The Exes

Here you go. One wine, one cosmo.

And for you, Haskell, a screaming orgasm.

Don't be too loud.

I can't make any promises.

Really, Haskell? You're flirting with Nicki

over naughty drink orders?

Well, haven't you noticed the simmering

sexual tension building between us?

Uh, not even slightly.

Honey, you gotta tell her how you feel.

If you're nervous about doing it, just ask Phil.

I mean, that guy could pick up anyone.

Hey, I dated him.

I'm sorry. What you two had was beautiful.

Seriously, anyone.

No, no, no, no. Phil can't know.

If I tell him, he'll tell Stuart,

who will tell Nicki.

I want the moment I reveal

my true feelings to be a beautiful story

I can tell my grandchildren.

It all began when grandma gave me a screaming orgasm.

- Oh, my God. - What?

- Don't look. - Where?

- I said don't look! - Okay.

Over there.

The silver fox?

That's my old law school Professor, James Malcolm.

Oh, my God, I had such a crush on him.

That man could make tax law sound sexy.

"Primary residence cancelation of debt exclusion

will improve financial liquidity."

Was that good for you?

'Cause it made me a little queasy.

Anyway, why don't you go say hello?

Oh.

He wouldn't remember me.

I mean, I was just a shy, awkward,

uncannily brilliant student

who was the envy of all her peers.

- Just go. - Okay.

Hi. Professor Malcolm?

Sorry. Hi.

You probably won't remember me.

I'm Holly... Holly Franklin.

Of course I remember you.

You always challenged me, kept me on my toes,

questioned everything.

God, that was irritating.

- I'm... I'm sorry. - No, no, no, don't be.

It's what made you an outstanding student

and me a better Professor.

Really? Professor Malcolm, you have no idea

how much that means to me.

- Please, call me James. - Oh, okay.

Why don't you join me for a drink?

You wanna have a drink with me?

Well, unless you're with somebody.

A husband? Boyfriend?

- No, just my girlfriend. - Ooh.

No, no, no.

No "ooh."

She... she's not a girlfriend girlfriend.

She's just a friend... Ms. Franklin,

as I used to say in class:

You have made your point, now sit down.

Hey. Nicki, can we get two beers?

Yeah, one second. Look, Steve.

I know we were supposed to go out tonight,

but something kinda came up.

My grandma died.

Yes, very, very sad. Very sad.

Yes, okay, see ya!

Grammie died?

Yeah, she said you were a disappointment

and took her own life.

- What was that about? - Oh, just some guy.

We went out a few times.

We were supposed to have dinner tonight,

but I cancelled.

- Why'd you cancel? - No reason.

Let it go. Come on, Nicki, come on.

Come on, we're back in each other's lives, huh?

You can tell me anything. Okay.

I'm a little nervous he's gonna wanna go back

to his place and have sex.

I'm out.

What's the big deal? You're a single woman now.

What's wrong with having a little fun?

Well, what's wrong is I haven't been with a guy

who wasn't my husband in 20 years,

it's a little scary.

You know, do I still look good?

Am I doin' it right?

Do things still go where they used to?

Nah, they switched everything around.

No, I'm just playing. I'm just playing.

Look, Nicki, stop overthinking it, all right?

All you gotta do is find a guy and knock one out.

Oh.

Yes, great idea.

And maybe I could buy myself something pretty

with the money he leaves on the nightstand.

The Exes - S03E20 The Old Man and the Holly

- Morning. - Morning.

That was fun last night.

Ooh, it certainly was, Professor.

Oh, I learned a few things

you definitely didn't cover in class.

Time for your pills, Mr. Malcolm.

Holy crap.

It's okay. It's my nurse.

You have a live-in nurse?

No, I share her with everyone on the floor.

The floor?

Where the hell am I?

This is an assisted living facility.

An old-age home?

No, it's nothing like that.

I've had some medical issues,

and it makes life easier living here.

I mean, they've got everything.

It's like living in a hotel.

This doesn't bother you, does it?

No.

- Hi, hi. - Hey, Eden.

So how was your Tuesday with morrie?

It was great.

We laughed. We caught up.

We went back to his place.

His place? Does that mean...

Well, let's just say I earned a little extra credit.

Teacher has a new pet.

I finished top of my class... Stop.

Sounds like you two have a nice thing.

Yes.

Yes, we do.

We certainly do.

What's wrong?

It's just his living situation isn't ideal.

Ugh, Holly, you always find something to nitpick.

What is it this time? Place too small?

No view?

He lives in an assisted living facility.

An old-age home?

No. It's nothing like that.

It's more like a swanky hotel

with high toilets and a crash cart.

Okay.

Well, the important thing is you gave it a try.

You widened the net.

Now, it's time to tighten it up a notch.

Really? 'Cause I was thinkin'

maybe I might sorta see him again.

In the home?

It is assisted living for the active adult.

And let me tell you... He is very active.

And what we did last night was very adult.

Holly, come on. You gotta dump father time.

Listen. James is a great guy.

I mean... and he thinks I'm smart and beautiful.

He couldn't take his eyes off me.

That's because he was trying to remember who you are.

Oh, hey, Nicki. What's up?

Hey, Phil.

I've just been thinking about this whole sex thing...

- Mm. - And you're right.

I just gotta get it over with and knock one out.

There you go. Knock one out.

So when's good for you?

Wait, whoa. Um, uh...

You wanna do it with me?

Yeah, look, I know it sounds crazy,

but it's like you said.

I just need one night of meaningless sex.

And what could be more meaningless than with you?

Uh, I'm sorry, Nicki. I just can't do this.

Wow, wow. Okay, great.

My new sex life is off to a great start.

I can't even give it away.

No, Nicki, you're a hottie.

It's just that you're also Stuart's sister.

Look, don't worry. He'll never know.

I promise.

- I don't know. - Come on.

It's not like I'm asking you to help me move.

Be a pal. Do me!

- Okay. - Yeah?

- But you're gonna owe me. - Oh, okay.

All right.

So meet me at my place tomorrow night.

No flowers, no champagne.

Just show up and we'll get down to business.

I will be there,

but a little sweet talk wouldn't kill you.

Oh, Phil.

You didn't tell me we have company.

Why, hello, Nicki. Lovely to see you.

Lovely to see you too, Haskell.

Well, then we agree. It's lovely to see each other.