn't. This is tammy.

It's tammy jane.

I go by either.

Surprise. - What?

You know what this means, right? - Yeah.

She's a clone! Kill her!

- No! She's going out with both of us.

This ain't gonna fly.

You gotta choose.

Which one of us do you want?

- Okay. I'm choosing denzel. - Shut up, steve.

- Well, I'd rather be with you than a stupid clone.

I'm not a clone.

And I don't want to choose.

I like you both.

What do you think about a menage a trois?

Menage a trois?

What does denzel's cousin have to do with this?

Aw, don't be a dumbass, steve.

That's some kind of chicken dish, right?

- Guys, what I'm proposing is a threesome.

Both: Oh!

What's that?

- Ethel, I can't believe you're going through with this.

Pageants ruin people's lives.

Why are you so anti-pageant?

What do you even know about them?

- More than you think. When I was younger,

I was a world champion pageant queen.

Just remember, sweetie.

You're beautiful and talented, but if you lose,

Jesus will kill grandma and send her to hell.

Okay, mommy.

- Oh, wait. You forgot your energy snort.

Time for the skinny bucket.

But just as I hit my high note,

I also hit puberty.