The Trades

You're a fuckin' joke.

What did you say?

You're a fuckin' joke.

I've been pullin' all-nighters

to get this thing up and running.

More like pulling your dick.

All these hours don't count as O.T.

so don't try loggin' 'em.

Looks like watery dog shit.

You throw this weld in with a slingshot?

I think it looks pretty fuckin' good

considering I haven't been on the tools in years.

Yeah, it's been years since you almost killed somebody.

That was a long time ago.

I was an apprentice.

Nobody got hurt.

You need to come up with new material.

And you need to build a flare stack.

Corporate's up my ass.

We're behind.

I'm embarrassed.

And you're givin' a million dollar machine a Redneck revamp.

Are you insane?

You approved the order.

You know we need this thing.

I approved it 'cause I wanted to see you look like a dickwad

trying to convince your crew that that's a good idea.

Well, that is fucked up!

Look, I know I'm hard on you, man.

You got promise.

But don't think I don't know that you're gunning for my job.

I am not.

This machine is the future.

It'll help me and my boys in the long run.

It'll save our bodies.

It'll catch us up in all those insane deadlines.

Fuckin' better.

Fuckin' will.

Fuckin' better!

It fuckin' will!

Fucking better!

What's up Teabag?

Todd: Hi, boys!

Mornin'

You know, jeans are marketed as this like,

super comfy go everywhere garment,

but they're fuckin' not!

Comfort first, dude.

Yeah, you know what?

I'm goin' to work in sweats.

I'm not trying to sabotage myself.

But they can't fire me.

Audrey: Snax, it's not a pattern, dude.

No. So I've left a few jobs.

Like, so what?

Twelve?

No fucking way it's twelve.

I don't believe you.

Raccoona matata, Snax.

You staying the fuck outta my bins?

Hey. Oh, what the hell, Auds?

Did you shave in my hot tub?

Bro, just chill.

Just my pits.

Have you even slept?

Have you?

I've been busy.

Yeah.

Is he cute?

The Metallsicherung 1200 is not cute,

it's a sexy, futuristic German welding machine.

Whoa.

Low impurities, minimal slag,

transition between auto and welder operated.

What do your guys think about that?

Well, they should be pumped.

This town needs to get with the times.

Yeah, makes sense.

You break your back at work every day

and I sling jeans for a living.

We've turned into our parents.

Billy: Ding ding ding,

who's ready for round two?

Do that thing with my pinky.

Oh fuck.

Had no idea you were here, ah...

Todd: Right.

This is yours.

Yep.

I don't touch your stuff.

Generally. Just, um...

Oh, whole family's here, huh?

It's your shorts too.

Ah, I didn't have any so I just, you know, I'll wash 'em.

My dick's barely touched the mesh.

No, no. You keep those actually.

Really? Like a gift?

Thanks. Cool, ah, yeah.

Lemme track down a beer.

Seriously? That dude?

Audrey: What? When there's no Mr. Right,

at least there's Mr. Right Now.

More like Mr. Steal Your Catalytic Converter

While You Sleep.

Here. PH levels are all outta whack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chlorine, de-scaler and stay out of it for 24 hours

or it'll melt my tits off.

I know the fuckin' drill.

Todd: Unbelievable.

Shut up.

Every goddamn morning.

Billy: Nothing beats a refry.

Fuckin' hell.

Hey man.

Wanna gimme a ride?

Did you bang in my hot tub, again?

Ahhh, it was half in half out mostly but, ah,

whaddaya say? You wanna hook me up?

Just goin' as far as my place.

So what's going on with you and my sister?

What?

Do you like my sister?

Hobby horse have a wooden dick?

Oh.

Ah dude. Come on.

Sorry. Brakes. I don't know.

Geez. Started a fire.

Audrey's great, man.

She's good. She's good, you know.

Got a lot goin' on for her.

No kids. No husband.

Got a good job.

Are you back at work yet?

Nah. Still on disability.

Keep pullin' my back out.

Billy: Whoa!

Hot rod, man.

End of the line.

What?

Sorry, the brakes are fucked.

But ...

What the hell, man!

You know I don't live around here!

Jimi: Have a good day.

Got a newbie.

Huh.

What do we got here?

What the fuck is that? How old is that?

Did you, your grandfather give you that?

What is that?

What are you gonna hang some pictures? Huh?

You gonna take photos? Huh?

What are you gonna do with that?

Oh. - Nothin'.

Tools are like condoms.

The cheap ones will break and they will fuck you up.

All right?

Will fuck you up, right?

Now sign here. - Yep.

Hey, talkin' to you.

Jimi! - Hey Todd.

Hey. I don't wanna see your ass. Don't show me your ass.

Don't show me your ass.

What's up Tuna?

Scooter!

Hey, you guys ever seen a virgin before?

Wave to the virgin.

Fuckin' nerds.

We willingly carry around the surveillance devices.

They know where we go and what we say.

I mean, a fuckin' welding machine?

Really?

Head-to-head I can out-do that thing.

Backwoods: My ass!

Fifty bucks says the robot mops the floor with ya.

What do ya think Big Nate?

I will take that heat.

Beautiful!

Taser: You know what else is weird?

I was ordering weed online last night

and they asked me to verify that I'm not a robot.

Are they worried that the robots are buying the weed?

Buying weed. Taking jobs?

It's only a matter of time 'til we're all down on all fours

sucking protein pellets out of a robot's dick.

Yeah, you fuckers got me good!

Well, ya reap what you sow, don'tcha?

Yep.

Backwoods: I kinda like it.

I thought it was classy.

Steph: Oh, thank you.

I also got the rookie pretty good.

Hmm?

You suck rookie!

Shit.

Here comes the robot overlord.

Keep it down.

He doesn't know that we know.

Guys!? Really?