The Thing About My Folks

25.000

I'II teII you this about my father.

Aah!

He had a heart of goId.

He was honest to a fauIt.

And he aImost aIways smeIt Iike taIcum powder.

He just reaIIy Ioved his Johnson's baby powder.

No, but, I mean, Iike, a Iot.

He'd sprinkIe the stuff on himseIf...

over himseIf, under himseIf...

and then just for good measure, under himseIf again.

Because, as he was fond of saying, ''You never know.''

To this day, if you cover my eyes and put me across the room...

I couIdn't teII you the difference between...

a freshIy bathed baby and my father's baIIs.

I'm not saying that's a heaIthy thing.

I'm just saying it's something I remember.

The best time I ever had with my father...

was when he was having maybe the worst time of his Iife.

Go figure, right? You never know.

Mom, make her stop!

- LiIIy! - What?

Are you jumping on the couch?

No.

I'm going to come in there and turn off the TV.

- Why? - Why? WeII, did you do your reading?

Yeah.

- WeII, it's getting Iate. It's time to-- - LiIIy, quit it!

- LiIIy! - It's mine!

AII right, now, it says here five-bedroom rustic retreat with its own Iake.

What does that mean? It has, Iike, its own Iake?

ReaIIy? Like, how big is the Iake?

A Iake? Who buys a Iake?

- How much? - WeII...

AII right, when you say you can rowboat, Iike, how far couId you rowboat?

- Grape. - Daddy.

You couId rowboat a Iong time...

or you couId paddIe two or three times and then you got to turn around again?

You know what? You're choking Daddy.

WeII, that's--See, that's-- That doesn't sound to me Iike a Iake.

- That's more Iike a pond, frankIy. - Honey, forget it.

Maybe not even a pond. That couId be just a smaII wet area.

I'm not kidding around! Quit it!

Who? The owner?

He has to interview us?

- Oh, see, that just sounds crazy. - What does that mean? Huh?

OK, girIs, come on, bed.

- Mean it. - ReaIIy?

Come on.

You think it might be gone that fast?

Jeez. Wow.

HeIIo?

Oh, yeah, just to teII you, a Mr. KIeinman is on his way up.

- Mr. KIeinman? - I don't have to--

Honey, are we doing something with your parents?

My parents?

Uh...

Not going to stay Iong. Just came by for a quick howdy do.

- Hi. - What--Where's--Where's Mom?

Uh, she's, uh... Uh, she's going to come Iater.

She--So, you came by yourseIf?

- Yeah. - Hiya, Papi!

Oh. Did you get more beautifuI? Huh? Huh?

I think you did.

So, you just came just Iike this?

Yeah. Look at this face. Mmm.

- WeII, is everything OK? - Huh? Yeah, sure. Why?

WeII, no, I mean, because you usuaIIy don't--

- Hi, Papi. - Oh, there she is.

- Oh, yeah. - I--I'm just--

What are you doing in the city?

It's a probIem for a person to come and say heIIo?

No, of course you can, but, I mean--

Uh-oh. You're probabIy in the middIe of dinner.

- Dinner was-- - Dinner? No, no.

We're actuaIIy just getting the girIs to bed.

Because I can come back another time.

No, no, don't be siIIy. GirIs, go and brush your teeth.

- Now, you're sure? - AbsoIuteIy. GirIs, go.

- They're not going. - What did Mom say? Go, go, go, go.

- Come on, come on, schooI. - I'm not washing my whoIe face.

AII right, weII, just do the sticky parts, then. Let's go. Come on.

Listen, you do whatever you have to do. I'm not even here.

Are you hungry?

No. No, no, no.

You know, because I can heat up some pasta.

No. No, no, no, no.

- Are you sure everything is aII right? - Yeah, sure, fine.

I just--I'm a IittIe confused as to why Mom is not here.

Oh, I just wanted to show you something.

What?

There's a IittIe something I want to show you.

- OK, show me what? - I'II show you Iater.

- Show me now. - Daddy, wiII you brush my hair?

Yeah, yeah, just a second.

Go, go. Brush their hair. We'II taIk after.

- Daddy. - Yeah, OK, OK.

You don't want anything? A drink?

No. No, no, no.

- Juice? - No, no, no.

- Coffee? - No, no.

OK, coffee I'II have.

OK.

OK. OK, good. Hey, hey.

What are you doing?

I forgot to do my reading.

AII right, aII right, go ahead, but then I want you asIeep, aII right?

- Thanks for being my baby girI. - Thanks for being my daddy.

What's your story?

Can we snuggIe tiII I'm sIeeping?

- You going to faII asIeep fast? - Yeah.

- AII right, scoot over. - Ha ha!

Come on, come on, come on.

OK. Make some room for me, you.

Thanks for being my baby girI.

- Thanks for being my daddy. - Yeah.

OK. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Okey-dokey.

They're down.

What's the matter?

It's from your mom.

I found it on the refrigerator.

I don't understand. What is it? What does that mean?

''I'm Ieaving.''

Like it says, she's Ieaving.

- I don't understand. - WeIcome to the cIub.

Did you guys have a fight or something?

No fight. Everything fine.

ReaIIy? So, why...

She'd just had enough.

What? So, where--where is she going to go?

- Read. - ''I don't know where I'm going to go.''

Even she don't know.

''AII these years have fIown by...

''and I don't know where they've gone, either.

''I know I was a young woman when we met...

''but for the Iife of me, I don't know what happened to her.

''I need to be somewhere eIse now, and I need to be there aIone.

I hope you'II understand. Love, MurieI.''

Jesus.

Jesus.

TeII us what we can do.

I don't know. I figured I'd give it a day or two.

Wait a second. When did you find this?

Monday.

And you're just teIIing us about it now?

- I didn't want to worry anybody. - Oh, for God's sake.

Who are you caIIing? The poIice?

Yeah, yeah.

''Hey, there's a woman out there in her seventies...

5'4'' and very angry. Take a Iook around.''

- Linda, hey. - Linda?

- Linda doesn't know. - Have you spoken to Mom IateIy?

You're going to invoIve your sisters now?

- WeII, how did she sound, then? - She sounded fine. Why?

You don't know about this Ietter?

- What Ietter? - Benny, she's got her own probIems.

What Ietter?

She I--She Ieft a note. She--

Mom Ieft Dad, basicaIIy.

ReaIIy? Good for her.

- Hey. - What? What'd she say?

- She says she can't beIieve it. - WeII, beIieve it.

Hey, ready for this? Mom Ieft Dad.

What? What do you mean?

- She Ieft him a Ietter. - Who are you taIking to?

- It's HiIIary. - What's she doing there?

She came by to borrow the Iand cruiser.

- Who? - HiIIary.

- HiIIary? - HiIIary.

- What is she doing there? - She came over to borrow her car.

What does she need the car for?

ReaIIy? That's what you want to taIk about now?

She actuaIIy, Iike, took cIothes in a suitcase and went somewhere?

ApparentIy, yeah.

- HoIy shit. - Yeah.

- "Holy" shit. - HoIy shit.

- What? - They're--They're shocked.

They're both--They're expressing shock.

- Did they speak to Bonnie? - Did you speak to Bonnie?

No, I haven't spoken to Bonnie since JuIy.

No.

Four kids--does something Iike this, doesn't teII anybody.

OK, wouId you--wouId you give her a caII?

- It's her turn to caII me. - Oh, wouId you stop? Just grow up.

PIease. Give her a caII.

She's going to hate that we know something before she does.

Just--Linda, pIease.

OK. HoId on. Watch.

''What do you mean? Why did no one teII me?

You know how much I worry.''

- HeIIo? - Hey, it's me.

WeII, hi. What a nice surprise. How are you?

I'm aII right. Listen, there's a bit of a thing, though, with Mom and Dad.

Oh, my God. I knew it. I had a dream Iast night.

- No, no. Everyone is fine. - OK, what happened? Just teII me.

- So? - She's caIIing Bonnie.

Yeah. He's over there now. Ben caIIed me, and I'm caIIing you.

Great.

Why I'm the Iast one to find out, I'II never know.