Masters of Horror

Episode 5 "Chocolate"

Have you ever been in love?

I have been married for 17 years.

That isn't what I said.

Have you ever been in love? Really in love?

Sure!

Not like I have.

Oh, no. You're special.

I mean it.

No man ever loved a woman the way I loved her.

I could see that by all that blood splatter all over your shirt.

Oh fine. You can call it murder. Doesn't matter.

Just back up a little bit here.

I'm still not clear how this little thing started.

- How many times do I have to tell it? - Till it start to sound like the truth!

Just you and me, okay?

Start from the beginning.

I got up. I got dressed. I went to work.

Where do you work?

Cougar Culinary Labs in Chicago.

I create artificial flavors for the food industry.

Who put the magic rocks in the water cooler?

Jesus, Wally! Chilli and cheese "Fritos"?

You could be in a crowded stadium and know who farted.

Maybe you didn't know, but the "Frito"

is natures perfect food.

Particularly the chilli and cheese variety.

Particular. Low in carbs.

There is just no way to perfectly synthesize honeydew melon. It's impossible.

You've been combing that all week.

Came close to 98, but the test rats gave birth to two headed offspring.

Legal thought that was a considerable drawback.

Not much call the artificial honeydew melon, anyway?

- It's a challenge! - Yeah, challenge, "mellenge". Give them cantaloupe!

Who gonna eat that rabbit food?

I have to eat this rabbit food. If not I'll blow up like a weather balloon.

Not me, man.

I can eat till I puke. Never gain an ounce. High metabolism as I know.

Fuck you!

So mister newly single, be all that you can be.

How's your love life?

Well, me and my left hand are going steady now.

All newly fit and fabulous and no place to go, huh?

I just need a little time to...

you know, think about stuff.

Hey, my band is playing tonight. Why don't you come?

Who knows. You might meet some rock & roll nymphomaniac!

I don't think I'm ready for that.

Well, come on, man. We're bachelor, man. It will be great.

I don't think so. Not tonight.

Come on... Make it the last time I ever play.

Ah bullshit. You will sharpening guitar until the day you die.

Don't be so sure. I just turned 45 on Wednesday.

Really? Happy Birthday!

Ain't it heartbreaking?

What's more depressing than a 45 year old failed rock and roller?

Well, how about: Child support, alimony and an empty downtown apartment?

- Alright. You win! - Yeah.

I miss you, baby boy.

Chocolate!

I thought it was some kind of wish fulfillment dream

after all those weeks of rabbit food.

But the taste was still in my mouth when I woke up.

And I could smell it too.

It was really good stuff. Custom...

Bitter sweet with just a hint of jasmine tea.

Really special.

So how did you know it wasn't a dream?

It wasn't a dream.

I just kept tasting someone else's chocolate.

Gesundheit!

- You're wearing "Roswell" again? - No reason not to.

I just came by to check in on you and Booth.

Come on in.

- Are you okay? - I'm alright.

You look nice. You going out?

Gesundheit!

Is that a "hickey"?

- Daddy... - Hey...

- Are you moving back home now? - Daddy is just visiting.

You said that you were just testing.

I know, that was a long time ago. See now, the test parts over.

And lucky you. You've got two places to stay now.

Just like a rich movie star!

Do rich movie stars have a mummy in one house and a daddy in another one?

Most of them. Come on, honey. You better get ready for class.

- Class? - Dance class. Yuck!

Look, Jamie. I'm really glad you stopped by but we gonna go.

Sure. Yeah, I understand. Can't be late!

Listen, chuckles!

You wanna maybe get together, play some ball, making go do some hiking weekend?

- I want to say no dancing. - No... No dancing.

I'll see you Saturday, moose. Here's your key.

Listen.

If I'm not up, you come in and get me up, okay?

Love monster hug!

- Love you daddy. - I love you too.

- Sorry Nessie. - No sorrys.

- Bye, Daddy. - Bye.

Hey!

Jamie, you made it! Did you get the table up front?

Yeah.

- Hey, man. You want some Vitamin C? - No thanks. I'm on a diet.

Got to lose weight.

Hey Jamie, do that thing with the quarter. Watch this, everybody. He's great!

You boys, let's go!

Shit! Show time?

Okay, everybody.

Remember: We are the chosen ones!

The Gods of Rock and Roll!...

So, do that thing with the quarter?

Oh no... that's...

It's just a magic trick. It's... you know. It's silly.

Come on. I want to see it.

Alright.

You really kicked ass tonight.

We were pretty fucking awesome, weren't we?

The next thing you know is MTV, babes in bikinis...

Low boy leather pants with your bums hanging out.

- Anna says I got cute bones! - I never said you didn't.

What was with the fake mohawk?

Covers my hair transplant scalp... what else?

Oh, shit!

Wally?

What's the matter?

I can't see!

I can't see!

- What are you doing? - I can't see!

What are you doing! What the fuck are you talking about?

- Grab the fucking wheel! - What the fuck!

Wally?

Wally, are you okay?

It's fucking great!

Who is there?

Did I wake you?

I do not know how they can do it either?

What's that?

What I mean it is so easy to eat food that is good for you.

It even taste better.

But they raise their kids on chocotrees and *** tops so...

that's what they like!

Right, yeah... it's sausages and eggs and hash brown for breakfast.

Chilli dogs and cheeseburgers, batted fries for lunch...

and then deep fried chicken fingers and macaroni and cheese

for dinner with a big bowl of ice cream.

You know what else is just terrible?

Mile high chocolate cake.

Oh and double cheese pizza with pepperoni and sausage. Yuck!

And double chocolate chunk cookies, still warm,

so chocolate gets over your fingers. Just awful!

Yeah!

So... how long have you been dieting?

For God's sake, why?

Ninety six days. Hyperglycemia.

I'm a pain for too many years with double desserts.

How about you?

Forty-seven days.

Vanity. There I said it loud.

So you want to celebrate?

So how do you feel? How is your hyperglycemia?

I feel great.

You cured me.

No. I think you cured me.

Are you married?

The white slit on your ring finger.

No, I was. But the divorce was final a few months ago.

- I'm sorry. - No. It's okay.

Seven years of a monotonous relationship. At least I'm safe.

Really?

For what?

It's easy to be with you.

What? What is it?

You get a sharp pain?

I think I'll be okay in a minute.

See if this helps.

Guess that's what I get for pinging out.

Let's go to sleep.

It's so weird!

Can you wake up?

It's happening!

What's happening?

How can anybody look so good so early?

God! You're so fucking beautiful!

Jamie? What is it?

What's wrong?

Jamie, stop it!

Please. Just stop!

Stop it! Stop it! This isn't funny!

Jamie? You're scaring me. Stop it!

Jamie?

Jamie, someone at the front door.

Jamie?

Please, get up!

Jamie? Somebody's coming!

Rise and shine, Daddy!

Oh my God!

- Hey! Your family is here! - It's not funny! Stop it!

- What's the matter, daddy? - Jamie, stop it!

Leave my daddy alone.

- Leave him alone. I didn't do anything!