Tires

Things are going extremely well.

We've been busier than ever,

and most importantly,

our customers are happy.

- Got all of it? - Yeah.

- Nice work. - Thank you very much.

Yes, boom. We're hot.

Bang, bang, bang.

What?

- That was cool. - Are you kidding?

Our low-cost tire strategy

is the most effective marketing initiative to date.

We have been in the black every single week for the past six months…

…which means big bonuses for our guys.

- Bro. - Is this for real?

I'm gonna buy a gun. I'm gonna get a bunch of guns.

It's certainly made their life a lot easier.

And mine too.

- Gotta be honest, this sucks. - Yeah.

The coffee?

No, the game, but

coffee… The coffee too.

Our goal now is expansion.

We want to up our marketing game, expand our inventory.

We got a deal on those brake pads?

And give the shop a much-needed facelift.

And with this new loan, we can do all of that.

- You're too small. - We think…

No, we know

that the Valley Forge brand has a bright future ahead of us.

And with this money,

we will get there at the speed of light.

What do you think?

- I wasn't listening to a word you said. - Shane.

It was good.

A little enthusiasm, Kilah.

I like it. It's just…

What? Spit it out.

You hate it, I can tell, but you're wrong. But what?

- Why do we need a loan? Shit's good. - Shit is good, but shit could be great.

All right, look. Sometimes my boyfriend wants to do a threesome.

- Nice. - With his friend Jeff.

- What? - And I'm all for getting plugged up, but...

- Ew. - Kilah, get to the point.

Listen. I like it better when it's just my boyfriend.

Shane's right. Things are good here, Will. You don't need another guy.

That's actually a really good analogy.

Okay, Kilah, first of all,

your boyfriend sounds like a potential homosexual.

Second of all,

I would let the bank jam it in me if it made my orgasm more powerful.

- You sound like a potential homosexual. - Enough. From the top.

Things have been going extremely well!

This is bad.

This is Jon.

Dad, can you meet me at the bank a little early?

- I wanna practice my speech with you. - What speech?

- The speech for the loan. - You don't have to give a speech.

- We'll just present the financials. - Okay, well…

- Shit. Dang it! I gotta go. -

See you in a bit.

Okay. Get fired up, Dad.

Don't tell me to get fired up!

- Tell yourself to get fired up! - What the hell is taking so long?

I have a life!

Okay, Dad. I have to go. We're busy because of my idea.

We're about to get a loan because of my speech.

Good morning, sir.

Oh, is it? Well then, I'll have whatever drugs you're taking.

Now, this lady here said my car would be ready in less than an hour.

Well, it's already been 50 minutes,

and you haven't even begun to drain the oil.

Sir, I assure you...

- Where is the oil? - They're working on it.

If you're gonna make me wait, I should get something.

- For free. -

- Valley Forge Auto Center. This is Kilah. - Hey, Kilah. It's Dave.

- Dave's on one. - I'm not here.

That's for damn sure.

- He's not here. - Where is he?

He had to go to the

library.

- The library? - Okay. Um, tell him to call me back.

All right. Just an FYI, I am an accountant for the township.

You really don't wanna get on my bad side.

No, sir. We don't wanna get on anybody's bad side.

Look, I assure you, you are in safe hands with the team at Valley Forge Auto.

They're professionals.

I bought a gun.

Jesus, man.

I got it with my bonus money.

Is it loaded?

I didn't buy any bullets yet.

Or did I?

See that? That's trigger discipline.

You don't know about that 'cause you're a liberal.

I'm gonna take the shot. See that?

- You're an idiot with a gun. - That's John Wick shit.

- You have a permit? - Does this scare you?

Yeah. You having that? That scares me, yeah.

- Take your clothes off. - I'm not taking my clothes off.

Hey, Shane?

What up?

That guy up there works for the township, and he's being an asshole,

so can you just hurry his car up?

I'm going as fast as I can. I've been slammed all day.

All right. Well, I'm headed to my meeting at the bank.

So I'm leaving. You're in charge.

No, I'm good.

Shane.

I mean,

don't you eventually wanna move up to manager?

No, not really.

Honestly, I think you'd be very good at it.

You're great at talking to people.

It's better pay. It's better hours. Get your feet a little wet.

- Be manager for the day. - I think we should vote on that.

Cal, shut the fuck up. Managers are talking.

One more outburst, gonna put a bullet through your forehead.

Hey, there you go. That's good management.

Guys, I trust the place won't fall apart. See you soon.

It won't.

'Cause there's a new sheriff in town.

And I'm your boss, and I'll fucking for real kill you.

- Put it away. - Ooh!

- When I get bullets though? - Don't get bullets.

They're not even working on it. It's just sitting there.

Can you start working on my car already?

I'm hungry!

- What'd you get with your bonus? - Smartwatch.

You love the government keeping tabs on you.

I don't love the government. You can do crazy stuff on this.

- You can do crazy stuff? Like what? - Yeah, I can answer my emails.

You can check the weather. You can order an Uber so easy.

Funny you say that. Every car on earth's an Uber with this.

Yeah.

I hop in. I go, "We're going to the airport now."

- All right. - Also, the settings. No talk.

I can watch porn on this.

You ever try backhand with it? Keep it on the same?

I have not tried that.

A little Roger Federer. King of the backhand.

- Catch a fed. Slow stroke king. - Shane?

- Could you help this customer out front? - It's manager time.

Shane, it would be nice if you would support one idea that I had.

We should be like velociraptors.

And instead, you know, you're being like T. Rex,

I'm the velociraptor, and you're eating me at the end.

Oh, here we go. Turn it around on me. Everything is gay when you say it's gay.

"They're saving kids in Africa. That's gay. Break dancing, gay."

It's like, no, they're not. Shane, you know what? Shut up!

Shut up!

Okay, ma'am, thank you for taking this meeting with me at the bank.

I love the way that your office is decorated.

I looked at the Google reviews of all the banks, and this one, by far…

Move, dickhead!

I think this is something you're gonna be really excited

and wanna be a part of.

This is something really exciting, and I think you'll wanna be a part of.

Hey.

So we took a look at your car.

Uh, you got a cracked radiator hose in there,

and we're gonna wanna fix that today.

I don't really know what that means.

I don't really know what that means.

What's in your pocket?

It's a gun. You do really need to fix it. Might as well do it while we have it here.

How long's that gonna take? I have an appointment.

Well, you're gonna have to cancel that.

Well…

No, thanks. Just the oil.

- Just the oil? - Yeah.

All right.

Thank you, sir, for helping.

Shane, someone clogged the toilet.

- So? - Will normally fixes it.

Oh, fuck it. Fine.

- Jesus Christ. -

Oh, sorry, ma'am. Somebody will be right with you. I'll get somebody.

- - Um, excuse me!

Hey, Will.

I knew you weren't at the fuckin' library.

Lisa, can you please get back to the front counter?

You don't manage the employees, okay?

Lisa, sweetheart, will you do me a favor and go to the front counter?

- Sure thing. - Thank you.

- Don't kiss again! - Love your shirt.

Thank you, Lisa. It's tailored. Thank you.

- - Dave, my God! Highly inappropriate.

I hope you're happy.

I'm gonna be walking around all day with a loaded gun.

Ew! You're in my dad's office making out, with an erection?

In front of pictures of me?

I think it shows my mental fortitude to be able to get this hard

with your ugly-ass child face in here.

- It's revolting. - It's gonna start soon, Will.