Futurama

One, two, three, lift!

Wow, we failed faster than usual.

- Let's get drunk! - I'm in!

Sorry, Professor,

this gravity pump is just too heavy to lift.

Hang on, you weak dopes!

Now it's too light to lift!

So, why does an amusement park need a gravity pump?

It's not for the park.

It's for the physics department at the college next door.

Coney Island Community College? That's my Alma mater!

Man, I have such fond memories of failing outta here.

Hey, step right up!

You pays your tuition, you takes your chances!

Good afternoon, Dr. Carny.

We're delivering the gravity pump you ordered

for your relativity seminar.

Seminar? Yeah, yeah, that's what it's for.

Here's a little somethin' for your trouble.

Mm.

The campus has hardly changed.

There's the old library!

Shh!

It's kind of hard to tell where the amusement park ends

and the school begins.

Well, the college operates the midway to subsidize the endowment.

Endowment? Yeah, yeah, that's, uh, that's what it's for.

Ooh! I took this freshman year!

Hey!

Hey!

Try your luck, folks!

Get the ball in a bowl,

take home a sick fish in a bag of cloudy water!

Those poor fish!

I'm gonna win one and bring it home,

so it can die more quickly.

Hey!

Ironically, the hot dog, or frankfurter,

was invented in the city of Hamburg,

whereas the hamburger was invented in Frankfurt.

The birthplace of the Vienna sausage remains a mystery.

Whoa, the history of the wienermobile!

Fun fact, the wienermobile actually predates the wiener!

In 1876 came the wienercycle,

and 50 years later,

Henry Ford's Model W,

the world's first mass-produced wienermobile.

Wartime led to the development of the amphibious assault wiener.

Then, with the rise of the suburbs,

the four-door wiener-wagon.

And of course, let's not forget,

the fully electric cyber-wiener.

"Hotdog Eating Hall of Fame"?

That was considered a sport?

Oh, it was huge!

Competitive eaters were every bit as respected

as beer pong players.

That's me there.

I lettered in hot dog.

You were an athlete? Wow!

I can't believe I never noticed your broad, hot dog-lifting shoulders.

It was the one thing in my whole life I was really good at.

I could have gone all the way.

To what?

Hey, here's another photo of you!

Well, half of you.

Who's that other guy I already don't like

based on his wraparound sunglasses?

Brocky J, the villain of this flashback.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome to the stage,

six-time reigning champion,

the Great Neck from Great Neck,

Brocky J!

He was the pinnacle of athleticism.

Yo! Strong Island in the house!

Two packs a day, baby!

Thanks for coming and supporting me, Mom.

What? No, I'm here for Brocky J.

We love you, Brocky!

Three

two...

I may not have had Brocky's God-given physique,

but I had a stretchy stomach

and my patented no-chew technique.

I swallowed the hot dogs whole,

then mixed the buns with water to make a refreshing shake.

Ah.

Yo, we almost done?

I gotta get to another hot dog eating contest.

I'm also in a pie-eating contest.

What's this?!

An unheralded newcomer

has pulled within a single pack of the champ.

Boo!

Can he do it?

No, he cannot!

For the seventh year in a row,

Brocky J takes the Beef Belt!

Congrats, buddy, you came in second place.

AKA you lost!

Also, your mom gave me her number.

Yeah-ya!

What a jerk!

I was in training to beat him the next year,

but that's when I got frozen.

FYI, that's how I ended up here in the future.

So, now you tell us!

I never got my rematch.

And you never will. Brocky's dead!

Oh, wait, it was 1,000 years ago.

Poor fella died from eatin' an undercooked hot dog.

Aww. Beautiful display, though!

Sometimes I miss having a skill.

There's a hot dog stand right here.

I bet you still got the moves.

Yeah? Maybe I do!

One hot dog, please.

Enjoy.

Help!

Help!

Stand back! I know the Heimlich maneuver!

L'Heimlich!

I don't understand.

Hotdogs used to just slide down my gullet,

like a flume ride.

Well, naturally!

The hot dogs you ate in 1999 were made from beef.

But ever since cows went extinct,

they've been made from plants and plant by-products.

They managed to recreate the flavor perfectly,

but they never got the coefficient of friction quite right.

Then my dreams of being a hot dog-eating champion are dead.

I'm hanging up my barf bag.

Do they even hold the hot dog eatin' contest anymore?

Nah, they canceled the whole kajigger.

Once they switched to veggie,

the winner could only eat maybe six or seven dogs.

No one wants to see that.

Quit wasting my time!

Stupid veggie dogs!

Wrecked my one chance to be good at something.

You're pretty good at whining.

Ooh, now, hold on.

Perhaps science holds a solution.

Science? I've heard of that.

The cow may be extinct,

but its DNA might still exist.

For example

if a mosquito bit a cow

and was subsequently preserved in amber,

we might be able to extract DNA

from the blood cells it drank!

Scientists discovered the technique in 1993

by watching Jurassic Park.

If there's even the slightest chance to bring back slippery beef,

we've gotta move mountains!

Hmm. We'd need to search someplace

that had tons of cattle and tons of mosquitoes.

Yee-haw!

I reckon we're off to Texas

to rustle up some amber, baby.

I'm afraid you've mis-reckoned, Bender.

Our best bet is Brazil.

Okay, okay, hang on.

- This is a cattle ranch? - It was.

But after cows went extinct, it was abandoned,

and thousands of acres of pristine rainforest

grew in its place.

What a tragedy.

Amber is actually fossilized tree resin.

So, occasionally,

mosquitoes and other pests become trapped in it.

Friends, help! I'm being preserved!

Quiet, Zoidberg.

- I found some amber. - Me too!

And what's that in the water?

Ow!

Moo-reka!

We got one chunk of amber with a mosquito that bit a cow!

The rest of this precious garbage can go.

Now, we just need to extract some putrefied blood

from the mosquito's withered bowels.

Ew!

Oh, don't worry, it's far too tiny to be disgusting.

Gotcha!

Each cloning chamber should produce a full-grown cow

in precisely three to five business days!

And... we're back.

Release the cows!

Here they come!

Where's the beef?

Dammit!

I must have cloned mosquito cells instead of cow cells.

Jeff Goldblum made it look so easy in the movie.

Oh, no, I'm afraid I have malaria!

And I'm afraid I gave it to the mosquito that bit me.

I'll try lightin' up some Jamaican citronella.

- Does it work? - No.

But if you get bitten, you don't care as much.