Baise-en-ville

Running water.

Upbeat music.

Your name?

Corentin Perrier. But I prefer to be called Sprite.

- Sprite? - Yeah, my friends call me Sprite.

I'm not your friend, Corentin.

I'm Marie-Charlotte,

- nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

She whistles.

You took your theory test in 2020.

It's about to expire, you rascal.

Yeah, actually I was wondering...

When is the date it stops being valid?

- In two months. - Oh, crap!

- Yeah. - But...

Is it possible to pass it in 2 months?

- Yes! I am the best coach in Seine-et-Marne.

- OK... And don't I have driving hours left?

What?

My parents bought me a bunch of hours

- and I didn't use them all. - Those expire too.

- You'll have to get a new package. - Oh...

- Though, you need to get your act together.

- Are you free tomorrow? - Yes.

- 10 AM? - Nothing later?

- No. Friday 10 AM, same for Saturday.

I work on Sundays. Sunday 9 AM?

- OK. - And Monday 10 AM.

- OK. - OK, we'll go with that, then.

That will be...

1,290 euros.

Uh...

I don't have any money on me.

- Are you high? - No, I swear!

I'll find a solution. I'll bring it to you as soon as possible.

Upbeat music.

- Hello. - Hello!

I'd like to see Walid.

Sprite!

- How's it going, buddy? - It's going, you?

- Georges, my intern. - Hi.

- He's my girlfriend's brother. - Oh, hi.

- Nice to meet you. - Did you change your mind?

Yes...

You're the best!

- Here. - Thanks, Georges.

I'd like a coffee too.

- Uh... Actually, Georges is my intern, he makes my coffee.

- Oh, right. - You are.

Georges' intern.

Technically, you're the one who should make his coffee.

- So, I'm the intern's intern? - Basically, yes.

- OK. But you could be my intern.

That makes a triangle of interns.

An equilateral triangle.

No.

- OK. So, yeah, I'm the intern's intern.

That's right.

But that's so cool.

Come on!

Do you have Mrs. Starmart's file?

Behind you.

Thanks.

Come on...

Machine running.

Yo, Walid.

- Let's avoid the "yo", Corentin. - Yes, excuse me.

- I wanted to talk about my pay. - What did you want to know?

- Well... How much am I getting paid, like...

I never said I could pay you.

No, seriously!

Seriously?

- One thing at a time. I'm not Santa Claus.

I'm going to tell you a story.

A starving man came down from his hut

to see the village fisherman and tell him: "I'm hungry."

"Can you give me some fish?"

The fisherman replies...

"I will teach you to fish so you have food."

- That's it. - Yes!

Can you lend me a grand?

- I have a loan with Chloé, we have renovations, we're having a kid...

Is she pregnant?

No, but it's a metaphor!

- Oh... - Have you tried temping?

I'm stuck in a paradox.

Yeah, really?

- To get a job, I need a license; to pay for my license, I need a job.

You see?

And didn't she leave you some money...

In an account or something, your grandmother?

Yeah, but I spent it all on Lola.

That's why I was wondering if you had a plan.

I know you kept contacts from your younger days...

What are you talking about?

I'll be frank.

Either you help me,

or I tell my sister that you're

- still smoking joints. - Seriously?

- Sorry to have to go there, but it's really important.

He sighs.

OK.

I might have something, but it might be a bit shady.

What do you mean?

It might be a "man's job."

I hope so!

- He knocks. - Aguerro!

A glass of water?

Yes, absolutely.

Do you have a water cooler?

I can give you great prices, you know!

- Do you want a water cooler? - No, that's kind, but...

We're here for a job.

Which field?

- Honestly, any field!

Just paid, you know...

But... Don't you want a water cooler?

- He laughs. - No, still no.

- They all laugh. - What a joke!

You want a water cooler.

- Oh, but yes, absolutely, of course. Yes, we want a water cooler.

He laughs.

- Let's go. You start tonight, 12:30 AM, at this address.

Oh, thanks! So cool, great!

Lognes, OK...

Great! And... what do I do?

That, I don't know.

OK...

- Well... thanks. - You're welcome.

As I always say...

If you screw me over, I'll screw you over!

- They laugh. - Yes.

Come on.

- Well, cool. Thanks, man. That's nice.

I'm coming with you.

I can take the bus by myself.

- I don't want you to get kidnapped, I'm coming with you.

Get kidnapped?

I told you, it's shady!

What do you mean, it's shady?

- Like prison. Like homicide, robbery, pimping...

- I have to do all that? - I have no idea.

- For all I know, they're going to kidnap you to sell your organs.

What kind of crazy plan is this?

You were okay with "man's jobs."

I wasn't thinking of that.

What were you thinking of?

- I don't know, just... Carrying heavy things.

That is super sexist.

Sorry.

Alright...

Come on, get in.

- There's something I don't get. - What?

- Suddenly, you're moving your ass, what's gotten into you?

- It's my mom, she lost it. She wants to kick me out of the house.

- Your parents don't have the right to kick you out. It's illegal.

- Seriously? - It's the duty of maintenance.

- But do they have the right to punish me and stuff?

- Punish you, yes. Well, it's not illegal.

Exactly. She punished me.

But how old are you, anyway?

- I'm 25. - Your mom can't punish you.

- You're going to be 40 soon. - Hey, that'll be in 15 years, chill!

- No, but what? Did she ban you from TV?

- She confiscated the bathtub drain stopper.

- The what? - The bathtub plug.

- You've been pressuring me all this time over a plug?

- Well yeah... But haven't you read Einstein's biography?

No, I haven't read Einstein's biography.

- If you had read it... you'd know he talks about that.

He talks about a bathtub plug?

- No, he says: "I have little ideas when I take showers,"

"and big ideas when I take baths."

- It's super important for the... - OK.

Anyway, all of that isn't very eco-friendly.

- Yes it is, because I take tiny baths.

I barely use any water.

I love feeling a little bit of water and lying in it.

I love the sensation!

Like James Bond.

You're James Bond, zero-zero-sex.

Mocking laughter.

Oh, the bastard!

Alarm

12:30 AM.

Excuse me...

Yeah?

Good evening, my name is Sprite.

This is Walid, my brother-in-law.

And we're here for the job.

Come in.

Hop...

First of all, hello. And nice to meet you.

- Likewise. - Likewise.

- Let's cut the crap. Here's the situation.

- Do you guys know anything about startups? - Totally!

- Yeah... - That's a lie. He's a bullshitter.

Hello? Nettoyo!

OK. Imagine. The guy is going to party.

He pays for his night, he invites his colleagues, his friends...