Curb Your Enthusiasm

Thank you guys.

I don't know what happened over at Netflix,

but big mitzvah that you brought it over here to Hulu.

-We're so happy to be here. So happy.

So, let's, uh, let's talk tachles.

-What is that? -Tachles, real talk. (SNAPS)

-Let's get to it. -(EXECS CHUCKLE)

Young Larry. The rewrite, liked it, didn't love it.

Oh, so you didn't like it?

-No, no. -No, no.

That's not what we're saying. I liked it. They liked it.

Mm-hmm. -They liked it?

Or they liked it?

-All three of them. -I'm not nonbinary.

I'm only a they when I'm with a group of people.

Are you plural?

-No, I'm gay. -(LAUGHTER)

And there you have it. So, casting?

-Yeah. -I was thinking, for the role

of Uncle Moe, Ted Danson.

-Y-- you can't get away from it. No, he's everywhere.

I can't get away from him!

Am I right? I mean, anything he touches turns to comedy gold.

I don't know. He's not really the right type.

We like Ted. But what do I know? I'm just a Jew from the Valley.

You know, it's somebody we could consider for sure.

-I'll tell you what, though. Okay.

I've got somebody for Marsha Lifshitz

who's a discovery.

-Oh. Wow. Okay. -(EXCITED LAUGHTER)

And her name is Maria Sofia Estrada,

-and she's fantastic. -Great.

I was just wondering, uh, is she Jewish?

Oh, you can't ask that.

-Uh-- Oh, okay. Um... No, it's okay in this office. You can ask that.

Why can't she ask that?

I think it's illegal.

Get the fuck out of here! "Illegal"!

Well, well, listen, if you like her, we like her.

Just-- can we see some tape?

-See what? Tape.

That's the process, it's that, you know,

we'd like to give it the old...

...network stamp.

-Yeah. Tape. Well...

-It's a visual medium, this TV thing. Yeah.

Uh, that's great, we'll get 'em tape.

We'll get 'em tape.

Yeah, we're gonna-- we'll get you some tape.

We'll get some tape. Terrific. We can't wait.

-Thank you. Great meeting. Really good.

And on behalf of everybody, welcome to Hulu.

Thank you very much. Okay.

Or as we call it in this office, Jew-lu.

-Because it's my office. -Yeah, only you do that, yeah.

All right. -Hey, Larry,

come for Shabbos dinner one of these weekends.

We had Bari Weiss last Friday night. She's fantastic.

-Hmm. -Ow.

-Did that guy ever do stand-up? -Not to my knowledge,

and if he did, he couldn't have been good.

God, he really leans into that Jew stuff,

-doesn't he? -Boy, oh, boy.

Just like a bad comic. Every other word is

-Jew this, Jew that. Jew this, Jew that.

-Yeah, I know. -Oh, my God.

-(PHONE DINGS) -Terrible.

Did you slam the door on your, uh, way out?

-No. -I just got a text

from them upstairs saying, "Is Larry mad?

He slammed the door when he left."

No, I'm not mad. You know,

it's hard to gauge a door you're unfamiliar with.

In the future, I promise I'll try and be

a little more considerate with my door closing.

Um, what the hell we gonna do about this tape?

I mean, she's just... She stinks to high heaven.

What about an acting coach? Acting class?

Cheryl teaches acting now.

-You're kidding me? -No. Great idea,

-let's ask Cheryl. -Let's ask Cheryl.

-She'll keep it on the q.t. Yeah. Absolutely.

Hello! Ha.

What are you doing here?

Uh, I have a little, uh, thing I need to discuss with you.

-Why didn't you text me? -I could've.

But then, you know, I would've missed that--

that look of disappointment wash over your face

when you opened the door, and that was priceless.

-Do you wanna come in? Sure.

All right. Please.

What's that? Hot dog eating contest?

This Friday? So disgusting.

That's so gross.

You know, women do these now too.

-Hmm! That would be fun,

to date a woman hot dog eater. Take her out to dinner.

"I'll have a salmon. She'll have 32 hot dogs!" Yeah.

Um, why are you here?

Well, you know that, uh, pilot I'm doing?

Yeah.

-There's an actress in the show. -Okay.

Oh, God, how do I even say this? Well, she stinks.

-But you cast her? -Yeah. Yeah.

Well, why would you cast her if she's not good?

I can't get into all this now. Suffice it to say,

she has to be in the show,

and she has to be better than she is.

-Okay. -And we need to have a good tape

-for her, to show Hulu. -All right, easy.

No. It's not gonna be easy.

I mean, we can set up the camera and--

-and make a nice tape for Hulu. -Great.

-And they'll be thrilled. -Yeah.

-Yeah, well... -You know, we'll just, like,

work on the dialogue a little bit, and we'll do some

serious character study. Maybe do some vocal exercises

-that can help. -Okay, please, spare me the bullshit.

Just... Thank you, thank you.

It's not bullshit. It's actually technique that people--

You're welcome.

Andy, Cassie, come on, make yourself at home.

Come get a drink.

So you guys are getting the emails

from my office every month?

-I don't read 'em, no. I don't read 'em either.

You're my business manager. I pay you to take care of that.

-Okay, fine. Just wanna know the email's going through. -Jeff?

Can you help me in the kitchen please?

-(SIGHS) Mm-hmm.

Listen, I need some advice from you.

I met this girl a few nights ago at a bar.

-She was so gorgeous, like... -Wow.

-...way outside my coverage. -Nice, Harry, beautiful.

She just gave me her number, so then I gave her my number.

-Look at you! -But then, when I'm going home,

I just texted her, "Hey, that was really cool.

Do you wanna maybe go get a drink Thursday night?"

And she immediately replied, "Oh, yes."

Just... (SNAPS) ...bam, right there.

Then I got greedy and I texted back,

"How about some food to go with those drinks?"

Oh, no.

She hasn't texted me back in two days.

-Oh, God. You pushed the dinner. -So, I-- I blew it, right?

I scared the rabbit away and ran at it.

The desperation came through.

It came through. -You couldn't contain it.

I don't know what to do. What can--

-Oh, boy. Harry. -Do you have any ideas?

Well, you gotta send her something funny.

-It's got to be funny. -Something funny, okay.

Yeah, it's got to be a funny text.

-I think I might have something. -What?

Say, "Actually..."

"I can't have dinner on Thursday."

Okay.

"Because I'm in a hot dog eating contest the next day,

and I don't wanna ruin my appetite."

-It's funny. -I'm gonna fucking send it.

You're saying, "Hey, I fucked up." Okay?

-I fucked up 'cause of the-- -Yeah.

-Wait, wait, wait. -"I fucked up, but here's--

Hey, but look, I'm a funny guy.

-I fucked up, but I'm a funny guy." -(DOORBELL RINGS)

Let's see what happens. God damn, yes.

Yeah, you like it?

Hey, nice to see you.

-Mwah. -Thanks for having me.

-How's the mattress world? -Still the mattress champ.

Just opened a new outlet in Victorville.

That's fantastic.

I'm putting super homies in mattresses. I'm killing it.

-Wow. -Honestly.

But the thing I'm doing now,

which is a little bit more creative, is a hotel.

-What hotel? -The Funkhouse.

It's Beverly Hills adjacent, so it's kind of a boutique.

It's an interesting space.

I wanna hear everything. I got stuff in the oven.

-Go. -Go get yourself a drink,

-and we'll talk later. -Okay, sounds reasonable.

Thanks again for having me. You look terrific.

I'm putting half of your portfolio into cryptocurrency.

-Hey, guys. Hey.

I'm kidding, it's all nerds and Nazis.

-Hey. Hi. -Hey, hey! My man, how are you?

What's this about a hotel you're...?

-Yeah. -You bought a hotel?

I'm doing the whole thing. It's exciting, huh?

-That's amazing, -It is. It's amazing.

-Congratulations. -Thank you, thank you.

Well, you know, we'll see how it goes, but I feel very good.

What-- what are you doing about the minibar?

What do you mean, what am I gonna do

about the minibar? I don't know, it's a minibar.

They're kind of fascinating to me, the minibars.

You know, you go into the room, you're kind of excited about,

"Oh, what do they have?" Then you see some items,

"I don't know why they got that one.