Impastor

Previously on "Impastor"...

Who the hell is that guy?

Damien Westbrook.

I'm undercover FBI.

I'm leaving you because I can't stand you.

What the hell kind of pastor are you?

A man dies and you just toss his body in the water?

What the hell?

So you are Tina.

Kings and queens may be mighty,

but there is a higher power...

The Ace!

Next week, we'll go over when to double down.

It had been a few days since someone shot Damien

and still no fallout.

So I was beginning to relax.

Buddy?

Buddy, why didn't you go to the hospital yesterday

for your monthly patient visit?

Oh, I canceled that.

I was feeling a little cold-y and didn't want

the sickies to get me any sicker.

Okay, see, I am your assistant,

so all scheduling really needs to go through me.

Are there any surprises in here that I should be aware of?

Just take a quick...

that's weird.

All you have in here is "BJ" every couple of days.

Who's BJ?

Uh, it's not really a person. It's a thing.

It stands for Be Jesus.

Just a reminder to myself to be more like our Lord.

See? That's why we need to communicate.

What if I had scheduled something

and cut into your BJ time?

That would truly be terrible.

Well.

Oh!

_

- I gotta go. - Where?

Dora, 90% of what a pastor does is confidential.

No, it's not. Like what?

I can't tell you.

I wasn't even supposed to tell you that.

Who is it?

It's Alden Schmidt.

Dora, I have something...

oh.

Nice to see you too, Alden.

Yeah. Well, you may as well hear it too.

It's likely to become the talk of the town.

Hilva and I are splitting up.

Oh, Alden, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Why? It has no bearing on your life.

Please forward all of my church-related mail

to this address.

I have taken an apartment.

Do you need some help getting settled?

'Cause I could come over...

Russell, let me be clear:

I do not need, want, or desire any assistance from you.

Good day.

I'm gonna help him anyway.

Why would you do that to yourself?

I mean, I think he made his feelings pretty clear.

You heard his voice. I heard his eyes.

The man is crying for help.

He just doesn't know how to ask for it.

Good luck with that.

I got your text. What's up?

We've got trouble. Kenny's ex-cellmate's in Ladner.

He knows about the bank robbery. He knows I'm Tina.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Does he know about Kenny?

Yeah, and he doesn't buy the suicide.

He says Kenny would never off himself.

Shit. We do not need that case opened up again.

I know. Believe me.

I don't want to have to tell anyone you killed him.

Why would that be something you have to do?

And I told you, he shot himself during a struggle.

Right, right, of course.

What's this guy want?

20 grand.

He says that's Kenny's cut of the robbery.

He thinks I took it.

And I would hate to have to tell anyone you did.

I didn't. I already told you that.

Right, right, of course.

What are we gonna do? All right, all I have is $5,000.

Let me talk to him.

Maybe I can get him to go for the five.

Buddy, this guy Ray is dangerous, so if things go bad...

I know, I know. Weigh him down.

Man, you let one dead body float to the top,

they never let you forget it.

- Is this you? - Mm-hmm.

Nice car.

- You new in town? - I'm here for a few days.

Lucky us. Pastor Buddy Barlow.

I'm Jasmine Evans. I run a charity organization.

Oh, what kind of charity?

All kinds. Whoever needs help.

I'm an equal opportunity giver.

- And I'm an equal opportunity taker. - Ah.

So maybe I should take your number.

Mm. For a man of God, you sure move fast.

Well, as the Bible says, "You snooze, you lose."

I'll see you around.

- All right. - All right.

Ooh, you caught me.

Hi! I brought you a housewarming present.

How did you bypass security?

What, did you scale that trellis?

You're welcome.

It's a quiche. I made it myself.

Wow. This is sparse.

Thank you.

But it has potential. You know what you need?

A nice media center right there.

I'll take that under advisement.

Great. So, are you doing okay?

I mean, 40 years of marriage.

If you need someone to talk to...

Thank you for your gay omelet.

Now please be on your way. I have a lot to unpack.

Emotionally or physically? Because I can help with both.

Good-bye, Russell.

Kenny's cellmate agreed to meet me at the park,

but first I needed to pastor up.

What the hell are you doing here?

Are these for Damien's grave? Are you nuts?

Oh, Rudy, did you bring me flowers?

Hope you like 'em.

Thank you. Aww.

Uh, what's going on here?

You remember Detective Lovello.

We're dating.

I'm gonna go put these in some water.

Get in here.

You were supposed to go back to Portland.

I was going to, but then I met Dora and...

Well, find someone else to...

'Cause if you hang around Ladner,

you could screw up my entire operation.

I don't think you have the right to tell me

who I can or cannot date.

What are you two guys talking about in here?

Well, Rudy here was asking me how long

chlamydia takes to clear up.

Yeah, it's for a poor woman in a case that I have.

And the pastor has a lot of experience with STDs.

Well, it does my heart good

to see you two bonding so quickly.

Yeah.

Hey there.

Are you Ray?

You Tina's friend?

- And her pastor. My name is Pastor... - Yeah, I don't give a shit.

She said you got a proposal. Let's hear it.

Okay, here it is.

Instead of giving you 20 grand,

we give you five grand in cash,

plus something much more valuable than money.

Yeah, what you got? You got gold, diamonds?

You got the A?

Even better.

If you take this deal,

I will personally talk to the Man Upstairs

about securing you a place in his heavenly Kingdom

forever and ever, amen.

You're kidding me, right?

Eternal salvation, my friend. You can't put a price on that.

You tell Tina I want my 20 Gs by tomorrow

or this gets ugly.

You really gotta litter like that?

Yeah, you know, you're right.

Somebody should clean that up.

I am definitely telling God about this!

I needed another 15 grand and had no idea how to get it.

Times like these,

I wish I believed in divine intervention.

_

Buddy's Prayer racing at Judson Downs in 45 minutes.

Hey, Buddy.

Dora, we've been over this.

What's the point of knocking if you're just gonna barge in?

I could have been...

Jacking off.

- Praying. - Sorry.

Rudy wants to have dinner here tonight,

and I just wanted to make sure you were good with that.

Wait, wait, Rudy wants to?

Yeah, he loves this house. He says it's so cozy.

Anyway, I may want to go out,

but I just wanted to check with you.

Yeah, sure.

Just don't get cozy in my bedroom.

Um, Buddy, we've only been out twice.

We're seven dates away from second base.

Howdy-ho, Alden!