Only Murders in the Building

Go, go, go!

Doors closed! Stay inside!

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

Oh my god, oh my god... Help me, someone!

We gotta get her! I'm not leaving her here!

‐ Oh, and I would? ‐ Of course you would!

‐ Of course I would!

‐ It's not what you think.

Here's a thing I don't get.

People who worry about living in a big city

because of all the crime.

As any true crime aficionado will tell you,

it's the boondocks you need to worry about.

I mean, let's face it. Nobody ever discovered 19 bodies buried

in the backyard of a 14‐story apartment building.

There's eyes on you all over the place here.

And New Yorkers have a special way of communicating.

And by special, I mean direct.

We're packed in tight and stacked on top of each other

like those of us who live...

at the Arconia.

‐ Hey, hold up. Wait, are you...

‐ I'm Brazzos. Oh shit, dude!

I used to watch that show with my dad

when I was a kid! That was his favorite!

Wait, what was that thing you always said?

‐ This sends the investigation into a whole new direction.

That's it, man! That's it!

Oh shit! So cool.

Dad's got ALS now.

He can't really talk or...

feed himself anymore. ‐ I'm sorry.

‐ He's in hospice, but...

he just won't let go, you know?

And, honestly, it'd be, like, better for my whole family if...

if he would.

‐ You want a photo? Yes! Of course!

Yes! That'd be awesome. Thanks, man!

‐ Actually, could you do it landscape?

Turn it sideways. Better if you turn it there. Yeah.

That's good, that's good. Yep.

‐ You tell your dad Brazzos took that picture.

‐ I will, I will, but he won't understand, you know?

Not anymore.

‐ Bye. Thanks, man. Thanks a lot.

New York can be a fucking lot.

All the eyes on you all the time.

‐ Hey, baby. Where you going so tough?

Two thousand women report assaults here every year,

so it's a place that makes you binge Dateline

to find out how not to end up on Dateline.

I have this recurring dream.

I'm in bed, I wake up,

and there's a man standing over me.

So, I kick him right in the nuts, and I grab my knitting needle...

...and I take him down

to the bone with that thing.

Sometimes, when I can't sleep,

I imagine brutally murdering that dude.

And I'm out like a light. Works every time.

As I said, it's a lot. Don't be here if you don't like a lot.

"NYC. What is it about you?"

Which, of course, is a line from a big hit show about an orphan.

And don't we all feel like orphans here at times,

struggling to find our place?

I saw this brilliant dance piece on the worldwide web recently,

set to Clair de Lune.

A simple premise of a man trying to reach

the top of a staircase and falling,

but always trying to find some new way

to bounce back up again.

And I thought, isn't that each of us,

every day in this big burg?

That's life in New‐‐

Really?!

Do you not see this coat!?

Still, one thing is certain in this town.

Just when it's all starting to feel the same,

that's when you get hit by something

you never saw coming.

Hey, Lester.

: Oh, Ursula, my darling.

Anything for me? ‐ Yep. Save me a trip.

‐ Oh. Yeah, this is all research for shows I'm developing.

Some off‐, some off‐off, you know?

Stay out of the theater if you want a life, Ursula. Trust me.

Hold it!

Ah! Oh! Sorry. Thanks.

I just‐‐ Ooh!

Ah! Got it.

Sorry, I'm just, uh, I‐I have

an important thing a little bit later‐‐ ‐ Yeah, me, too.

‐ Oh, hello.

Filming something today? ‐ I'm sorry?

‐ All the makeup, I just assumed.

‐ I'm not wearing makeup.

‐ Oh. Okay.

Me neither.

Is it 5:00 yet, do you know?

‐ No. ‐ No.

‐ Tim Kono.

With a K. Yes.

Do you see anything you got in today's packages?

Okay. I don't know why this keeps happening.

Well, this one is very important to me.

How early tomorrow? ‐

‐ Do you like your Beats?

I had a yellow pair. I just loved them so much.

And then, like an idiot,

I leave them on the subway.

The thing is, when you lose something on the subway,

you‐you don't know‐‐ Ding!

Even the elevator wanted that story to end.

‐ Come on, Winnie.

Winnie. No.

Okay.

You're listening to All Is Not OK In Oklahoma,

from Cinda Canning.

Funding is provided by our sponsors,

The Rand Corporation, the Milton and Miriam Swann Foundation

for the Arts and for Dissolving the Federal Reserve,

and Trader Joe's.

With additional support from Royal Crown Cruises,

the Royal Crown Prince of Dubai,

and listeners like you.

And now, here's Cinda Canning

with episode six of All Is Not OK In Oklahoma.

When Ray Butler walked me into the woods

behind his barn that night in Chickasha

I wasn't expecting to find anything

related to the disappearance of his niece, Becky.

I was thinking more about Ray's unorthodox clothing choice

for farm living.

But that all changed because of what was going on

next to the riverbed,

where Ray's old Lab, Bo,

was digging at something in the dirt.

Once he got his dug‐up prize,

Bo ran proudly to me with it dangling in his mouth.

It took a moment to absorb what it was,

but then, it became all too clear.

Bo had found...

‐ Shit!

‐ My gah... No.

Yeah! That's good.

‐ Lester, is this real? ‐ I don't know. We're finding out.

Even in a steady Oklahoma rain,

I was transfixed...

‐ Well, look who got the last booth!

But all that changed because of what was going on next to the riverbed.

‐ Listen, if I've ever offended you

during any of the many times you've auditioned for me,

then‐‐ ‐ I've never auditioned for you.

‐ Oh, you're not Scott Bakula?

‐ I am not.

‐ Oh! You're the other one. Got it.

Well, listen, I‐I won't say a word,

but my, uh, favorite podcast just dropped a new episode tonight, and‐‐

‐ What does Bo have in his mouth?

‐ I don't know!

Oh...

Exc...

‐ Do you know if there's any available? ‐ I'm sorry. We're totally booked...

‐ Hey! Come over!

‐ Thank you.

‐ Yeah!

Sit down! Half the building's in here.

I'm Oliver, by the way. Oliver Putnam.

‐ Charles. Charles‐Haden Savage.

‐ Hey. I'm Mabel.

‐ No, really. What is‐‐ Oh.

A great old school name.

‐ Get out.

What the fuck is in Bo's mouth?

Becky's panties!

‐ It is not Ray. Too obvious. ‐ Exactly.