Brickleberry

- So on this sad, and yet happy day,

Let's all raise a glass to celebrate the retirement

Of everyone's favorite park ranger,

The glue that held us all together for so many years,

To...

Harold.

Who the is harold?

I've never heard of him.

- Woody put him on lookout duty in the fire tower 20 years ago

And forgot to relieve him.

- So he spent two decades by himself in a small tower?

- Wow, he's lucky he didn't go nuts.

You're the devil.

I will burn you!

you got to catch me first.

- Tequila sunrise, hold the sunrise.

- It's on the house. - Well, aren't you a sweetheart?

- Do you really think the bartender

Just gave you a free drink because he's a sweetheart?

Yeah, why else?

- Because your pants are so tight,

I can read the mileage on your vagina.

That is so sexist.

I don't get preferential treatment because of my looks.

He gives out drinks because he's a nice guy.

- Can I get a glass of tap water?

Beat it, sea world.

- Woody, after two years of hard work,

My sanctuary for orphan baby animals

Is almost complete.

Will you throw me a big grand opening party?

- Sure, ethel, whatever you want.

- Yes! See, malloy? It's not about my good looks.

It's about my good ideas. - Ohh, yeah...

Of course it is.

Woody...Could I--

No, off!

Listen, people,

Now that our darling harold

Has retired to florida...

- I thought they locked him up in a mental institution.

- Florida, mental institution-- what's the difference?

Anyway, we need a new ranger a.S.A.P.

Now, I got some money from jackubowski

To shoot a recruitment video.

It's got to be good--

Like, godfather iii good.

Not dog shit like them first two.

Ethel, since you're the only person here

With a somewhat human appearance,

You're gonna be my lead actress.

- Woody, did you forget something?

It's the first of the month.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

The ranger of the month is...

Steve again.

Yay.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go to my office for an important meeting.

- And I have to call my mom and tell her the good news.

Hey...

I know that ringtone.

Hi, mom.

Mom! What are you doing?

Hi, honey.

Ooh!

We were just, uh--

Oh, I lost my car keys.

I was looking for them with my dick

In your mom's cooch.

You're screwing my mom!

- Look, honey, it's complicated.

- No, it's not. It's simple.

Your mom had sex with me to get you a job here,

And every month since

So you can be ranger of the month

Even though you suck!

- What? But I earned this medal.

I'm not a bad ranger.

Yeah, just like my balls

Ain't slapping around on your mom's ass crack.

- Oh, sorry you had to find out like this, dear.

Oh, got them!

Hey, hang on, I don't drive a saab.

- Ranger recruitment video, take one.

And...Action!

- Why would you want to work at brickleberry national park?

Here's two reasons.

Now jump up and down and shake that sweater meat.

Boing-boing.

- Cut! That's not your line.

That's your direction.

Now get them b-cups bouncin'.

- Screw this. I'm outta here.

- Fine! I don't need you!

I don't need any of you!

Get the hell off my set.

I'll finish this crap myself.

Ow!

Woody's a real mother .

What's the matter, sweetie?

What's the matter?

You're banging my boss

So I could be ranger of the month.

- Oh, you're still upset about that?

It's really not a big deal.

I'd do anything with anyone for my son.

Always have.

- Wait... You've done this before?

- Faster! Faster!

But the light's red.

Don't stop.

Oh, don't stop!

Okay.

Great job.

You passed.

- You had sex with everyone on the opposing team?

That was a long day.

Anywho, pizza for dinner?

Jeez, mom.

You have to promise me that you won't

Sleep with anybody else in order to help me out.

I'm taking my life back.

You hear me?

Mom!

Ease back, cochise.

It's just the tip.

All right, here it is,

The finished recruitment video.

Denzel, try not to talk to the screen.

Ha!

Ugh!

Brickleberry!

The legend continues!

What the hell was that?

- That was $3.2 million of taxpayer money well-spent.

But it doesn't make any sense.

- Eh, screw you. It worked.

Look at all these applicants.

Navy seal, green beret, ted nugent.

- I'll handle the hiring process.

We need to show these applicants

That working here is serious business.

Pow!

Ha-ha, got her.

Welcome to hell week.

You want to be a brickleberry ranger?

Well, this is your chance to prove it.

For those who can't cut it, ring the loser bell.

Who's that?

- One of your coworkers if you make it.

You'll be seeing her every day.

Me first! Me first!

Sorry I'm late.

Looks like we have a winner.

Woody, it's been a difficult search,

But I think I've found our ranger.

Dirk, come on in.

Meet dirk mahogany.

He's a former navy seal,

And he was the guy who landed the kill shot

That took down bin laden.

Oh, and best of all,

He is an expert on orphan baby animals.

Hey, sounds terrific.

Good job, ethel.

Holy shit.

Hi, I'm amber.

- Wow. - Damn!

I'm here about the job.

- Yeah, actually, we've already decided--

That you're hired.

Oh, goodie!

- What? - Yes!

- Woody, how could you possibly hire that girl?

Do you know what she did her first morning on the job?

You shot my husband!

- Oh, I thought he was a bear attacking you.

He's not a bear!

He's just armenian.

- It's okay. She's hot.

Bear!

- So the world has one less clogged shower drain.

Amber ain't going anywhere, ethel.

Good morning, everybody.

- So, ethel, how's it feel to be the new connie?

- Woody, I put all my dirty panties

In your cabin like you asked.

What's my next assignment?

- Oh, pick up them pencils I dropped on the floor.

Where?

Here's good.