New Girl

The guys and I are about to leave for the airport,

and I'm so excited to see you.

- Is that Ryan? - I can't wait for you to see my hometown.

It's going to be just like An Affair to Remember,

only instead of the Empire State Building on New Year's Eve,

it's going to be a winery near the Portland airport

at my dad's wedding.

Anyway, I love you, I miss you.

Hello? Hello?

Sounds like I lost you for a minute!

Are you there?!

Where's my widdle Engwish man?

And with that, Ryan walked into the River Thames

and accepted death.

The joke's on you, 'cause I wasn't even talking to him.

I was leaving a voicemail.

Haven't talked to him for a week.

Are you guys making a group face?

- No, we're not... - No.

- Nah. - Guys, look,

Ryan and I are great.

Really? 'Cause he doesn't call enough.

And when he does, it's in the middle of the night.

Ryan didn't want to move to England,

he had to move to England.

For the last couple of weeks,

you've been keeping Nick hours, and... and it's ugly.

Hey. Sorry.

I was talking to Ryan before he went to work

and I must have fallen asleep.

Friend to friend: Am I wearing pants?

The situation isn't ideal,

however, long distance is super romantic.

Plus I don't have to shave my legs every day

which is a real plus.

You know, Fawn shaves herself

from toe to chin.

Every single day.

God, I love my girlfriend.

- Hey. - Oh, Cece.

- Yeah, what? - Huge news.

Jake Apex is coming to the wedding.

Jake Apex?

Who is Jake Apex?

Jake Apex is Cece's high school crush.

Never did anything for me, but turned Cece to soup.

- Thanks. - Mm. Yeah.

Is he one of them Portland hippies?

'Cause I hate them Portland hippies.

He is a legend.

Every time I spoke to him,

I'd have a full-blown tiny kid stroke.

Hey, killer.

I... d... uh... mm...

Yeah, well, I got a bad feeling about this guy.

Why, because he's bomb and Cece wants some?

No. Other reasons.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go water my succulents.

How do you know Apex is so cute?

I just assumed.

Winston, stop with the look, okay?

Otherwise I will murder you

and clean up your blood with your cat.

All right? For the 50th time, I do not like Schmidt.

Good luck finding my cat.

You know, I haven't seen him in weeks.

My best man suit.

Oh.

I'm my dad's best man.

He wanted a boy. My middle name's Christopher.

Yeah.

S04E16 Oregon

The Co-Pays are awesome.

I can't believe they're also pharmacists.

That's really good.

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah.

This is a nice place.

I mean, it's not the best vineyard in Portland.

- Here we go. - That's Bartleby Cellars, of course.

How would you even know that?

Whenever Coach goes to a new city,

he learns all about it, like a real weirdo.

I was an army brat, all right?

I moved a lot. Assimilating was key.

Oh, and by the way,

calling somebody weird in Portland

is actually a compliment, so thank you, Nick.

Hey, oh.

It's just... Oh.

Sorry, I thought I heard my phone ringing.

Ryan's supposed to call me before he gets on the plane.

- Oh! Sorry. - Jess, just take your phone out.

No, Nick, I want to be here with you guys.

I want to... Sorry.

I just want to...

Sorry.

Does anybody else hear buzzing?

- No. - No, 'cause it's not buzzing.

No, honey, but, you know, he's going to be here soon, okay?

Yeah.

Are you guys still touring the city?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I made about 12 drafts of this map.

Couldn't figure out where to go.

Had to fit 18 years into one morning.

So, here it is.

- Aw. - I'm so excited to show him Portland,

and my mom is so excited to meet him.

And I'm going to show him...

- Jess, it's not buzzing. - It's not buzzing.

- I promise you it's not. - It's not buzzing.

- Oh, there's my dad. - Hey, guys.

Sounded great. You sounded great.

You look terrific, too.

Hey!

- Oh, there's my daughter. - Oh...

I thought we talked about you not calling me that.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, how's the food?

I haven't eaten in three weeks.

Trying to fit into my wedding dress.

Had a dream about a crouton last night.

And, um...

And that was the whole dream.

Ooh, before I forget,

best man.

Aw.

The wedding rings.

Hey, I want you to meet a bunch of relatives

that are all going to be dead in a couple of years.

- Oh, good idea. - Oh.

Hey, what happened to the British guy?

He's coming tomorrow.

Hey, Jake.

Jake Apex. That's him. That's him right there.

I will say one thing about that man

that I've only said about Ryan Gosling... hot damn!

What's up, Winston?

I'm gonna just go...

I'm gonna go talk to him, yeah.

- You're good. - Yup.

- You're okay. - Gonna...

I didn't know that was a thing. You...

Okay.

Oh, this is very hard to watch.

It's like when Bob Costas

had that eye infection at the Oh-lympics.

You mean the Olympics.

Okay. Oh, God.

Okay, what happened?

Did I look cool?

- Uh... - Define "cool."

What happened? I don't know what hap... I blacked out.

Okay, look, Cece...

I'm gonna help you.

I'm Usher, you're Bieber.

And Jake Apex

is all the hot tracks

that we're going to make together.

- Hey. - Hey.

So, um... Ryan's not coming.

Oh, boy.

He has to work on Monday

and he thought, ultimately,

it didn't make sense, which makes sense.

It's not a big deal.

But the tour's canceled.

Hey Randy, the tour's canceled.

I don't know why I did that.

Anyway, go ahead, Nick. Go ahead.

Talk about how much this sucks.

Tell me that Ryan's not coming

'cause he's a blank who's a blank.

I do have one thing to say.

While you were away, we were all talking

about how much we wanted to go on the tour.

So don't cancel it. We'll do it with you!

- Really? - Yeah!

- Yeah! - Yes!

Really?

- Yes! - Fired up.

- We haven't stopped talking about... - Yeah, man.

Couldn't be more excited.

All 18 places!

- There's 18? - Wow.

I'm going to add a few more stops, then.

I definitely know you'd enjoy the Shakespeare Garden.

Ha-ha, great.

Guys, Jess says she's fine, but I know she's not.

Okay? She needs cheering up.

We're in her hometown.

I can't believe Ryan bailed.

I'm not happy with what Ryan's doing.

It's, it's not cool.

But today, it's all sunshine and smiles.

Hey, hey, hey, hey... Let me, let me get sunshine.

Let me get sunshine.

Okay, yeah, you can be sunshine.

Yes!

Here she is... Sunshine and smiles!