Side Hustle

That was the worst haunted house ever.

I stomp in protest!

The only scary thing was having

to pay $20 each.

I could have bought twenty things

from the ninety-nine cents store.

Every haunted house we've been to is the same.

Ooh, skeleton. Ooh, vampire.

Ooh, man with a chain saw.

That stuff isn't scary.

-I'll tell you what's really scary, waking up for school

and realizing you didn't charge your phone.

Stop it.

-Or how about getting a friend request from your parents?

Both: No!

See, that's the kind of real life stuff

that would scare people.

-Well, the only good thing about that haunted house,

they had candy on the way out. Presley, you want some?

Do you want me to eat garbage?

Because this is garbage.

Pretty sure it was candy.

There's only one kind of candy that matters...

-Chocolate? -This is not chocolate.

It's Choc-o-lat.

And it's made by monks who live in Switzerland

in a cave under a glacier.

Ooh, can I try some of your cave chocolate?

No, you may not. It is outrageously expensive.

This bar has to last me until I can afford another one,

which is why I take such small bites.

That bite was larger than normal,

but it's almost Halloween so.

-What if there was a way we could all afford Choc-o-lat?

-You have my attention. Which means you have hers.

It's true. We share the same attention.

We could make our own haunted house

with the stuff we were just talking about!

Yes! And then we can make money

and actually scare kids.

This sounds fun. Costumes! Decorations!

Spooky voices.

Ooh, I'm already getting into character!

-You know what we should put in our haunted house?

Your super creepy old bear.

You mean my super cute Huggy the Hugging bear?

Weren't those the giant stuffed animals

with the glowing eyes? -Yes!

And they also talk like this,

I want a hug.

Oh, I don't like that.

-Hug me, Munchy. -No!

Okay, you know what? I will bring Huggy,

but only because our haunted house is going to be

so scary that people will need hugs afterwards.

You know who needs a hug? Munchy.

Hug me, Munchy. -No!

-Hug me, Munchy! -

Are you insane?!

You can't just leave a bowl of candy

and expect kids to take one piece.

Why not?

All my years of working the crosswalk

have taught me one thing: kids can't be trusted.

You're going to lose a fortune.

This entire thing cost three dollars.

That includes the bowl.

You don't understand, Milk Man.

First, kids steal a extra piece of candy.

Then, they steal a car.

Next thing you know, they steal

the Declaration of Independence.

-I think you're overreacting. -If I was overreacting,

I would appoint myself as head

of trick-or-treat security...

which is exactly what I'm doing.

Great. In that case,

it sounds like you don't need me.

I'm watching you. One piece per person.

Or what?

As head of trick-or-treat security,

I'll be forced to take action.

-You don't scare me. -

I might not scare you now...

but I will.

-Ladies and gentlemen, kids of all ages, come one,

come all to Altoonisburg's scariest haunted house!

We're opening tonight at dusk...

the spookiest of all times!

You're so good at that.

Thank you.

So come on by, if you dare,

to our three-ring circus of terror!

We're gonna scare the pants off you.

And if we don't, we promise a money-back guarantee.

Are you sure you want to do that?

You're right.

We promise a money-back plus guarantee.

If our haunted house doesn't scare you,

we'll give you your money back plus five dollars.

See you tonight.

Presley! You just promised everyone

we'd give them five dollars if they aren't scared.

Relax. We made a great haunted house

with a great theme, spooky circus.

I'll prove it's scary. I got someone to test it,

and he's coming right now.

Whoa!

Tis I, Sir Lawn-celot!

Dad, are you ready to test the haunted house?

Sir Lawn-celot is always ready for a quest.

Your haunted house awaits.

Enter! If you dare...

I gotta get that squeaky door fixed.

Greetings, and welcome to our haunted house.

I will be your guide

through our kitchen of psychological terror.

We've disrupted the concept of fear.

I don't get it.

Oh, you will.

Behold!

A laptop at the edge of the counter

that could fall at any moment.

Hope no one bumps into it!

Huh. Here, let me fix it.

See, all good.

Oh.

What's that? You want to call for help?

Well, too bad because...

-No cell service? -That's right.

Someone could be texting you right now.

-It's okay--I'm trying to live more in the moment.

YOLO, am I right?

Well, then what about this?

You see that bowl of cereal?

The only available spoon is...

At the bottom of this sink of dirty dishes!

Tick-tock, the cereal is getting soggy.

Oh, I'm not hungry.

I drove my lawnmower through a drive-through.

They don't like it, but it's got four wheels,

so they gotta serve ya.

-You win this round, but now we descend into the basement...

of nightmares.

Welcome to a new level of terror, a circus gone wrong!

You have to help me!

Our circus animals are fighting back!

Look!

This bear is out of control!

Save yourself!

Aww, Lex, look,

it's Huggy the Hugging Bear from when you were little.

I want a hug.

Well, bring it in, my furry little friend.

You're not scared at all?

He wasn't scared in the kitchen

of psychological terror either.

I should've warned ya, I'm pretty hard to scare.

Ladybug!

Get it off! Get it off!

I want a hug.

Zip it, Huggy!

There are a ton of kids

coming to our haunted house tonight.

-Why did you tell everyone we'd give them five dollars

if we don't scare them?

Because I thought ten would be too much.

What are we gonna do?

Your dad was more scared of a ladybug

than our haunted house. -I know.

And now I'm stress eating my precious Choc-o-lat.

I'm out of control!

We just need to work together and figure it out.

Or we can just ask my brother.

Fisher, we need your help.

Sorry, we have plans.

We loaded what is scientifically

the scariest marathon of monster movies

of all time onto that flash drive.

We're going to watch until we pass out from fear

and/or exhaustion.

Fisher, we really need your help.

I'll drop everything.

But, sir, our plans.

-Some things are more important than scary movies...

like Lex.

Duly noted, sir.

What did you have in mind?

For starters, we need to make Huggy scary.

-Well, I already told you. He is way too cute to be scary.

You know his backstory. He comes from the planet Love.

And giving hugs is his superpower.

We don't have a choice.

Fisher, put some scare in that bear.

On it. I can make anything scary.

Horrigan, bring it to my lab.

I'd be happy to, sir.

I don't like you.

And saw a candy thief! -

Feels good to help people. Spider Jaget, up!