Perry Mason

Now, you two have done good so far.

So, keep calm, keep breathing right.

It's almost over.

What are they saying now?

Shut up.

You shouldn't talk to your wife that way.

She's been through a lot.

Listen here!

No, you listen.

You listen and do exactly what the fuck I tell you to do

or this ends real bad.

Do you see that desk behind you?

Put your fancy fucking suitcase on that desk.

Not until I see my son.

All right.

They're loading up a car up above,

your kid's in that car.

Put the case on the desk and open it up.

O... O... O... Okay. Hold... Hold on.

I'm here.

We're gonna give you a look.

You see the kid, you run down the street.

Get the kid off the car, don't look back,

and never say a word about it.

He's on the car. Charlie's on the car.

Do we understand each other?

- Yes, yes. - Please. Please don't hurt him.

Here it comes.

Charlie.

Let's go, let's go!

Excuse me. Move, move.

Excuse me.

Oh, Charlie boy. Charlie boy.

Jesus.

Oh, you're such a brave boy.

You're not crying.

Matthew. Matthew.

Yes.

What's wrong? What's wrong with him?

What's wrong with him?

- Charlie! - (SCREAMS)

Jesus Christ!

- (CRYING) - Help! Help!

Jesus!

Help!

Help!

Okay, Mason, here's one for you.

Are you being cheated out of life's thrills?

Probably.

Love, romance, excitement?

Never heard of them.

Mayhaps you should read Lipstick Girl

by Edna Robb Webster.

Never heard of her.

Hey, what do you know? It begins today.

Forty cents for two coffees and toast?

How many gallons do you throw in the truck?

- Uh, six. Six gallons?

Three days of meals, another two days of gas.

Oh, yeah. Here we go.

Chapter one.

The Pappe & Son Department Store,

the largest mercantile establishment in Mitchelfield

- was arousing itself noise... - S.S. Chubby's setting sail.

- Hey. Come on. - Say goodbye to Edna.

Get out in front of him; I'll follow from behind.

- Lot of behind to follow. - (WHISPERS) Go.

You're kidding me.

We get to go to the movies.

Hey!

Cut it out now.

Fucking horse kicking him in the ass,

how do you not find that hilarious?

I grew up on a farm.

Steering's all loose.

- What'd you do it? - I didn't do anything.

You know, maybe Chubby's keeping it clean

'cause he's seen this milk truck following him around town.

If you don't have a car, don't complain.

Not my fault, Ruthie broke the axle.

Another complaint. Just 'cause the guy

has a high-pitched voice, that's no reason

to rob a guy of his livelihood.

He brought a lot of joy to a lot of people.

Well, he's not bringing me any.

Three days waiting for him to stick his dick in something.

Studio signs him to a contract, they should honor it.

Who cares what he does with his pants off?

Walt LeBaron cares, that's who.

He's the one who's paying you.

Morals clause, shmorals clause.

Whole town needs a shot in the dick.

Hey, heading right.

Hey.

VELMA "RED" FULLER: Hi, Chubby.

Well, hello, Red.

Oh, wow.

Here we go.

Hey, how about I have a look? You stay in the truck?

Sure.

You know, that's your problem. You get no pleasure out of life.

Shut up.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

- (SCREAMING) Pete, start the truck!

Pete, start the car!

- (CAR ENGINE STARTS) Son of a bitch!

I'll get you, you prick!

You sons of bitches!

I'm going to kill you, you cocksuckers.

- (PETE LAUGHS) - Oh, yeah!

Chubby, you glorious bastard!

He threw a shoe at me.

I'm your biggest fan!

Evening, Rigoberto. Can you open the gate?

I can if you say it.

Something about a clown.

Does it have to be in Spanish?

This whole place used to be Spanish.

Shit.

What are you doing? Trying to get yourself killed?

You want some breakfast?

Here, get up, get up.

Good girl. Good girl. Good girl.

Eat your hay. Stay off the runway.

Come on.

Now, stay.

Not you.

They don't want me around either.

"I'd have said it was over when the talkies came."

But clearly,

the man still has a lot to offer the world.

How did you get in here?

"The clown carries you."

He just... he just gave you the password?

Well, I'm a very persuasive lawyer.

- You forget that sometimes. - Yup.

I try to forget a lot of things.

At some point, you got to admit this isn't working out.

What do you mean?

Let me speak for the dead

and say your parents didn't want this for you.

The farm's still here.

You got pans on their bed.

What do you want, E.B.?

Herman Baggerly called me last night.

I called you, you don't answer.

Who's Herman Baggerly?

Major player, boyo. Lumber, real estate,

one of the fattest bank accounts in the city.

What's he doing with you then?

I've helped him in the past.

Certain business matters which require discretion

- and finesse. Yeah, 20 bucks

- a billable hour. - Well, man has to eat.

And I'd say we both understand that.

And you need me why, E.B.?

Because some friend of his is in trouble,

the police are involved and you're good at your job.

3:00 p.m. at my office.

I don't know, I got a lot going on today.

The Chubby thing, and I'm due in court.

I'm getting paid to serve as a material witness.

- That Frank Dillon case. - Deep pockets on Baggerly.

- Opportunity for both of us. - Yeah? Is he looking to buy

a two-cow dairy in the middle of an airport?

You're really thinking to sell?

I haven't seen you in three months, E.B.

Well, it's been quiet out there, boyo.

I don't deny it.

But this is a live one.

3:00 p.m., wear your good suit.

This is my good suit.

And there's egg on your tie.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, that's him all right.

No question of moral relativity here.

I mean, that's...

that's food. (CHUCKLES)

- Pumpkin pie, I'm pretty sure. I blame his agent.

I mean, I got nothing against the guy myself,