Evil Ed

McClane. This is Sam Campbell, your boss.

Now, open up, goddammit.

Hey, McClane, be reasonable.

McClane, open up.

Fuck you and your bloody company!

You little maggot piece of shit.

You're going to regret this.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Me?

I'm just another chunk of meat...

lost in brainland.

Oh, shit.

Don't you dare to do that.

Put it down.

I said, "put it down".

You're fired!

Edward, can you come in for a moment?'

Yes?

Edward, I've been asked...

Sir, I have a Milan Milanovich on the line.

Will you take the call, sir?

No. Er...

I'll call him back later.

Edward, I've been asked to lend you to another department.

You'll get your instructions from, er...

from this fine, young man.

Er... Samuel Campbell.

That's great.

'It's molesting time.'

Oh, I'm Sam Campbell.

Welcome to the team. Have a seat.

So, this is the Splatter and Gore Department.

Yes, it is. But right now, I'd rather call it the "Loose Limbs" Department.

European distributors have bought the whole "Loose Limbs" series.

We're planning on showing Part One all over Europe next spring.

I don't understand.

It's big.

It's real big. It is huge.

It's a $100 million deal.

But why have you...

I personally think it's sad and very wrong.

But as you know, of course,

there is legislation in some of the European countries

that forces us to cut down a bit on the violence in these films.

- You want me to... - We're running a very tight schedule here.

I need all the extra resources I can get.

I want you to get started as soon as possible.

- Let's say... - 'God, you're bleeding bad!

'Would you like me to cut off the other one, too?'

On Monday?

Are you sure I'm really qualified for this kind of work?

You're just the man I need, Eddie.

You're perfect.

I have a little house just outside town.

Since we are just a tad short of space here,

I've arranged for you to work there.

It is a little inconvenient, but you'll manage, right?

And remember, like we say here at Splatter and Gore Department,

you keep 'em heads rollin', hear?

European Distributors, Edward Tor Swenson.

- Hi, darling. - Hello, Barbara.

So how's work going? I... I'm not interrupting you, am I?

Nah, it's OK.

'You never talk about work. Is it that awful?'

- No. - Tell me.

No, trust me, honey, you don't want to know.

- Yes, I do. - Believe...

Edward, I'm not a child, so don't treat me like one, OK?

OK.

In this film, there's a scene where a woman gets raped by a beaver

and then shot in the head with a bazooka.

'Oh, Edward, that's disgusting.

- I can't believe you're telling me this. - Honey...

'Well, it's awful. A beaver? It's perverted.'

Honey, I'm doing it for a good cause.

'I know. And I love you for that.

- 'Of course, I love you anyway.' - I love you, too.

'And you won't forget about Emmy's birthday party next Sunday?'

No, no, I won't forget.

- Promise? - I promise.

- 'Are you sure?' - I'll be there.

- And I thought we could start at 5. - Yeah, 5 pm.

- 'Don't be late.' - Sharp.

- 'Take care now.' - OK.

- 'And don't work too hard. Love you.' - I love you, too.

Bye.

Come on, hon, show me what you got.

Do you like what you see, darling?

Well, yeah.

Do you like my body, baby?

Yeah, I... I want your body.

Come on, baby.

You can have it.

Well, not all of it. I think I'll settle for an arm.

"An arm"?

Do you like what you see, darling?

Well, yeah.

'I don't feel a thing. Is the nail gone now, Dr Wrench?'

'Soon, my love, soon.'

- Yes! - Cool!

'My foot!'

'Well, hey, don't thank me.

'Thank science.'

Hi, Mel.

Hi. Hi, honey.

- Hi, baby, what's up? - Not much. What are you guys watching?

"Loose Limbs 5".

Yeah!

Really, Nick, can I ask you something?

Do you always have to watch these kind of films?

Nah, I'm not all fucked up...

“Vet.

Stop it, Nick. Nick, stop it.

Nick, stop it. Who do you think you are? Hannibal the Cannibal?

Thank you.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Hey, Nick, where are you?

Hmm... here, Mr Campbell.

I hired a new editor for the "Loose Limbs" series.

I think he's pretty well set up for a while.

But I want you... yeah, you

to be responsible for delivering new films when he needs them.

Sure thing, Mr Campbell.

- Whoa. - Damn.

- Hey, Nick. - Yes, Mr Campbell?

Don't you screw it up.

No, Mr Campbell.

Whoa!

- 'It's disgusting.' - 'Funky.'

'Where the fuck is my chainsaw?'

- Hi, baby. - Hi, honey, how are you doing?

- I'm like cool. - Fine.

- You know, I missed you today. - I missed you too.

- You know, the day has just been... - Uh-huh.

I got so much to do.

Why is "Loose Limbs 8" in my office when it should be with Eddie?

Number 8?

Urn, that's because, urn...

...er, I forgot.

You are a piece of shit.

- Yes, sir. - You'd better go now.

Yes, sir.

Any..

Are there any messages for me, Melanie?

Oh, no, no. I'm sorry, sir. There's no messages for you today.

- Yuck. - My God, he's so disgusting, you know?

- I'm so glad he's not my boss. - Well, he's mine.

The way he's pushing me around from morning till evening, you know?

Like every fucking day, you know? I can't believe this.

The way he walks in - he stares, and he's really disgusting, you know?

And he smells so awful. And he smokes a lot.

- Uh-huh. - I can't believe he treats you this way.

'Come on, punk. Make my day.'

Oh, hi, Eddie.

Come on in, come on in.

So, Eddie, what's your problem?

I... I don't feel so good.

I don't know what's happening to me.

I'm not sure if this job...

the violence, or the blood...

I don't know if I'm able to continue with...

Well, Edward, neither do I.

So you tell me.

I want my old job back.

These films, they give me the creeps.

Don't forget your appointment at 10, Mr Campbell.

I won't, honey.

Edward...

I think it's important that you and I are open and honest with each other.

You see, I'm not your mother or shrink.

I'm your boss.

I don't need to know your emotional state of mind.

What I need is results, Edward, results.

And if you can't give me those results, you tell me, hear?

Because if not, I'll have you fired.

- But Mr Campbell, you can't mean that... - Nice talking to you, Edward.

Have a nice day.

Mr Campbell...

'Hey, honey, Daddy's back.'

'Oh, no, oh, no.

(Ivl_ Ne!'

'Pain.

'Don't you love it?'

'Oops, did it hurt?'

- 'N0!' - 'Stop that.

'Stop it.

'Bitch!

'Don't you fucking look at me!'

'Don't you fucking look at me!'

'You maggot little piece of...

'Don't you fucking look at me!'

Don't you fucking look at me!

Yes?

'Hello. Eddie?'

- Yes, it's me. - 'This is Sam at European.

'Are you OK?'

I think I maybe should be taken to a hospital.

Uh-huh. What's wrong?

Are you feeling ill, homesick?

I don't know.