Star Trek: Lower Decks

What are you doing?

Sometimes I hum warp engine sounds

just to, you know, soothe myself.

Well, that is not what the engine sounds like.

Duh. That was Enterprise-D at warp 4.

This is Cerritos.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.

It's like...

Fletcher, no. The Cerritos has inverted plasma distributors,

so it's a little bit higher pitch, like...

Wrong. The shhz doesn't come from the distributors.

It's the vibrations in the dilithium dispersement manifold.

It's like this. Fzzzzz...

No, guys, guys, it's like this. Shhh...

Dude, I'm telling you, it's Fzzz...

And Voyager was all... jzzz...

Are we doing the engine sounds?

Hchhhh...

Security to Deck 11.

Something is very wrong down here.

On the ground, now!

- Ah! - We're just humming the... - I said freeze!

Oh, it is a little higher.

Security log, stardate 57663.9.

Our standoff with Drookmani scavengers continues.

Their claim of salvage on Starfleet cargo is ludicrous.

Thus far, my recommendation of full assault has been ignored

in favor of a more...

diplomatic approach.

As I've already said, Captain,

while we appreciate your discovery of this cargo,

we can only offer you a finder's reward.

This trash is ours. We claim salvage.

It has "Starfleet" stamped on it.

That's our trash.

It's been abandoned

for more than 100 years!

That means it's clear for salvage.

We're taking it!

Captain, they're attempting to load that cargo

- with their tractor beam. - Oh, no, they didn't.

Engage our tractor beam.

Those crates are brimming with unique Starfleet technology.

We can't let them have it.

If we fire on them, it's an act of war.

- I advise we fire on them. - Shaxs!

Shields up. Yellow alert.

Our goal is that this doesn't turn violent.

But if it does, our crew is ready and focused.

Fletcher! Fletcher! Fletcher...

That's like three cantaloupes worth of purée.

- He could beat the record! - He's doing it!

Come on, Fletcher, sloupe that 'loupe!

- Whoo-hoo! Ooh... - Aah! *bleep*

Do you know how hard it is to get cheese out of fur

in a sonic shower?!

Oh, no, I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean to.

Don't try to butter my bread, Ensign.

I've heard about you.

- But I didn't... What? - You're a disgrace.

You want to goof around? Go work on Starbase 80.

Damn. Starbase 80?

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize cats ate nachos.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

All right, all right, all right. Here, Doc.

- Here's a warm towel. - Give me that!

And some freshly replicated nachos.

Try the carnitas. It's delicioso.

At least someone around here appreciates rank.

- Mm... - Don't listen to her.

She's just a cat in a coat.

Thanks for defusing that, Fletch.

I was about to go nuts.

Fletcher's like a natural peace negotiator.

He was always getting us out of trouble

back in the Academy.

Ha. Remember when those Nausicans

tried to eat your heart?

Yeah, until you convinced them just to spit in my face.

I was lucky you were there.

Uh, Mariner, you were lucky he was here, too.

You know, it's not very Starfleet

to take a swing at the bridge crew.

Whatever. I'm Starfleet as hell.

And if somebody brings up Starbase 80,

they better be ready to throw down.

Hey, Mariner, don't let the senior officers

get in your head.

You wouldn't be here if you weren't great.

'Cause there's a baseline of goodness

to everyone in Starfleet.

Even Boimler.

So, um, what do you think's in that cargo

that has everyone so wound up?

A bunch of cryo-frozen princesses

or maybe some fruit?

Ooh, I hope it's old communicators.

You know, the original clamshell design.

Ah! Do you think we're going to find out?

Once they figure things out with those aliens,

they'll probably us space walk to get everything cataloged.

Uh, space walk? Really?

W-Why can't we just use the cargo transporter?

- That stuff's too massive. - Ah...

Wait, what's wrong? I thought you loved archival cataloging.

You talk about it all the time.

I have a horrible secret.

I never finished my space-walk unit at the Academy.

What? How did you graduate?

I don't know. He just gave me a "B,"

and I didn't say anything.

It must have been a clerical error.

I'm a monster. Why didn't I just confess?!

Spacewalking is easy.

You just float and magnet. Float and magnet.

But what if I forget to magnet?!

I'll spin out into the void of space

and burn up in the atmosphere of a gas giant.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.

That's not gonna happen.

Listen, I've been working on this new holodeck

training program.

I think it can help you.

- You want to try it out? - Oh, my gosh, yes.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Rutherford. Ah!

The holodeck. Gah, why didn't I think of that sooner?

Yeah, you know, it's not just for hanging with Sherlock Holmes

and Robin Hood and Sigmund Freud and Cyrano de Bergerac

and Einstein and da Vinci and Stephen Hawking

and Socrates...

Oh, five isolinear cores down and,

ugh, just a ton more to go.

You know, when you call something a "core,"

it implies there's going to be one big one,

not a million little ones.

Ugh, we're not gonna make it to the Chu Chu dance.

I traded Kowalski 12 shifts so I could go.

Chu Chu dance?

That sounds awesome. Is it really that good?

Oh, yeah. I saw the Zebulon Sisters do it

back on Deep Space 3, and I am just now

coming down from the high.

- Chu Chu! - Chu Chu.

- Oh, great. Everybody's going except us. - Guys.

I can handle this on my own.

Go get your Chu Chu on.

Oh, no, no, no, we would not make you do that.

You would do the same for me. I've got this.

Lower Deckers stick together.

Fletcher, that is super cool, man.

Hell yeah. Thanks, Fletcher.

Mariner, let's go get our Chu Chu shirts.

We have Chu Chu shirts?

Yeah, I made us Chu Chu shirts, come on.

Chu Chu!

Ah, back to work.

All right, don't you worry.

My program will have you spacewalking

with the best of 'em.

Computer, load Rutherford Training Beta 2.5.

Aah!

Hi. Can I teach you a lesson?

Aw. Well, who's this little guy?

This is Badgey.

He's a virtual tutor who can walk you through

any Starfleet exercise you can imagine.

Aw, look at his little arms.

Yeah, I made him cute.

Hi, Badgey, I'm Tendi.

Hi. Can I teach you a lesson?

Yes, um, can you show me how to perform

an untethered cargo retrieval in open space?

Sometimes it takes a second.

You got it.

Wow, you coded this yourself?

Yeah, it's just a hobby.

- But the gravitational waves were tricky. - Ah!

Oh, uh, uh...

So this is spacewalking?

I like it.

Just don't get your magnet boots too close to...

Oh!

Oh, we're stuck together.

I think we're stuck together.

Oh, sorry. Yeah. Let me just...

Looks like you want to recover lost cargo.

- Did I get that right? - Oh, yeah. Almost forgot.

Coming right up.

Wow, look at him... Look at him try.

Ugh, that shouldn't happen.

Badgey, restart cargo recovery.

Badgey, restart sequence!

Sorry, it usually works.

Badgey, stop it!

Uh, no, it's-it's nothing, really.

Come on, you stupid glitch.

We're back in business.

I can't believe I actually made eye contact

with one of the Zebulon Sisters.

Oh, God, I forgot how to breathe.