The Bedford Incident

In here, please.

This is it, the most luxurious quarters on the Bedford...

...except for the captain's cabin.

That landing a little bit hairy, huh?

- Plenty hairy. - Are you kidding?

I'm Ensign Ralston.

- You must be Mr. Ben Munceford. - That's right, ensign.

Ensigns are usually called mister, sir. Dr. Potter?

Glad to meet you, mister.

Mr. Munceford, it's a great honour meeting you.

We've all read your stuff.

I hope we can give you what you're looking for.

I'm sure you will.

You wanna watch how you secure that equipment, Mr. Munceford.

Dropped it like a bundle of old newspapers.

We're likely to make another radical change of course.

- Is it always like this? - Only during general quarters, sir.

Oh, I see.

Try to make yourselves comfortable.

I suggest you find where the most convenient handholds are.

I mean it, I would do that on the bunk.

You tell Capt. Finlander we'll be right out.

Can't do that, sir. Good luck.

What is he doing? Making U-turns up there?

- Commander Potter, sir. - Yes?

Captain's compliments.

You should be in your GQ station. That's in sickbay, sir.

- Will you put these on? - Sure.

Meantime, I'll climb topside and check what's going on.

I'm sorry, sir. That's against regulations.

Which regulations?

This section's been compartmented off, in case we take a torpedo, sir.

Well, I appreciate the realism, sailor. Oh, that's extremely good.

Commendatory.

But since it's only practice, how about a little cooperation, huh?

I'm sorry, Mr. Munceford.

- What kind of an attitude is that? - The captain's attitude.

He'd chew me out. You understand.

- Ready, sir? - Yeah.

We've tried to cooperate, sir. We've had the typewriter installed for you.

This way, sir.

The new medical officer, Lieutenant Commander Potter.

Gentlemen.

I'll be right with you, commander.

Get a move on. You've been holding me up for three minutes.

The violet stain, chief, it takes time.

While you're watching for it to show, triple-check that bucket.

Lookout spotted that stuff only about a half an hour ago.

Chief hospital man James Aloysius McKinley. Welcome aboard, sir.

- Glad to meet you, chief. - Hospital men Nerney and Strauss.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

Well, you are witnessing the biochemical, histological section...

...of the cellular analysis department of the DLG-113 in action.

- You wanna look, sir? - Well...

It was plumb dumb luck picking that stuff up out here...

...when you consider the million square miles of nothing around here.

- It looks like garbage. - Very good analysis.

As a matter of fact, it is.

We're the greatest garbage analysis team in the history of naval warfare.

- Now, sir, your keys. - Oh, yeah.

The men's medical files and records are in that cabinet over there.

Officer's locked cabinet is here...

...and the keys to the narcotics and booze are in there.

- Booze? - Brandy and pure grain alcohol.

Doctor, this might interest you.

All right.

Can you identify that?

Well, let's see now.

Looks like seaweed.

Red cabbage. Staple food of the Russian navy.

Those little black specks that you see are coarsely ground black pepper.

Nerney, those slides... No, show him an untreated sample.

- What's this? - Potato peeling.

I see. Thank you.

Well, do you find all this stuff around here?

That's right. And in very good condition too.

That's what set the old man's hair on fire.

That's why he's charging this ship around like a fox in a henhouse.

That stuff could be brand-new. Me, I say no. It only looks that way.

You know, the Arctic.

- The ocean, the water's cold. - Well...

Ready on the grease test.

Here it comes, doctor.

Hydrogenated.

Hydrogenated?

The oil on the cabbage leaves, doctor. It's very significant.

Indicates very fancy cooking.

Oh, I see.

Bridge, urgent report for the captain.

McKinley, captain.

Finest Russian naval cuisine.

Peppered red cabbage sautéed in butter.

Yes, sir, submarine fare.

Aye, aye, sir, as soon as we can.

We're checking the cellular state of decomposition.

- Excuse me, sir. - Oh, sorry.

Potato peelings are best for that.

These sample slides here we made ourselves and by comparing...

...we can tell how long it is since the sub dumped that in the water.

I see.

No, no, Nerney, it's no good. Give me some older.

Now then, Nerney, what was your guess?

Twenty-four hours.

Eighteen hours tops. No more.

Eighteen hours. Twenty-four hours.

McKinley. Give me the captain again, please.

Captain? Positive identification on those Russian waste materials.

Been in the water for 36 hours.

Yeah, that's right, 36 hours.

Aye, aye, sir. I'll tell him.

Well, thank you, captain.

Well, biopsy like that would take 12 hours in any laboratory in the world.

Just 33 minutes.

Oh, Captain Finlander requests that you report to him at 1800 hours.

- Have you ever met the captain? - No, not yet.

Well, the old man can come on kind of hard, if you know what I mean.

Well, he's prone to be a bit hard-nosed with reserve officers.

Well, maybe because you're a doctor it'll make a difference...

...but I suggest you watch yourself.

Now secure general quarters. Set regular sea detail. Watch three.

Darken ship. The smoking lamp is out on all weather decks.

- Sir, this is Mr. Munceford. - Oh.

- How are you, captain? - I'm not the captain.

- I'm the exec, Commander Allison. - How are you?

Captain Finlander's busy with the doctor at the moment.

- You been out with the Navy before? - As a matter of fact, I have.

- A few reservist cruises. - Well, that's fine.

But I hope you'll bear in mind that this is not a reservist cruise.

We are an active part of our defences...

...and we run this ship virtually under wartime conditions.

Which reminds me, may I see your credentials?

- My what? - Your credentials.

Thank you.

have been checked...

...and log him aboard.

What would've happened if my credentials weren't in order?

Thrown me overboard?

- You wanted to see me, sir? - No, not me, the captain.

Excuse us, Mr. Munceford.

Well, I'm glad you found the analysis interesting, doctor.

Oh, yes, sir, very much so.

McKinley showed you how he runs my sickbay.

Think you might have anything to contribute?

- I wouldn't be at all surprised, sir. - Is that so?

I requested that no replacement doctor be assigned my ship.

They sent one anyway.

I'm sorry, sir. I didn't quite get that.

I said I didn't want a doctor, but they sent you.

Well, sir, if you'd like to arrange for my transfer out of here...

...or shall I handle it? I'll be down below until you make a decision.

Stand where you are, doc.

Sir, my request for sea duty did not specify this ship.

You didn't aim high, huh?

And you're out of uniform, doc. Blue caps went out two years ago.

- Change it. - Yes, sir.

- Captain. - Yes?

You sent for Ensign Ralston.

Yes, I did.

Mr. Ralston, I gave express orders for that copter to keep off...

-...while I was in GQ. - Yes, sir.

- You landed it. - Yes, sir.

Explain that.

I didn't know if the pilot had enough gas.

He had enough to buzz my ship repeatedly despite visual signals.

You disregarded my order.

- It was getting dark, sir. - I gave you an order, mister.

- Yes, sir. - You ignored it.

- Yes, sir. I can explain further. - I don't want an explanation.

- I think your action was correct. - Thank you, sir.

Who's that?

Security watch.

- Did you pass this civilian to CIC? - It's the correspondent, Munceford.

He wanted to find out the patterns we ran during general quarters.

- I gave no such permission. - Don't blame him. I'm responsible.

Commander, put this man on report pending next captain's mast.

Mr. Munceford, you come with me. You too, doc.

- Can't I square this for the kid? - I suggest you keep out of it.

- Captain, about that... - Commodore Wolfgang Schrepke...

...of the West German navy. Benjamin Munceford of the American press.

- How do you do? - And Lieutenant Commander...

- What was that name again? - Chester Potter.

Potter. My new medical officer.

I've heard a lot about you, but I never expected I'd meet you.

- Is that so? - Not aboard an American destroyer.

- Is that so surprising in these times? - I guess not...

...if one can make the switch mentally.

But I still connect you with Hitler's navy.

Your pardon. Admiral Doenitz's navy, sir.

The commodore was an ace U-boat commander, gentlemen.

He sank over 200,000 tons of Allied shipping.

Really?

But now, under NATO, he's on our side.

Sol requested him as technical adviser for this cruise.

- I'd like to put in a word for that kid-- - Mr. Munceford.

You will oblige me by not referring to the security breach...

-...on the part of my crew again. - Yes, but--

The Department of Defence wants you to have full cooperation...

...in the preparation of a story for your magazine.

All right, that I'll give.

But how and why I discipline my crew is none of your business.