South Park

# I'm going down to South Park #

# Gonna have myself a time #

# Friendly faces everywhere #

# Humble folks without temptation #

# Going down to South Park #

# Gonna leave my woes behind #

# Ample parking day or night #

# People spouting "howdy neighbor" #

# Headed on up to South Park #

# Gonna see if I can't unwind #

# Come on down to South Park #

# And meet some friends of mine #

I don't get it, Kenny.

Why did you buy razors and shaving cream?

'Cause, dude, I'm gonna shave my balls.

Shave your balls?

Why would you shave your balls?

Because girls like shaved balls.

Girls like shaved balls?

Yes, they do.

What girl is gonna see your balls?

I don't know.

Oh, Jesus, there's another one!

Another pan flute band.

Have you guys noticed there's bands like this

everywhere you go lately?

Yeah, I saw like three of those bands

down in Denver yesterday.

All their crappy music sounds the same.

I'm so sick of hearing this music everywhere I go!

I think Kenny likes it.

I gotta get home for dinner.

Yeah, me too.

God!

Shut up already!

I'm outta here, see ya, guys.

Tonight, the Travel Channel takes you to London!

London has something for everyone!

Sights, theater...

and wonderful street performers!

They're in London too?!

Hey, time for dinner, guys!

All right, kids, dig in.

Where's Dad?

He's upstairs videotaping your Grandfather in the bathtub.

Why?

Because ever since your Father got that stupid video camera,

he thinks he has to film everything the family does.

All right, here we are!

Marsh family gathered for another dinner!

Randy, we have plenty of video of us eating dinner.

There's Shelley.

You excited about dinner, Shelley?

Turn it off, Dad!

Oh, look, Stan's eating a tater tot!

Wave to the camera, Stan!

Aw, Jesus Christ!

Oh, neat-o!

It's one of those Peruvian pan flute bands!

Stan, go out and stand with 'em, I can get a shot.

I will play this card to move Kyle back seven spaces.

Screw you, Kyle.

And, all right, your turn, Kenny.

You guys, you guys, check this out!

I saw another Peruvian flute band

outside my house last night!

So?

So I just sat there and watched them for a while.

Guess how much money they made

selling their crappy C.D.s?

- How much? - Over 200 bucks.

$200?!

Really, are you sure?

Yeah, dude! I'm starting to realize

it's like the easiest job in the world, y'know?

I mean, we could that!

Become a Peruvian flute band?

Yeah, why not?!

We get some instruments and some costumes,

and then make some crappy pan flute music C.D.s on my computer.

Oh, my God!

We are gonna make so much fucking money, you guys.

- Teah! - Woo-hoo!

But where are we gonna get the money

to buy costumes and instruments?

Craig, dude, how you doing, bro?

Fine.

Cool, awesome!

Um, Craig, remember you were tellin' us

how your Grandma gave you 100 bucks for your birthday?

Yeah.

Craig, how would you like to turn that $100 into $1,000?

Come on in, Craig, have a seat!

Welcome!

What do you guys want?

Craig, we have chosen you to join our

Peruvian flute band!

All right, Craig!

You mean like those guys you see at all

the tourist spots?

There's a reason they're everywhere, Craig.

Because they make bank!

We just need your money to buy some instruments

and make some C.D.s.

And we'll double your money in one afternoon, Craig.

You guys never hang out with me,

you never invite me to do stuff,

but now you want me to be in a band with you

because my Grandma gave me $100.

Craig, don't be an asshole.

I'll go get the money.

All right, guys, just like we rehearsed it!

You ready, Craig?

All right, let's jam!

And-a-one, and-a-two, and a--

Wow, that's such cultural music!

Very cultural, yes!

Por favor, buy our C.D.s de musica.

Gracias.

How cultural!

This is awesome!

You see, Craig?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, you guys can't play here, we were here first!

No trabajar aqui!

Vaya!

No playa la musica en la promenade!

No es bueno!

This is our Peruvian flute band's turf, you got that?

Goddamn it!

No, no, es bueno!

Come on, guys!

Jesus Christ!

No, no es bueno!

No trabajar aqui!

Ladies and gentlemen, our nation and our world

is facing an economic and ecological crisis

of disastrous proportions.

I'm talking, of course, about Peruvian flute bands.

the red dots indicate where the highest concentrations

of Peruvian flute bands are.

All over the world, wherever there are tourists or shoppers,

there are now, on average,

65 Peruvian flute bands per square kilometer.

General?

France, Japan,

and the northeastern United States

are currently the hardest hit.

Make no mistake, this is a pan-flute epidemic.

A "pandemic"?

Three countries in Asia and seven in Europe

have already asked for our help

in getting rid of their Peruvian flute bands.

We will need every resource available to see this through.

Excuse me, but aid other countries?

Senator?

With all due respect, we need to be dealing with

our own pan-flute bands.

Let other countries fend for themselves.

You heartless bastard.

This country was founded on beliefs

in freedom and integrity.

And we will not sit back and do nothing

while less-fortunate countries

are ravaged by Peruvian flute bands.

Is that clear!

As director of homeland security

I am taking control of the military

until the crisis is contained.

Go, go!

Ha!

Serves you right, assholes!

- Come on, let's go! - Let's go! Move out!

One more over here!

Let's go, get 'em out!

Clear out, move!

This is a homeland-security operation, people!

Let's go!

Hey, back off!

Make sure all pan-flute music C.D.s are contained!

There's Sharon and Shelley.

They're watching some television.

Wave to the camera, Shelley!

What are you watchin', guys?

The news.

Huh?

We're watching the news.

That's the TV in our living room.

Still showing commercials right now.

What do you think about the television, Shelley?

Oh, the news is starting!

The government efforts to stop the Peruvian flute-band crisis

are now in their third day.

In cities all over the world,

flute bands have been removed and quarantined,

but more may still be out there.

Homeland security is requesting that

if you see a Peruvian flute band,

do not approach it.

Mark down the flute band's location