A Serbian Film (Srpski film)

A SERBIAN FILM

Baby, I'm gonna fuck you up!

Are you insane?

Haven't we agreed about putting away your flicks?

What's that? Give it to mommy.

Sorry, but it's not a big deal.

I saw my first porn when I was his age.

How are you, kiddo?

But your dad wasn't starring in it!

Marija, I'm sorry I didn't mean it.

I dug up that DVD because...

Lejla called and wanted to see me today.

Baby, you want mommy to make you a toast?

The jumping bread!

Mom, what was dad doing there?

Nothing, hon. Just playing with a girlfriend.

It's like a cartoon for the grown-ups.

Honey, I have to pay for Petar's singing lessons.

- Bye, dad. - Bye, dad.

Easy on that whiskey. Rye kills sexual appetite.

That's why I drink it.

So...

- how's family life? - Nice.

How are Petar and... Marija?

Yes, Marija. They're fine.

Next year Petar's starting school.

It'll be interesting when they ask about

his father's occupation.

His father is a fine gentleman in a premature retirement.

The problem with that pension is that it's not lifelong.

How much do you have stashed? 5 or 10 grand?

Miloš, you were more than just a porn star

you were an artist.

All actresses you worked with wanted to marry you.

You're still an artist, but with a temporary block.

Believe me.

And I'm your guardian angel.

Listen, something big is about to happen.

Artistic pornography of the highest level. Here, in Serbia.

- In Serbia? - Only filmed here, but for the foreign market.

Terribly professional. Phenomenally paid.

If you accept, your family will be settled till the end of Petar's life.

The man's name is Vukmir. He'll call you in a few days.

Be nice to him.

Here's something for the junior.

Wow, where's his pussy?

You didn't tell me you brought your police brother to the meeting.

I came on my own. I knew you'd be here and couldn't miss

a chance to see you. I'm your great admirer.

You're well preserved.

Who's the plastic surgeon we have to thank for this?

You know I started early. I don't need plastic yet.

Everybody needs it.

These don't.

So long, fags. Miloš, you heard my advice.

- A hooker! - A porn star.

Has-been.

You know the kind of work she did after you married?

I know.

No one could handle a dick like she could.

A natural talent.

Funny she hasn't contacted her dealer

in the past few years.

Is she off drugs?

Doubtful.

A new, rich provider, more likely.

I'll check on her.

You'll alienate me from my friends

if you keep checking on them.

Friends, in Serbia?

You can't check them enough.

I gotta go.

Say hello to your kid and his beautiful mom.

I'm paying for the bite.

- So long. - Bye.

Sleeping time, hands up.

- Dad? - Yes?

Know that friend of yours

that you were beating in the video?

It's only a movie. Make believe. When dad was young.

I know, but while I was watching it

- I felt something strange. - What?

Like some kind of a wheel, spinning.

- A wheel? Where? - Down there, near my willie.

Several of them, like a family, travelling.

Do they live in me?

They do, hon, in all of us. We all have them.

- Everyone in the world? - Yes, everyone.

They're gone now, so close your eyes

think of them and you'll fall asleep faster.

What language is that?

I'm translating for some Swedes.

Swedish? I'm great in it.

That's right.

Wait, I know more. Listen to this.

You would be a mega star.

So, you say Lejla is offering you a serious job?

So she said. It's strange.

Why would anyone offer me big money

after such a long pause? In Serbia?

And after all the crap I shot, look at this.

Maybe they need the only porn star with a university diploma.

Do you miss it?

- What? - The job.

I don't know. No.

I miss the money so we could escape away from here.

Say...

all those poor girls you threw away like condoms...

How come you've never done me like them?

Well, I love you. I've just fucked them.

Does that mean that you never wanted to fuck me?

Am I talking to the Balkan sex god,

the Nikola Tesla of the world of pornography?

You must be Vukmir?

Of course. Miloš, if you're ready to change your life

right now and provide your family for good

a car will be waiting at your door in 30 minutes.

You just hop in, and take a ride towards fulfilment

of your personal and my professional fantasies.

Can't wait to meet you!

I'm honoured to shake hands with such an artist. I'm Vukmir.

I'm Miloš, nice to meet you.

The right hand...

is the sex centre in any man,

It's a direct line between your brain and cock.

Ever since your childhood.

Your hand is special

for it has jerked such a special cock.

Miloš...

it's an honour

to shake the hand of such an artist of fuck.

Pornography is art, but people can't see that.

Why not?

Because they just want to jizz into a napkin

what they can't into a woman.

These movies are mostly made so that

those who can't get laid can cum.

They're made by butchers

who can't tell a camera from a broom.

Their 'actors' would be fucking a hole

in the wall if there were no pussy.

Do you know what proves that there is art in pornography?

What?

You.

You, Miloš.

You are the proof!

Your sense of handling a woman, your rhythm of exhausting her,

your talent to humiliate her,

and then, when she is reduced to a dog-shit, to win her back.

And your love for it, that's art.

Sadly, this is no country for real art.

This lifeless place.

Where there is no life, there can't be real art.

A real talent will rot here, while maggots

are giving press conferences.

Have you done anything I could've seen?

I'm doing stuff that no one else does.

Just for the selected clients.

All right, but what is it?

Art, naked art!

Truth.

Real people, real situations, real sex...

minimal editing.

There's a serious script.

We know it...

You don't.

And what am I supposed to do?

The same as always, Miloš.

Just stand before the cameras, whip out your cock, and fuck until it's raw.

I don't know, I'm a little tired of cameras and fucking.

You're also tired of humping scum

any time your family needs money.

Kissing some wretched cunts

with the same lips you've kissed your kid with.

Thanks, doctor.

- What's that? - The contract.

No need to read it all, just the numbers.

Something wrong?

I don't know what I'm signing, what I'm shooting.

You're not supposed to know.

If you knew, you wouldn't be so good.

Vukmir!

Sounds like a name for one of your guys at the Hague tribunal.

Are you sure he's not an arms dealer?

No, he's some kind of an artist philosopher

with a grand plan.

So, is it grand?

I don't know.

But it seems like he desperately needs me, since he's willing to offer so much cash.

How much cash?

I won't tell you.

Yes you will, or I'm not giving it back.

Okay, I'll tell you, just let go.

Don't tell me you refused?

Of course I did.

I wanted to see if you're with me for the money.

If I were, I'd have dumped you for your brother long ago.

So, you prefer poor porn stars over bad cops.

Does that mean that I should rent my dick to Vukmir?

Remember what you told me