Lost and Found in Armenia (Կորած մոլորվածը Հայաստանում)

Hello.

Bill.

You Awake?

Hello?

Bill.

Come on,

not again.

Bill.

I have

a great idea.

Like coming

to Turkey to relax?

Dude, come on.

Get over it,

all right?

So, you got dumped

by your fiancée.

Big deal.

She didn't dump me.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I forgot.

While you two were taking

some time apart, she was off

banging other dudes.

Did you just call

to ruin my day or--

Actually, I called

to tell you that today

we're going to have

some fun, all right?

So, put on

a happy face.

And after my morning sex,

we are going to hit

the beach.

We'll see.

Hello, my American friend.

How you do,

you do, you do?

How do you do,

my Turkish friend?

Very nice.

You like some

breakfast?

Mm, Kamal, breakfast

of champions,

right here.

I see, I see.

Listen, listen.

You want

hashish?

Coke?

Opio.

No, thank you.

I don't need

any vitamins today.

Ah, I see

in your eyes

you want girl.

Sexy girl

I bring for you.

Nope, no girls.

I just had

my heart broken.

I hate girls.

You hate girls?

Understanding,

understanding.

Understand.

You want boys?

What?

Boys, boys.

Very strong boys.

Cheap.

Cheap?

Sheep?

You want sheep?

No problem,

I bring you sheep.

Kamal, I don't want

anything, okay?

I want to be

left alone.

To suffer.

You understand

what I'm saying?

Suffer.

Okay, okay, okay.

Why are you yelling?

I no understand

you American people.

You come to Turkey,

you no want hashish,

you no want girl,

you no want boy,

you no want sheep.

Who doesn't want sheep?

Why you people come--

Why you come

to Turkey?

Hey, there he is.

You ready to have

some fun?

No.

Yes, you are.

Come on.

Salam.

Hey, babe.

I got tea.

Tea time.

Thank you.

Come here.

Get out of here.

We're on the beach.

Bill.

Hey, Bill.

You want some tea?

Hey, amigo.

Andale.

George, why are you

calling him amigo?

He's not Mexican.

Mexican, Turkish,

what's the difference?

They all look stupid

with those mustaches.

Oh, my God, we are so

those Americans.

Yes, we are.

Hey, hey.

Super Mario.

Salam.

No salami.

Dos "watermelonos"

ice "creamos".

Oh, oh, ice cream.

Ice cream.

Ice cream.

No, no, no, no.

Dos. Dos.

Two. Two.

Oh.

Ah.

Two.

Here, take

your Monopoly money.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, hey, Bill,

you want an ice cream?

Whoa.

Bill, you ever tried

parasailing?

No.

Come on.

You don't know

what you're missing, man.

I'm scared

of heights.

Scared of heights?

It's like ten feet.

Who's scared of ten feet?

I am.

Come on, man,

you're doing it.

Come on.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

You are.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

That's the end

of this conversation.

I'm staying

right here,

on the ground.

Ouch.

Hey, amigo, make sure

you tie him up real tight.

El tightlio.

Is this safe?

Ahmed, tell him

it's safe.

It's safe.

See?

Last time my friend

flew with this,

he was this fat.

He-he is dead now.

Parasailing?

No, from cholesterol.

Isn't there some kind of class

that I should take to learn

how to do this?

What about a pamphlet?

You know, safety

regulations.

Oh, safety regulations.