Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

E, E, E, E, E.

Then I would go to, like, a G. And these are all just power chords.

Hey, how you doing? You're tuned in to Style Boyz television.

I'm just sparking up.

Sparking up this French fry. K-F-F-F-R.

I am French Fry Guy. Hello.

No! French Fry Guy! I am French Fry Guy.

- Not again! - Cut!

Yeah!

Me likey that

When a genie grants wishes About girls blowing kisses

And your momma doing dishes

Me likey that

Okay. Where to start?

Ever since I was born, I was dope.

Honey.

Oh, my gosh, sweetie!

I loved music, and as soon as I could,

I started a band with my two best friends, Owen and Lawrence.

The Style Boyz.

Right away, people noticed us

because our lyrics were beautiful and insightful, poetic even.

You're a motherfucking, titty-sucking Two-balled bitch

With a popcorn pussy And a full-on dick

Style Boyz in the house And we give a fuck

So whip out your nuts And shut the fuck up...

The thing about the Style Boyz

is that their chemistry and their friendship was really authentic.

You know, you could tell that they were really friends with each other.

They were hot.

Before you knew it, we signed with a major label

and put out our first single, Karate Guy.

One, two, three, four.

I like to kick it, I'm a karate guy

Kiya, kiya

Kiya...

Karate Guy? Are you kidding me, man?

That song changed my life.

Now I'm in a cowboy hat

Yee-haw, yee-haw

Now I'm in a cowboy hat

Yee-haw, yee-haw

Now I'm in three cowboy hats

Yee-haw

Kid Contact. He handled the beats and the music.

Kid Brain, you know, he did all the lyrics.

And then, Conner, he was the charismatic one.

The one who brought it all together.

You tell me you didn't see him and say, "Yo, he's the star."

Things definitely started to get complicated.

I couldn't help it if the world chose me.

Take one.

You want me to look here?

Pretty funny, right?

Be original. Be fearless.

I love my White Butt Jeans.

As my star kept burning brighter, some stood by me.

Others couldn't take the heat.

We broke up the next day.

I went solo, and Owen became my DJ.

Lawrence quit the music biz altogether.

And our DJ, Francis, moved to Japan to hunt dolphins,

like a dickhead.

But it turned out all of that was just a blessing in disguise

because it turned me into Conner4Real.

I dropped my first album. And what can I say? It was a smash.

And I owed it all to my fans, who I share everything with.

Yo, brushing my teeth.

Yo, I just ate a taco.

It's Conner's Confessions, hoverboard edition.

Oh, fuck.

Dude.

Yo, just got my butt waxed.

That shit hurt.

He's painfully honest with his fans, probably too honest, really, like...

But they love him for it.

Yo, just jacked it.

Um... Feeling pretty mellow right now.

Doink de doink.

Doink de doink.

Doink de doink.

I think he's incredible. He really is the real deal.

My fans and me, we're in love.

My songs are love letters, and the arena is our bedroom.

The stage... The stage is where we fuck.

Watch out Watch out...

It's Conner!

Bar none, I am the most humblest

Number one at the top of the humble list

My apple crumble is by far The most crumblest

But I act like it tastes bad out of humbleness

The thing about me that's so impressive

Is how infrequently I mention all of my successes

I poo-poo it When girls say that I should model

My belly's full from all the pride I swallow

I've got it all And I'm getting more

Adam Levine's hologram!

But I never fall Beat them all

'Cause you know I'm so humble

So expensive.

I'm so humble I'm so humble

I'm not your normal definition of a rock star

I don't complain When my private jet is subpar

Your mom's old But I'll ask if she's your sister

People say I'm charming But I beg to differ

I feel more humble Than Dikembe Mutombo

After a stumble left him covered In a big pot of gumbo

I guess, in a way, being gracious Is my weakness

People say I'm so unpretentious For a genius

I've got it all And I'm getting more

But I never fall Beat them all

'Cause you know I'm so humble

I say that with no ego.

I'm so humble I'm so humble

Watch out Watch out

I'm So Humble, I instantly connected with that

because I'm probably the most humble person that I know.

Yeah, well, it's a pretty exciting time right now.

Conner's second album, his second solo album, CONNquest,

is dropping in two weeks.

And then we go on the world tour.

Harry, get in here, man.

I've been Conner's manager since back with the Style Boyz.

It used to be the four of us riding around in a van.

But, uh, with success, our family had to get a little bit bigger.

Sure, Conner surrounds himself with people who are agreeable.

- I wouldn't call them yes men. - Whoo!

- Money! - Oh!

It went in! It went in! You a murderer, son!

Well, Conner currently has 32 people on his personal payroll.

He has a personal assistant, a party coordinator, an ab trainer,

basketball coach, an eyebrow specialist,

sneaker jockey, two umbrella wranglers,

a weed roller, a weed holder, a turtle sitter for Maximus, scarf caddy...

...a guy who punches him in the nuts

so that he remembers where he came from... You're right.

...a perspective manipulator...

Oh! That's a guy who's, uh, slightly shorter than Conner

who he pays to stand near him at events to make him look taller.

You know, back in my high school days I was in a band.

You may have heard of them, called Tony! Toni! Tone! Tonee?

We broke up over creative differences.

Each Tony had an exclamation point after their name,

and I thought my name should have a question mark.

So it would be T ony! Toni! Tone! Tonee?

In hindsight, it was not my best decision,

but that led me to Conner. So who's laughing now?

Here you go, buddy. Ow, dude! You bit me, Max.

This is my best friend Maximus.

My mom gave him to me when I was nine years old,

like, right after my dad died.

I feel like he's, like, the closest thing I've ever had

to, like, a little brother or something.

If I had, like, a mute brother that was hella scaly.

As a hatchling, the doctors said

that he had been diagnosed with soggy bones syndrome

and that he was not gonna make it past, like, six months,

but that was 20 years ago.

You're my best friend. Don't tell Owen.

Come on up here. This is Owen's world right here.

This is where I keep all my gear.

This is one of the earliest synths I ever got. It's a DX7. This is a classic.

Oh, Conner's show? No, no. In Conner's show I just use this.

It's a iPod, 60 gigs, so, you know, I can fit the entire show

and, uh, plus, like, a bunch of dope audio books, you know.

It was year three at Hogwarts,

and Harry was worried it would never get any easier.

Harry P.

You know, a lot of people ask me that.

They say, like, "Is it weird for you

"to be playing the background now

"'cause, you know, you used to be in Style Boyz?"

And I always say, "No, man, not at all!"

Because I... I could never do what Conner does, you know?

Look, I'm a perfectionist.

My first album sold four million copies, so this one has to sell more.

And that's why I take this so seriously,

you know, and I live for this music.

And... It can't go away.

That's why I personally wrote every song on this record,

and I used over 100 producers for just 17 tracks,

to guarantee that they're all hits.

I made a lot of the beats on the first record,

but on this one Conner said he really wanted to branch out.

It's good for him to grow, you know.

And, also, I played him a bunch of my beats, and he was like, "No."

What's up, y'all? Got a hot new single coming.

It addresses some social issues

that I think are being ignored,

so keep your eyes peeled for that.

We're gonna be surprise-releasing it next Thursday at noon...

Uh... And that's it.

Discrimination

It ain't right

I'm not gay But if I was, I would want equal rights

I'm not gay But if I were, I would marry who I like

It's not fair I'm not gay

That the government has a say In who can love who, not gay

Or to which god you can pray I'm not gay

It gets me so angry On behalf of them, I feel passionate