Kramer vs. Kramer

I love you, Billy.

I love you too, Mommy.

Night-night.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

I'll see you in the morning light.

I love you.

They're going to make me an assistant art director. So Kenny says:

"You get yourself a Burberry coat.

If you're gonna be Madison Avenue, you have to look it."

Saturday afternoon, I go out, and it's cold.

I go to this place that specializes in Burberrys...

...and say, " I want a Burberry coat, 37 short."

They put it on, and I look beautiful in it.

I say, " I'll buy it."

And right then, I start to sweat.

I take my checkbook out, start to sign the check, and my hand shakes...

...because I'm so scared.

- Good night. - Where you going?

- I gotta get home. - Oh, Jesus, I gotta go.

Okay, so let me finish.

So I sign it, and my hand starts shaking...

Who is this? Danny, right? Taxi!

- Come on, I gotta tell you something. - I can't. I gotta get home.

Gotta talk to you about something important.

I'm putting you in charge of the Mid-Atlantic account.

By the end of the year, we'll have them up to 10 million.

If this campaign works out the way I know it will...

...they'll offer me a partnership.

That's terrific!

When that happens, I just want you to know I'm taking you along.

Wow! Wow! That's terrific.

Joanna.

I'm home.

I forgot my keys. I gotta call the office before they go.

Jo, you're gonna be real proud of me. I got good news.

- Ted. - One second. Let me just do this.

You know Jack Edwards in accounting? He committed suicide.

Yeah, hi. Ted Kramer.

I gotta get those photos from the retoucher by tomorrow morning.

- I'm leaving you. - Honey, please. I can't hear.

Okay, you too. Thanks a lot. See you tomorrow.

Did you guys eat?

I'm leaving you.

Here are my keys.

Here's my American Express, my Bloomingdale's card...

...my checkbook. I've taken $2000 out of our savings account.

That's what I had when we got married.

- Is this a joke? - Here's the cleaning, laundry ticket.

You can pick them both up on Saturday.

- You. You have to pick them up. - What's wrong?

I paid the rent, the Con Ed bill, and the phone bill, so...

You really pick your times to...

I'm sorry I was late, but I was busy making a living, all right?

Come on, okay? Can we stop now?

So that's everything.

Enough, enough. All right?

What are you doing?

Where are you going? Just tell me what I did that's so terrible.

- It's not you. - Then what?

It's me. It's my fault.

You married the wrong person.

- I can't hack it. - Let's just go inside.

I can't, I tried. I swear...

Joanna, please, just... I'm sorry.

- No, please don't make me go in there. - I just want to talk.

If you do, I swear, one day...

...l'll go right out the window. - Oh, please.

Come on, now. What about Billy?

I'm not taking him with me. I'm no good for him.

I'm terrible with him.

I have no patience.

He's better off without me.

Joanna, please.

And I don't love you anymore.

- Where are you going? - I don't know.

Hi, Margaret. This is Ted. Is my wife there?

Yeah. Joanna come in?

We had a little fight. I thought she might have stopped by.

If she comes in, tell her to come up or just give me a ring.

Don't worry. She didn't take her suitcase. She won't get very far.

I got work to do. If she comes in, tell her to call me.

It's about time.

Joanna, that's the most insensitive... Hi, Margaret.

- She packed a suitcase? - Look, it's nothing serious, really.

She tell you where she was going?

- You tell me. - How would I know? I wasn't here.

Clearly, you two had many talks about my shortcomings...

...which I haven't been privy to. And I'd love to talk...

...but I have a major presentation in the morning...

...and I gotta get my work done. So please allow me...

You don't realize we have a serious problem.

Wrong. Me. I got the problem. All you gotta do is...

...go out the door and go back to bed.

- The fact is... - For six months...

...l've been spitting blood to get this agency its biggest account.

And at five, we got it.

At eight, the vice president tells me I'll be the next creative director.

I come through this door to share with my wife...

...one of the five best days of my life, and she looks at me...

...and tells me she doesn't want to live with me!

Can't you understand what she's done to me?

She loused up one of the five best days of your life.

You're terrific. Boy, you're...

Thanks very much, really.

Sisterhood.

Thank you for coming to cheer me up, but...

I didn't come to cheer you up.

I'm concerned about Joanna.

Maybe you can be concerned in the privacy of your own apartment.

Joanna and I never had any problems until you and Charley split up.

Oh, I don't believe you.

Just tell me the truth, okay?

Did you set her up to this?

No, I didn't put her up to this.

- Give her a little pep talk? - No, I didn't.

Joanna and I talk a great deal.

And Joanna is a very unhappy woman.

And it took a lot of courage for her to walk out of here.

How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid?

Where's Mommy?

- What? - Where's Mommy?

What time is it?

The little hand's on the 7, the big hand's on the 9. Where's Mommy?

Oh, God. Okay, I'm gonna tell you. You want to know where Mommy is?

- She's supposed to take me to school. - She told me to do it.

Okay, I'll tell you where she went.

You know when you and your friends don't get along and fight?

And you want to go and be alone for a while?

Sometimes Mommy and Daddy don't get along...

...and one of them wants to go and be by themselves for a while.

- When is Mommy coming back? - Soon.

Now we are gonna have breakfast! Okay? Just you and me.

- What do you want? - French toast.

You want French toast, you got it.

Put up a little water for Daddy to have some coffee.

We got how many eggs? Two for you and two for me.

We got milk.

We got butter.

We got $5.

I got $5. Here, you sit here.

Okay, can you be my number one helper?

Watch this. One hand.

Here we go.

Did you know that all the best chefs are men?

Isn't this terrific? We gotta do this more often.

- You dropped some shell in it. - That's okay.

Makes it crunchier. You like it crunchy, don't you?

Why don't you beat them, and I'll get everything else going.

- What time is school? - 8:30.

Gotta get the show on the road. I gotta shower, shave and shampoo.

I got people to see.

And Daddy's gotta bring home the bacon...

...and he's gotta cook it.

We're having a good time! Where does Mommy keep the...?

- In the stove. - The pan. The stove.

First, we need a nice fire.

No, you're not doing it right.

Look, you gotta do it fast. See? It's the wrist.

So the gucky part dissolves.

Then you take the bread, and we...

We...

We fold the French toast. That's what we do.

- I think you forgot milk. - I didn't. Milk comes last.

When you're having a good time you forget things.

I just wanted to see if you're paying attention.

Fun, isn't it? When's the last time Mommy let you in the kitchen?

I don't like it in pieces.

It tastes the same whether it's in pieces or whole. Bread is bread.

Besides, French toast is always folded.

In the best restaurants, you see folded French toast.

You get more bites that way.

And while that's going, Daddy's gonna make coffee.

You having a good time?

I don't remember the last time I had such a good time.

Daddy's gonna make himself coffee.

- That's too much! - No, I like it strong.

Mommy always makes it too weak.

Can I have some orange juice?

Right. One OJ coming up for the kid.

Daddy, it's burning!

- What? - It's burning!

Damn it! Goddamn her!

Oh, shit.

Just take it easy. Everything is fine. We're terrific.

Just...

Just take it easy. Nothing is the matter.

- What? - Your hand's sweaty.

- When's Mommy coming back? - Soon. I told you.

- Is she gonna pick me up? - Probably. If she doesn't, I will.

- What if you forget? - I won't.

- What if you get run over? - Mommy will pick you up.

- Miss! What grade are you in? - First.

This is Billy Kramer. He's in first grade.

Take care of him. I gotta get a taxi, I'm late. Taxi!

Taxi!

- Congratulations about Mid-Atlantic. - Thanks.

- Congratulations. - Is the stuff back from the retoucher?

- Great news, Ted. - Thanks a lot.

Morning. 11:00, meeting with Airwick...