black-ish

There are some things

black people don't like to talk about,

like if O.J. really did it,

the proper amount of suit buttons,

and we never talk about...

- How much we love Robin Thicke. - Guys!

I love Robin Thicke, too. Uhh!

- He a'ight. - I wasn't even really listening.

I don't know who that is.

Another thing a lot of black people

don't like to talk about

is the gay people in their family.

Take my baby sister Rhonda. She's gay... I think.

She lives in a one-bedroom apartment

with her friend Sharon... Who's a mechanic,

and their cat, Kitty Lang.

So, yeah, she's definitely gay.

And I'm cool with that. Of course,

she never told me directly because we don't talk about it,

and my mom... she really doesn't talk about it.

- Hey, baby girl! - Aw!

Oh, good, you brought your mechanic roommate.

Like, really, really doesn't talk about it.

- Hey, y'all. - Hey.

- Hey. - Well, look who's practicing cookin'.

I'm not practicing.

I'm making breakfast for my children.

- Oh, God. Oh, you keep practicing. - Oh.

- Okay, Ruby, all right. - Rhonda, why don't you take a plate

- out to your mechanic friend? - Do I have to?

Well, she's probably hungry.

She's out there changing the oil on my Lincoln.

You know what? You're right, Mom.

I'm gonna do that for you,

because I don't want your car to break down,

because I love you.

Aw.

Mm. I see what you're doing. Mother's Day is coming,

so you're trying to get some brownie points

for having your friend Sharon work on mom's car.

It's not going to work.

Well, I know you think you're her favorite,

because she breastfed you until you were... eight.

Six. All right? It was a two-year wean.

I was underweight, so I had to jump back on.

Oh, you know you ain't never been underweight.

Hey. I'm still your favorite, right, Mother?

Oh, come on, now.

Y'all know rankings don't come out until December.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Mm! Even the toast.

Check you later, bro.

- All right, Sis. - Thank you.

You're welcome. Sorry about that.

Dre...

Rhonda has been with Sharon for years.

I can't believe your mom still thinks she's her roommate.

Well, technically, they are roommates.

Well, then technically, we're roommates,

and you owe me $5 for drinking all the milk.

Well, if I give you $5, will you promise

that we don't have to talk about this?

Dre, what's the worst thing that could happen

if you actually said the words "Rhonda is gay"?

What's the best thing that could happen?

- Hmm? - Auntie Rhonda is gay?

Seriously, Dre, it's like your family has

a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Oh, no, no, no, we're way nicer than that.

It's "please don't ask, please don't tell,"

and it works for us.

- Okay, Bow. - Huh?

Don't rock the boat.

Pssh! I don't rock boats.

What are you doing?! What are you doing?!

Don't make me...

I just think you should talk to your sister more.

I mean, you're missing out, 'cause I hang out

with Sharon and Rhonda all the time,

and it's amazing. We talk about everything.

There are so many inside jokes you don't even know.

Mm-hmm? I mean...

Erykah ba-don't.

"Don't." Rhonda's crazy.

Yeah, grove on Sunday? I'm free all day.

Hey, look what I made mom for Mother's Day.

Oh. Right. Sunday's Mother's Day.

I guess I can't hang out.

You are so lucky your mom's missing.

I thought we were getting her something together.

I decided to go solo.

I'm tired of splitting mom's love.

Well, good luck getting any love with this.

What's wrong with it?

If mom wanted dry pasta on cardboard,

she'd go to macaroni grill.

Guys, guess what.

Auntie Rhonda... gay!

So what else should I get mom?

Oh, now you want my help?

Uh, why isn't anyone else surprised?

Because we all knew.

Dude, auntie Rhonda lives in a one-bedroom apartment

with her girlfriend.

Since when is it gay to save money on rent?

Wow, your gaydar is seriously broken.

- What's "gaydar"? - Dude, really?

You can't even piece it together?

It's two words combined, and one of them's "radar."

Yeah, this is pretty basic stuff.

Oh, my God.

I just got "hamburglar"!

"Bromance"? "Chillax"?

"Spanglish"!

'Sup, boss? You look bothered.

No, man, just some family stuff.

Bow doesn't think I'm close enough

to my sister, who's gay.

Whoa. Been there.

I got a brother.

He's not gay or nothin', but we got our issues.

- Mm-hmm? - Yet and still

I was the best man

at he and his lifelong roommate Gustavo's

health insurance consolidation party

last summer on fire island.

That sounds like a gay wedding.

Whoa, watch your mouth there, youngster.

That's my not-gay brother you're talking 'bout there.

It seems that if he wasn't gay,

you wouldn't have to keep telling us how not gay he is.

Don't you got, like, some coffee or something

you need to be going to get? This kid here, right?

All right, it's been great visiting the 1950s.

I'm gonna go to my cubicle

and, uh, somehow make less money than you guys.

You get it, Charlie.

Damn right I get it, unlike gym shoe there.

Bow thinks Rhonda and I don't talk enough.

She's gon' rock the boat.

Well, then, you know, you You just gotta show Bow

how comfortable you are talking to your sister.

- That'll calm her down. - You're right.

We don't rock boats, Dre.

Drowning is one of the worst deaths.

- It goes fire, drowning... - Then bees.

Eh...

I can't believe I'm listening to this fool.

Look alive! Whoa! Oh!

Oh, God. I always forget to say that earlier.

I brought cold brewskis.

- Hey! - Oh!

Because all lesbians love beer?

Uh... And apparently scaring people.

- By the way, though, this Buick's sweet. - Uh-huh.

You guys, let's go drink these somewhere else.

I'm-a blame the broken window on one of the kids.

Mm! Mm!

So what's going on with you guys?

What else is happening?

- Hmm? - Nothing.

Nothing?

Come on. Yo!

You can talk to me. We have jokes.

Erykah ba-don't.

What?

Wait. What are you talking about?

That's our joke. Erykah... no?

No. That's not us?

Oh. Nurse Larry. Nurse Larry's crazy.

More like Erykah ba-don't!

What?

Who do I do this with?

No, but seriously, guys, what's going on?

I feel like you're hiding something from me.

Come on! I know you're not telling me something.

- Tell me, tell me, tell me. - We're getting married.

Dude, not cool.

What?

That's wonderful! That's so wonderful!

Why would you not tell me that?

I don't know. We just wanted to keep it, you know, real low-key.

No, you wanna keep it low-key.

Look, it's not about you guys. It's... it's... it's about mom.

'Cause if I invite you and Dre, then I have to invite her,

and... That would be a disaster.

Wait. Rhonda, you really think your mom is that closed off

that she wouldn't be excited

about a big life moment like this?

Uh, my mom is so homophobic,

she wouldn't let Dre eat bananas when he was a kid.

Not in my house.

- Wow. - Oh. Wow.

It's just not worth the drama.

Listen, I understand not telling your mom,

but don't you think that Dre would wanna know?

Granted, he's not the greatest listener.

You know, he just kind of, like, smiles and nods sometimes.

You don't know if he's processing anything...