The Relic

Oh, my God! The Kothoga.

Captain! Captain!

Captain, my crates. Have you loaded my crates?

They can't go. They have to come off.

-Who the hell are you? -My name is John Whitney.

The crates, they're consigned to the Natural History Museum in Chicago.

-Just tell me if they're onboard. -Crates is all we have onboard, señor.

No, they have to come off. This is extremely important.

Nothing comes off after customs has been on, señor.

-That's more important. -Look. Look, I'll take care of you, all right?

If you'll just get the manifest. The Natural History Museum in Chicago.

-Please, compadre. -I don't have time for this.

I have to get my ship out of the harbor. I'm eight hours late,

and there's weather coming in.

Don't worry, señor. We'll take good care of your crates.

Morning, Lieutenant. Coast Guard found it early this morning.

Don't really know how long it's been there or how it got there.

-What are those? -The old coal tunnels.

There was a time when 30 coal barges a day would come into this slip.

I'm touched. Who the hell is onboard?

-Hollingsworth. -Wonderful.

Morning, Lieutenant. Just been to the front of the boat.

I got something to show you.

It's a ship, Hollingsworth, not a boat. And the pointy end is the bow.

Custody hearing went badly?

I don't wanna talk about it.

She got Jerry?

What part of "I don't want to talk about it" is unclear?

-Oh, shit. -His ex-wife got custody of his son?

-His dog. -His dog?

Yeah, he really loves that dog.

The ship's registered out of Brazil. Came down through the seaway.

Paperwork looks legit.

It's blood. Lab's checking it for type.

-Any bodies? -Nope. Not a one.

When the Coast Guard found it,

it was floundering in the middle of Lake Michigan.

So they towed it in, and nobody knows how long it had been like that.

-You checked the manifest? -We're doing it now.

-Bring in the dogs? -The drug unit's been over the whole thing.

I told them it was a waste of time. I mean, this was obviously a drug hit.

Whatever they came for, they found.

Now, I figure they came aboard at night, they killed everyone,

and they threw the bodies overboard.

You figured all that out by yourself?

-Holy shit! -What?

-What? -Cat. Nearly gave me a heart attack.

-Was it a black cat? -No.

What's that smell?

-Is the bilge below here? -I think so.

Give me that.

Give me a hand here.

What a stink!

Jesus Christ.

Let's all stay together.

Please walk! Walk! Walk, children. Walk!

Walk. Please, walk. Walk. Let's all stay together.

-I say we go. -Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.

We finally cut school and you wanna go to a museum.

Maybe afterwards we could go to a library.

They've got mummies in there, eyeballs in jars, dead stuff.

See, man, I don't know about this stuff.

Look, we can go in with them, check it out, split.

I mean, we can't go to an arcade yet anyway.

We'd be noticed.

-So, what are you, scared? -No, I'm not scared!

Hey, didn't your parents teach you not to stare?

Didn't yours teach you not to get dressed in the street?

-Good morning, Dr. Green. -Good morning.

-Doctor? -What kind of a doctor are you?

I'm an evolutionary biologist.

What's that?

Someone trying to figure out where our tails went.

Your teacher's gonna be looking for you.

Oh, yeah. Come on, Eugene.

Kids, do not run. Walk. Walk. Easy. Do not run, walk.

Walk, kids. Walk.

-Walk. -Good morning, Dr. Green.

-Good morning, Fred. -These kids are driving me crazy.

Careful. They're our future benefactors.

Margo, I need to speak with you about your grant.

-You've heard already? -I've heard something.

-I didn't get it. -No. It's not that bad.

It's just that the Blaisedale Foundation has decided to delay their decision.

-Delay? Why? -Greg Lee is applying for the same grant.

Greg?

-I thought he had his grant. -Well, he's going after another one.

Can he do that? Another one?

I mean, doesn't he realize that I have to shut down my work

-if I don't get that money? -I don't suppose he's thought about that.

-Slimy. -Margo, have a little faith in yourself.

-You're better than he is. -Faith?

Come on. It's not the end of the world. It's just a little competition.

You've got the gala coming up night after next,

and the Blaisedales are going to be here.

-You know? The Blaisedales. -Yes.

So put on your party dress, and I'll introduce you,

and you show them just how bright you are.

I just wanna do my work.

You know, Greg will be there,

attaching himself to the Blaisedales like a crustacean.

Donna, did you get the gecko and lizard samples loaded?

It's through the replicator. We got a big sample.

Great. Hey, Charlie. Did we get the database back online?

-It's online, but I don't know for how long. -Good.

-Hello, Greg. How nice to see you! -Margo.

-How's the old research going? -Fine. I'm just a little bit busy.

Could there be anything special that you'd like to tell me?

Of course not. 'Cause if there was, you would've just come out and told me.

I have every right to apply for any grant.

So you go behind my back and apply for my grant?

-There's nothing wrong with that. -It's not your grant until you get it.

If I don't get it, I'm out of work. My staff is out of work.

-You shouldn't take it so personally. -You really are a gerbil.

Margo. Well, this is a surprise.

-I was just... I thought... -I asked Margo to join us, Ann.

-I hope you don't mind. -Oh, no. Of course not.

No word from John yet, but these crates arrived this morning.

They were supposed to be on a ship except there was some mix-up in Brazil,

and they never made it. They were sent by air freight.

Here, here. Take a look at this.

-The Kothoga. -Could be.

And what does this god specialize in?

South American tribe, the Zenzera, long thought to be extinct.

They made a deal with Satan to vanquish their enemies.

So, Kothoga was born, son of Satan. You have that look again, Margo.

Why do we keep financing John Whitney's expeditions,

as if superstition were the same thing as science?

Anthropologists are permitted to believe in myth. It's part of their job.

In any case, our superstition exhibit is excellent box office for this museum,

and that benefits you, as well.

Using superstition to bring people to the museum

is like hiring topless ushers for the Bolshoi Ballet.

Well, if they did, I might go to the ballet.

Do you really think the restoration department can do something with this?

Certainly. Possibly even for the opening.

What was in this other crate?

Except for the packing leaves, it was empty.

Empty? Well, was there a packing list? There must've been something in here.

Crates were nailed shut when they arrived.

-Strange. -What?

Do you think these are eggs?

More like fungus. Probably parasitical. Best not to take any chances.

Quite right. Let's see to having those leaves and crates incinerated.

Of course you can, Margo.

Attention, please. The museum will be closing in 1 5 minutes. Thank you.

Hey, man, this stuff is so cool.

-I don't think we're supposed to be here. -Don't be such a wuss, Eugene.

Attention, please. The museum is now closed.

Attention, please. The museum is now closed.

We're gonna get in big trouble.

What do you think they're gonna do? Put us in the museum jail?

Johnson? Davis? That you?

Dr. Green, I've worked myself to the bone.

Please let me go home. I need to rest.

All right, you guys. You can finish tomorrow morning.

Go on. Take a hike.

Why don't we just start yelling? Someone will show us the way out of here.

And call our moms and let them know that we cut class.

Great idea, butt wipe.

Hey, man, there's a really cool staircase back here.

-No, let's just get out of here. -What are you, scared?

Hello? Is someone there?

Josh? Josh, where are you?

Josh.

Josh, come on. This isn't funny.

-You goofball. You almost wet your pants. -Josh.

Quiet. Do you hear something?

-What is it? -I don't know.

-Let's just go. -Yeah.

-You smell something? -You farted, didn't you?

No, not lately.

Let's get out of here.

That's terrific.

Hang on to your fucking hat, Lieutenant.

I want to interview every employee whether they worked yesterday or not.

If they did work, I want the hours, what part of the building,

if they saw the victim, what time and where.

Who was the last person to leave the building yesterday?

-A Dr. Green. -Good. I wanna talk to him.

-Did you hear? -No.

-I'm guessing you're gonna tell me. -Someone's been killed.

-Murder. -Oh, my God.

They're not telling us who. All I know is they cut off the whole basement level.

Murdered?

I'm betting it was Colonel Mustard with a candlestick.

What? What are you thinking? You think I'm an asshole, right? Is that it?

-Are you Dr. Green? -Yes, I am.

Could you come with me, please?

-It's okay, honey. -I understand...

-It's gonna be all right. -All right, that's good. All right.

Take them both to the 1 5th. I want detailed statements

in the presence of a psychologist.

Museum security wants to know if they can open the doors.

No. Check to see if they got anything on video.

I did that, sir. They don't have surveillance cameras down here.

-Can I help you? -Lieutenant D'Agosta wants to see me.

-He does? -This is Dr. Green.

Yeah. Dr. Green, I'm Lieutenant D'Agosta. I wanted to ask you some questions,

but I'm fresh on the scene here. Can I find you later?