Marty

- Hello, Sam. - Hiya, Marty.

Your kid brother got married Sunday, huh, Marty?

That's right, Mrs Fusari. It was a very nice affair.

- The tall fella with the moustache? - No. No, that's my other brother Freddie.

Freddie got married about four years ago. He lives on Webb Avenue.

No, the one who got married Sunday is Nicky.

I thought he was a big, fat fella. Don't I meet him here one time?

A big, tall, fat fella, tried to sell me insurance.

Oh, no, that's my sister Margaret's husband Frank.

Margaret married the insurance salesman.

And my sister Rose married the contractor.

They moved to Detroit last year.

My other sister Frances, she got married two years ago

in St John's Church on Kingsbridge Avenue.

Oh, that was a very nice affair.

Well, let's see now. That'll be $1.79. How's that with you, Mrs Fusari?

Well...

- Hey, Marty, I'm in a hurry! - You're next right now, Mrs Canduso.

When you gonna get married, Marty? You should be ashamed of yourself.

All your brothers and sisters younger than you. They get married, they got children.

I meet your mother. She say to me "Hey, you know a nice girl for my boy Marty?"

What's the matter with you? That's no way. What's the matter with you?

- Mrs Fusari... - You get married, you hear?

- Mrs Fusari, Mrs Canduso's in a... - My boy Frank was 19 when he married.

- What's the matter? - That's swell.

You should be ashamed of yourself!

- Marty, I want a pullet, about four pounds. - Sure.

- I hear your kid brother got married. - That's right. It was a very nice affair.

Marty, you oughta be ashamed of yourself.

All your kid brothers and sisters married and got children.

When are you gonna get married?

The Giants are gonna wind up in the cellar! In the cellar!

Hey, Lou, turn on the Dodger game.

- What happened? - Yanks won both. They murdered 'em!

Any homers? Whoo!

So anyway, Leo and me, we're sittin' in the bar and these two girls come in.

- Angie come in yet? - So they come to the bar...

- Hey, Ange, you want a beer? - Yeah, I guess so.

- So I look over at the one next to me... - Hey, Lou.

- Hiya, Marty. - Hiya, Ralph.

I'm tellin' these guys about two nurses Leo and me picked up in a joint.

- Hey, Lou, let me have two beers. - So let me tell ya about these two nurses.

- Man, oh, man! - How about that, huh?

- What you readin', Joe? - Lou, turn the set off!

- They shouldn't sell magazines like this. - Imagine the effect it has on adolescents.

Now, that's something, huh?

- I went out with a girl like that. - You should live so long!

Hey, Richie, the Yankees took two today.

Hey, Marty.

Hey, Marty, Leo and me, we got a date with these two nurses tonight, you know?

So we gotta take 'em somewheres first, you know what I mean?

So I'm hard up for cash right now and I...

I owe you ten bucks already, don't I?

I'll find it somewhere else.

Hey. Hey, Richie.

That Ralph, boy, he's always got girls but no money.

- See ya, Ralph. - See ya, Joe.

So, what do you feel like doin' tonight?

I don't know, Ange. What do you feel like doin'?

Well, we oughta do somethin'. It's Saturday night.

I don't wanna go bowlin' like last Saturday.

Hey, how about callin' up that big girl we picked up in the movies a month ago

up in the RKO Chester?

- Which one was that? - That big girl that was in front of us

- with the skinny friend. - Oh, yeah, yeah.

Her name was Mary Feeney. We took 'em home all the way out in Brooklyn.

What do you say? Think we oughta give 'em a call? I'll take the skinny one.

- She maybe got a date already, Ange. - What can we lose?

I didn't like her. I don't feel like callin' her up.

Well, what do you feel like doin' tonight?

I don't know, Ange. What do you feel like doin'?

We're back to that, huh? I say "What do you feel like doin' tonight?"

You say back to me "I don't know. What do you feel like doin'?"

Then we wind up sittin' around your house with a couple of cans of beer.

I'll tell you what I feel like doin'.

I feel like callin' up this here Mary Feeney.

She likes you.

What makes you say that?

- Man, I could see she likes ya. - Yeah, sure.

- Call her up. - You call her up yourself. I don't want to.

Well, how about goin' down 72nd Street?

See what we can find down there?

Ralph says you gotta beat 'em off with clubs. Boy, you're gettin' to be a real drag!

I been lookin' for a girl every Saturday night.

I'm 34. I'm just tired of lookin', that's all!

I'd like to find a girl! Everybody's tellin' me "Get married."

Don't you think I wanna get married? I want to. Everybody drives me crazy.

I don't wanna wreck your Saturday night. You go somewhere. I don't wanna go.

Boy, my old lady, too. Every word out of her mouth: "When you gettin' married?"

My mother, boy, she drives me crazy.

So...

what do you feel like doin' tonight?

I don't know, Ange.

- What do you feel like doin'? - Hello. Yeah, he's here.

- Marty, your mother's on the phone. - My mother?

He's comin' now, Mrs Piletti.

- Hey, Marty. I'm goin' home. - Listen, Ange, come on over about 7.30.

We'll think of somethin'. Hello, Ma. What's the matter?

Your cousin Thomas and his wife Virginia, they're here and waitin' to see you.

OK, Ma. I'll be home in two minutes.

Listen, Ma, tell Thomas to stick around. I wanna see him.

OK. You come on home, huh? OK.

Marty's coming home.

So what happened about this milk bottle was, my mother-in-law is in the kitchen,

she begins pokin' her head over my shoulder here and there.

Then she tells me how I waste money, I can't cook and I'm raisin' my baby wrong.

She got me so nervous I spilled the milk for the baby.

Tommy, your mother is my sister, but...

So she says "You're spillin' the milk." She kept talkin' about these drops of milk.

Finally she got me so mad I said "Mama, you wanna see me really spill milk?"

So I picked up the bottle and I threw it at the door.

I didn't throw it at her. That's something she made up.

She tells everybody I threw a bottle of milk at her.

I didn't throw it anywheres near her.

Anyway, I was sorry, but she ran out of the house and I...

I don't know what you want me to do, but, if you want me to, I come and talk to her.

- Well, Aunt Theresa, we... - Let me tell it, Tommy.

OK.

Aunt Theresa, we want you to do a very big favour for us.

Sure.

Aunt Theresa, you got this big house here.

You got this big house just for you and Marty.

I thought Tommy's mother could come and live with you and Marty.

- Well... - I talked to Tommy's brother

and I said "You gotta take her for a couple of years!" And he says "Oh, no!"

- I sound terrible... - No, Virginia. I know how you feel.

I just can't stand it any more! Every minute of the day! Do this! Do that!

I don't have ten minutes privacy with my husband. We can't even have a fight.

We don't have any privacy!

- All right, Ginnie. Don't get so excited. - She's right, Tommy.

A young husband and wife should have their own home.

And my sister Caterina, well... she's my sister, but I must say she's an old goat.

And plenty of time in my life I feel like throw the milk bottle at her myself.

But I tell you right now, if Caterina wants to come and live here with Marty and me,

it's all right with me.

That's very nice of you, Aunt Theresa.

- Of course, we gotta ask Marty first. - Sure, sure.

Sit here. I go in the kitchen and turn a little fire under the cooking.

That's very nice of you, Aunt Theresa.

How's Marty been lately, Aunt Theresa?

Oh, he's fine. You know a nice girl he can marry?

Oh, don't worry. He'll get married.

I don't know. He sits around the house all the time.

You know a nice place where he can go to get a bride?

There's the Stardust Ballroom. That's a big dance hall.

Every Saturday night it's loaded with girls. It's a nice place.

You pay 77 cents. Well, it used to be 77 cents. Probably a dollar and a half now.

You go in and ask some girl to dance.

It's a respectable... That's where I met Virginia.

You tell Marty to go to the Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes.

"The Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes."

Right.

Aunt Theresa, this is so nice of you. I want you to know we appreciate it.

He's here.

- Hello, Marty. - Hello, Ma.

Thomas and Virginia are here.

They just had another big fight with your Aunt Caterina,

so they ask me if it's OK Caterina come live here.

I said all right with me, but we gotta ask you.

Marty, she's a lonely old woman. Nobody wants her.

Everybody's throwing her out they house.

- Well, sure, Ma. It's OK with me. - You got a good heart.

- Marty say it's all right she come here. - Thanks. Takes a load off of my mind.

- We got plenty of room here. - Oh, it's gonna be nice.

I come over tonight, I talk to Caterina. Everything is gonna work out all right.

I wanna thank you because it was becoming impossible.

Sit down, Thomas. Sit down.

Marty, I appreciate what you and your mother are doing because...

- Oh. - No, listen. What was happening...

Virginia was makin' milk and my mother...

- I promised the baby-sitter six o'clock. - OK.

- Before you go, I need some advice. - Sure. What?

Well, you're the accountant in the family. My boss wants to sell his shop to me.

- Oh, yeah? - Well, him and his wife live alone.

They wanna move out to California and live near their married daughter.

Well, he wants $5,000 down, although I think I can knock him down to four.

Tommy!

Marty, I gotta run now, but I'll meet you at mass tomorrow.

Afterwards we'll discuss it. It sounds like a good proposition.

- OK. He wants an answer by Monday. - Oh, sure.

We'll work out an arrangement about my mother. I wanna pay you...

- No, listen... - Tommy!

We'll talk about it later. Thanks again.

- Goodbye, Marty. - Goodbye, Virginia. See ya soon.

- Goodbye, Aunt Theresa. - Goodbye, Aunt Theresa. Thank you.

Hello. Is this Mary Feeney?

Well, could I speak to Miss Mary Feeney?

Just tell her an old friend.

Oh, hello there. Is this Mary Feeney?

Hello there. This is Marty Piletti. I wonder if you recall me.

Well, I'm kind of a stocky guy. The last time we met was in the RKO Chester.

You was with a friend of yours and I was with a friend of mine name of Angie.

This was about a month ago.

The RKO Chester on West Farms Square.

Yeah, you was sittin' in front of us and we was annoyin' ya and you got mad.

I'm the fella who works in a butcher shop.

Oh, come on, you know who I am.

That's right! And then we went to Howard Johnson's. You had a milk shake.

Yeah, that's right. I'm the stocky one, the heavyset fella.

Yeah. Well, I'm glad you recall me, because I had a pretty nice time that night