Malcolm in the Middle

'I agree, Mrs Wiggins. These pastries are delightful.'

Son, whatcha doing? I'm having a tea party with Mrs Bear and the ladies.

Oh, that's... good. Care to join us?

Yeah, I have... actually,... a...

Why don't we go buy that stealth bomber model you've been asking for?

OK. OK.

Sometimes it's just too easy.

# Life is unfair #

Want to camp in front of PC World? The Norton anti-virus is out.

Your mom let you? She's there now!

Are you serious? What's the big deal? We have a life outside this place.

How are we doing, gentlemen? Everyone sticking to the experiment?

Absolutely. Right on track, sir. I know how tempting it is...

..to stray from a rigidly defined protocol.

It's the siren's song of pure research

but you must resist her seductive powers because...

Unstable compounds require stable minds.

Jackass. It's like he's talking to children.

It was a legitimate variation.

There was less than a 48% chance this would happen.

Well, your cavalier disregard for the laws of the classroom,

not to mention the laws of nature, have led to the inevitable.

It will now take weeks to decontaminate that classroom.

During that time, you'll be placed back into the general population.

We can't do that. The whole school hates us.

They'll destroy us! Rage is a projection of their own insecurities.

And as for me... I've been offered a temporary position

in the phys ed department where I'll get to wear a whistle...

..and dress in shorts!

I'm sure none of this will be reflected in your grades(!)

Don't play connect the dots with your chickenpox.

You'll get an infection. I'm bored!

I know. It's no fun being sick. I'm bored! I'm itchy! I'm bored!

Honey, remember we were gonna use our not-horrible voice? I'm bored!

Then find something to do! Here.

Play with these. I don't wanna.

You will be contagious for six days.

Want to spend them here, like a good boy, or in the hospital?

You don't go to the hospital for chick... OK.

Damn it! Maybe we could tack up a blanket.

I'll tear the porch down and build another one.

Good luck getting permission from the council. What?

Part of the house is on tribal land, from the window to the wolf picture.

What? The whole house used to be on the reservation,

but my idiot grandfather built it on a glacier.

It moves two inches a year. In 100 years, we'll have a lake view.

Wow. So, part of this house is on an Indian reservation?

Dealer has 20.

Look at them. All they're thinking about is how many places

they'll dispose of my body. Hey, Ian, Eddie!

How are you doing?

What are you doing? There's no more seats.

There's a seat over there.

Scoot over. Go sit down. You're gonna get in trouble.

Hey! Hey! Wassup? Wassup?

God, it's so great to have a normal conversation.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Is that from the new Ministry album? What?

Abandon all hope. Is that from the new Ministry album?

Actually, it's from Dante's Inferno.

It's the inscription over the gates of hell. That is way dark.

Kick that guy's butt! Remember when I did?

No, he kicked your butt! You want me to kick your butt?!

Argh! Damn! A splinter! You are dead! You are dead! Argh!

Don't pick! It will get infected. What?

You're making it worse. Let me get it. You carry a first-aid kit?

Just a crisis pouch. I leave the kit in my locker.

There. Wow! That didn't hurt at all!

Thanks.

Hey, Dewey. Wow! Look at that!

Is this helping take your mind off the itching? It was.

Oh, you've got a split and you've got a crossover.

All those dominoes.

All set up.

Just ready to...

Hey! Check out Alesha.

En fuego. Totally.

Yeah, she's cute. Check out Pam.

Muy en fuego.

Totally!

Yeah, she's cute, too.

Excuse me.

Hey, Stevie. It looks like everyone found a place.

Parasites adapting to a new host body.

Except Herkabe, I guess.

We heard the cleanup crew's gonna put their dumpster where we skate.

Where are we supposed to go? Why do they pick on us?

Damn Krelboynes.

I'll think of something.

Hey, Malcolm. Can you settle this? You know Stacy?

Yeah. Is she en fuego or muy en fuego?

Hard to say.

My God! Dewey!

Look what you've built here!

You have stairs and a ramp!

You've spelled your name.

Oh, so many,...

..many dominoes.

Where did they all come from?

From the Lippers. They got a crate the year Mr Lipper was paralysed.

They even buried him with one of his dominoes.

So this isn't really a complete set. Oh, no, Dewey, don't scratch.

It's itchy! I know, but sometimes you just have to restrain yourself.

Even if you feel like ripping your eyes out of their sockets

rather than go one more second without... scratching.

Will you watch this for me? I have to go to the bathroom. OK, son.

Reese! Don't even think about it! What's going on?

He was about to knock down Dewey's dominoes. What?

I didn't do anything. You're not going to.

They're keeping Dewey from driving my crazy! If they get knocked over,

I'll blame you. If a door slams and knocks them over, I'll blame you.

If a condor dies in flight,

crashes through our roof and knocks them over, I'll blame you!

But that's not fair. I will blame you!

Don't. What? I saw that look.

What look? My look! Now I know where I got it from.

I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm gonna get a drink.

Let's go.

I can get it myself. It's alright.

Man, I can't believe the school gave the skaters our basketball court!

Skaters safety program. Sounds suspicious. So what do we do?

We kick their butts! Guys! Guys! There's an easier way.