Devil in My Ride

>> OHH!

OH, SHIT!

YOU'RE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.

YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU'RE LIKE IF THE SUNSET AND

THE SUNRISE -- THEY MET

SOMEWHERE AND THEY MADE LOVE.

YOU'D BE THAT BIRTH.

>> OH, MY GOD.

YOU ARE SO GOOD WITH YOUR WORDS.

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A

J.C. PENNEY MODEL!

>> YOU'RE MY BREAKFAST BEER.

YOU KNOW THAT?

>> MM-HMM, BUT I'M GONNA GIVE

YOU FRITO TOES.

>> FUCK, YES.

GET IN HERE. COME ON.

SHIT! NO! FUCK!

OH, I GOT TO -- SHIT.

I-I GOT TO GO.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO RAIN-CHECK

ON THE FRITO TOES.

>> WAIT. WHY?

>> BECAUSE MY SIS IS GETTING

MARRIED, AND I'M FUCKING LATE!

>> WELL, I'LL COME WITH YOU.

>> NOT A GOOD IDEA, ACTUALLY.

YOU CAN'T GO WITH ME 'CAUSE I

FORGOT TO R.S.V.P. OR WHATEVER,

AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA KNOW IF

YOU WANT CHICKEN AND ALL THAT

KIND OF SHIT.

I DON'T HAVE MONEY FOR A DRESS,

SO...

LOOK, YOU'RE AWESOME, SERIOUSLY,

AND YOU ROCKED ME LAST NIGHT.

THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.

BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S REALLY

WORKING OUT BETWEEN

THE TWO OF US.

WE DON'T COMMUNICA--

GOD DAMN. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THAT'S MY FAVORITE BAND!

>> BUT YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME.

>> NO. NO.

I DEFINITELY DID NOT SAY

I LOVE YOU.

>> YES, YOU DID!

WHEN I SHOWED YOU WHAT I COULD

DO WITH MY LEG, YOU SAID, "I

LOVE YOU!"

>> NO, I DID NOT!

I SAID THAT YOUR HAIR SMELLED

LIKE THE ELEPHANT-EAR STAND AT

THE FAIR, AND I SAID THAT THERE

WAS PROBABLY A TREE SOMEWHERE ON

SOME EXOTIC ISLAND THAT GROWS

ASSES JUST LIKE YOURS.

DAMN IT!

WELL, YOU CAN'T BELIEVE

EVERYTHING THAT A MAN SAYS WHEN

YOU LET HIM DO SOMETHING

LIKE THAT!

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

>> JESUS! WHO DO YOU THINK

YOU ARE -- MY MOTHER?!

YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME AFTER WE

DEPLOYED THE AIR BAG.

>> YEAH, BECAUSE THAT WAS

AMAZING!

I SAID I LOVED THAT!

"THAT WAS AWESOME," IS WHAT I

SAID.

>> GOD DAMN IT!

>> GUS! NO, GUS!

>> WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU

ABOUT TALKING TO MY LITTLE

SISTER?!

>> WE WEREN'T TALKING, GUSTOR!

WE WERE FUCKING!

>> OH, THAT'S IT, ASSWIPE!

>> YOU ARE SO FUCKING LUCKY I

AIN'T GOT TIME RIGHT NOW 'CAUSE

I GOT TO GO TO MY SISTER'S

WEDDING.

>> OH, THAT LITTLE SLUT'S

GETTING MARRIED?!

>> DON'T EVER FUCKING TALK ABOUT

MY SISTER, GUSTOR!

>> OHH! MY TOOTH, DAMN IT!

GOD DAMN IT!

>> TAKE ME WITH YOU.

>> GOT TO GO. CAN'T DO IT.

SORT THAT MAN OUT AND DON'T

TOUCH MY FUCKING VAN AGAIN!

>> FUCKING LOSER!

>> I FUCKING HATE YOU!

>> END IT.

>> OKAY.

DESTRUCTION!

I OWN YOU.

TAKE IT OFF.

OH, COME ON.

THAT'S THE PARROT DEMON.

I BELIEVE THAT'S 16 PLUS DAMAGE,

32 DEFENSE, 88 MAGIC.

YOU KNOW THE RULES.

NOW STRIP.

>> I WILL NOT.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I'M SO

EXCITED ABOUT MARRYING YOU,

THOUGH?

>> OH, DON'T STALL.

>> I'M NOT STALLING.

>> LET ME SEE THAT SEXY BUTT.

>> SERIOUSLY, DO YOU WANT TO

KNOW?

>> OKAY. THAT YOU GET TO BE

MARRIED TO ME FOR ALL OF

ETERNITY?

>> NO. IT'S THAT NOW I WILL OWN

HALF...OF YOUR CARDS.

LIKE...

YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME.

>> WAIT A MINUTE.

>> OKAY.

>> I'M SORRY.

I HAVE TO GET IT.

>> NO.

>> MM-HMM.

>> NO.

>> MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

I HAVE TO GET IT.

HELLO?

TRAVIS?

OH, MY GOD.

WAIT. YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT?

OH, CHICKEN PICKLE?

YEAH, I LOVE YOU, TOO.

BYE.

MY BROTHER'S COMING.

>> BROTHER?

WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR, WHAT, TWO

YEARS NOW, AND I HAVEN'T MET HIM

YET?

>> WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS?

>> WHAT? I'M JUST SAYING I'VE

HEARD IT BEFORE.

>> WHATEVER.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T NEED THIS.

>> NO. NO, COME HERE.

>> WHAT? STOP.

YOU KNOW I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

>> I'M SORRY.

>> AW, DAMN. YOU NEED SOME HELP?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> GOD DAMN.

>> THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.

PROBABLY JUST SAVED YOU LADIES'

LIVES JUST NOW.

>> WELL...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP.

>> NO PROBLEM.

>> YEAH.

>> IS SHE OKAY?

>> UM...

SHE'S BEEN VERY SICK, AND AN

EVIL HAS COME OVER HER SOUL.

>> YEAH. FLU SEASON CAN BE A

BITCH, RIGHT?!

>> HOW CAN I REPAY YOU?

>> I'VE GOT SO MANY ANSWERS TO

THAT QUESTION, BUT I AM RUNNING

LATE, ACTUALLY.

TELL YOU WHAT -- NEXT TIME

YOU'RE IN TOWN, JUST, UH, LOOK

ME UP.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> LOOK FOR BLACK MAMA.

YOU KNOW, WE COULD FIGURE

SOMETHING OUT.

>> YEAH, I'M SURE WE COULD.

>> YEAH.

WHAT'S THAT SAY?

>> OH, UM, THE BOX -- THE BOX

SAYS, "GOT WILL SAVE US."

>> HELL, I THINK HE JUST HAS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GOING TO MY SISTER'S WEDDING

RIGHT NOW.

I TELL YOU WHAT -- I'LL GIVE YOU

100 BUCKS FOR THE NECKLACE.

>> NO. NO. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

>> COME ON.

YOU SAID, "HOW CAN YOU REPAY?"

I'LL GIVE YOU $105, GRANDMA.

THAT'S ALL I GOT.

>> DO NOT INVITE DIABLOS AND