Curb Your Enthusiasm

What is that?

I don't know.

What is that, a cell phone?

God.

- What the hell is that? - I don't know.

Oh, it's a smoke alarm. The smoke alarm's going off.

It's the stupid batteries. Come on, we've gotta find it.

No, it's not that one.

It's not that one.

No. Try the guest room.

I think it's downstairs.

I don't think I have any feeling

in my shoulders, I swear to God.

- It does take its toll, man. - Take its toll...

- You did very well, by the way. - You don't have to condescend.

No, seriously, for a guy who doesn't play,

I thought he did very well. You did.

You never play. What do you want from yourself?

- Give yourself a break. - One thing I want to tell you,

- after you hit the ball six, seven times... - Yeah?

...and it's not in the hole, just pick it up and we'll move on.

- You shouldn't take more than seven. - Yeah, that's just craziness.

Just pick up the ball. He's right, yeah.

- You'll never have to experience me again. - No, we had fun.

Didn't you have fun with us, hanging out?

It was a little boring, to be honest with you.

- That's a nice thing to say. - Well, it fucking was.

Okay, give me back my $150 that I spent on your guest fee.

You paid $150 for me to look like a fucking asshole?

More shocking footage from Hurricane Edna

- which has left extensive destruction. - These poor people.

The storm surge inundated low-lying areas

- knocking out phone and power lines. - Oh, boy.

That's from global warming, that hurricane.

33 deaths have been reported and thousands left homeless.

Look at that-- thousands of homeless people now.

FEMA is estimating damage from this category 5 hurricane

in the billions of dollars.

Oh, wow. It's Katrina all over again. Poor people.

Did you go to Funkhouser's party last night?

No. Did you?

No. Huh-uh.

Why?

Because I'm going to Danson's party tonight.

Two back to back...

I don't want to go to two parties back to back.

It was a stupid night for him to have a party.

- Yeah. - Did you call him?

No.

- Well, what are you gonna say? - I'll tell him Sammy was sick.

You're gonna use your child to get out of a party?

- Why not? It's the best thing in the world. - It's a perfect excuse.

- No one can argue with that. - Who argues with that?

I wish I had that. It's a great reason to have kids.

It's a great reason to have kids. It's one of the bonuses, yep.

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna say?

- You have nothing, nothing. - I know.

I'll just show up tonight and pretend I had the wrong night.

- That's stupid. - That's great.

- Oh, please. - No, that's fantastic. I love that.

Yeah. Ding-dong-- "Where's the party?"

- Isn't that a good idea? - That's a great idea.

He's not gonna buy that. That's such obvious bullshit.

No, it isn't. Nobody would go out of their way

that much-- to show up at somebody's house,

pretend they had the wrong night.

He's gotta be a mental case to believe it.

No, I love that. That's fantastic.

Have you ever seen Richard look in the mirror?

Is that really what I do?

- You happy now? - Yeah.

- All right, I'll see you at Danson's? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Thanks for turning me off

to a sport forever.

It's okay. Are you gonna go tonight?

Uh, I don't know. I have to ask Cha Cha. I'll see.

- Cha Cha. - Cha Cha.

Where did he get her from? Man, oh, man.

- She is so hot. - Good for him.

- Good for him. - Yeah, good for him. Let him enjoy.

- She's somethin'. - Yeah. Wow.

- All right. - All right, my friend.

- See you at Danson's. - I'll see you at Danson's.

Okay. What are you gonna wear?

I'm gonna dress like a little Dutch girl.

"What am I wearing?"

I can't stop thinking about the hurricane.

Oh, my nose is really itching me and I can't scratch it.

I mean, the pictures on TV were just...

you can't even imagine that people survived it.

I know, it's awful.

Awful. I was watching it today.

All these people-- they have no place to go right now.

Hey! Hey, dum-dum,

go ahead, move in.

- Thank you. - Their houses were completely destroyed.

You know what my father used to call those people?

Schmohawks. Did I ever tell you that?

- Yeah. - Have I mentioned schmohawks to you?

Schmohawk. "Hey, schmohawk!"

- He used to yell it out all the time. - Imagine for one second

if we lost-- if you lost every single thing you had in your life.

What do I have? I don't know what's so...

- what do I have? - This is-- well, there...

- I like this sport jacket. I can't replace this. - Listen, when there's...

you know what some people are doing,

that I personally think is a really great idea,

is they're bringing in displaced families.

- Hmm. - You know,

I've been doing a little research

and we could actually have a family here tomorrow.

- What? - Yeah.

- Tomorrow? - They have no place to go.

I would need a couple of months

to mentally prepare for that. Tomorrow?

We don't have a couple of months.

These people need help right now.

It's a nice concept.

Uh, you know, we'll think about it.

We don't need to jump into this thing right now.

Imagine how they would feel

to come here and live in our house.

Mmm. Oh, all right, we're here.

We're at Funkhousers'.

Why aren't we just going to Ted and Mary's, Larry?

This is so stupid.

- This is so stupid. - What? Are you kidding?

There's nothing to it. We'll just pretend we had the wrong night.

This way he feels good-- that at least we attempted to go to his party.

Can't we just go to Ted and Mary's?

We're gonna go to Ted and Mary's after we do this.

It won't take long. It's two minutes.

- Hey. - Hey, Marty.

What happened to you guys?

Where-- where is everybody?

You mean, from the party?

Oh, they've been gone for about 24 hours.

- The party was last night. - Last night?

A great party. Oh yeah, we had a lot of fun.

- Are you kidding? - We never heard from you.

- Oh my gosh. - The party was last night.

- We sent you an invitation. - Oh, Marty.

Oh my God, that is unbelievable.

- I guess we mixed up the dates. - We missed the party?

- Totally missed it. - How did that happen?

Oh, it was a great party.

This may be the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life...

- well, we've ever done. - You guys thought the party was tonight?

Yeah, obviously.

Everyone else was here.

You know what? I swear I had a feeling. I really had a feeling.

- Anyway... - Anyway, it's so good to see you.

- Tell Nan I'll call-- - We're gonna get...

No, look look look look look,

you're here-- come on in. Come on.

What? Get out of here. We don't want to impose on you.

You're not imposing.

You're tired from last night. You were up late with your party.

- Get out. Are you nuts? - Yeah, we wouldn't dream of it.

Don't worry. We've got some food left over,

got some games to play. Come on in.

No, but it's crazy. We don't...

- We would not dream of it. - Hold it, hold it, hold it.

You have no plans,

you're supposed to be here,

and you're here. So come on in.

Come on, Cheryl. Come on.

Come on in.

Come on in.

Come on.

Come on, Larr.

Come on, Larry.

Well, I'll tell you this:

- you missed a great party. - I'm sure, yeah.

- It was a lot of fun. - Oh...

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I'm sorry we missed it...

Yeah, well, we didn't wanna miss it.

- Obviously, we're here. - No, but you know what--?

Let me tell you what we did.

We had an hour and a half

of the greatest improv karaoke singing

- you've ever heard in your life. - Oh, boy.

We're sorry we missed it. And you know what?

- We shouldn't be here right now. - Yeah, it's crazy.

- We really should go. - No no no no no. I'm not heaping guilt.

- I think we're gonna get going. - No no, don't go anywhere.

- No no no, sit down, sit down. - We're gonna get out of here.

- Please, oh, stop it! - Sit down!

Come on, sit down.

I'm okay with it. And stop feeling bad.

We're here now.

You know what game I love that we didn't play last night?

It's-- and we play it for money...

"1000 pick-up sticks."

I go get the sticks, I throw them all over the room

and we pick up the sticks.

And the one with the most sticks wins the pot.

- That sounds good. - Are you expecting company?

Yeah, what is this? You got company?

- Now we're intruding on your company. - I'll get rid of them.