Airplane II: The Sequel

Watch your step.

All Pulsar 4 mining personnel...

report to the Resource Expedition office, Level 7.

Not on a four-hour layover.

Operator. Can I help you?

Phone home. Phone home.

Please deposit $6 million for the first 3 minutes.

All lunar passengers...

please check with Passenger Processing, Level 3.

- That's us. - Mm-hm.

Will Scraps be able to sit with us, Dad?

We'll have to check, Jimmy. It's a pretty long trip to the moon.

- Hi, there. Can I help you folks? - Thanks.

Oh. Is that your puppy, son?

Yeah. His name's Scraps and he's going to the moon with us.

Oh, no. No dogs are allowed on the shuttle, son.

I'm afraid Scraps will have to be shot.

Scraps!

He shot him! He shot Scraps!

Just joking! Blanks. See? Scraps is fine.

I says, "Whenever you're in town, just call me."

Dinner in first class tonight will be bean sprouts and broccoli.

- Fine. - Will that be chanting or non-chanting?

Chanting, please.

Don't worry about the Viatex account. We have a buy-or-sell option. We can't get hurt.

- Just keep on top of their legal people, Bob. - Will do.

- And, Bob, feed the cats. - Will do.

I'm sorry, ma'am, you're only allowed one carry-on.

Oh. All right.

Bye-bye. Thank you.

For the best computer officer on the lunar mission.

Simon, you shouldn't have! I guess I'm a pretty lucky woman, aren't I?

Women and the space program have come a long way...

but after the wedding, no more complicated computers for my girl.

But, darling, they've offered me a chance to head up the Computer Analysis division.

You're gonna head up the division in charge of babies for Mr. and Mrs. Simon Kurtz.

That's an order, lieutenant. Come on.

Where's the passenger processing lounge for the lunar shuttle?

- Concourse lounge C, fourth level. - Thanks.

- Next. - How long is my parking permit good for?

- Two hours. - Thank you.

Yes, next?

- What's the fastest animal on earth? - The cheetah. Next?

- Should I fake my orgasms? - Yes.

- Thank you. - Next.

This is Mission Control.

We have clearance on two-niner for shuttle pre-launch checks.

Trans Delta 6, you are clear to descend to 15,000 and hold until further notice.

There's a high-pressure front moving in over Denver.

A low of 56 in the valley, a high of 72 at the beaches.

The Supremes hit the top of the charts with this one in the '60s, "Baby Love".

I have a collect call for a Michael Reese from his mother. Do you accept charges?

This is only part of our mission control.

Right here we have re-entry for all Earth-orbit ships.

That's handled by the computers and simulated by these video units.

Now, if you'll step this way...

Phoenix 6, you're programmed on R two-niner and computer locked.

Computer lock acknowledged. Over and out.

Well, gentlemen, looks like it's out of our hands now.

- Janet, they need you in control. - Right.

Ah, shit.

Commissioner, we both know that shuttle needs another month of pre-launch testing.

Forget it, Bud.

- But Commissioner... - I said, forget about it.

Mayflower is the first lunar shuttle to fly from a commercial terminal...

and the boys on the board want that flight to go on schedule.

What do the boys on the board know about safety?

Get wise to the political realities.

The boys on the board are under heavy pressure from the boys downtown.

Pressure from the boys downtown. A lot.

And I'll be the one they crucify if that shuttle screws up.

- Not so fast. Frisk her! - Okay.

These navigational charts seem okay. I don't think there'll be any problem.

- Hey, why the long face? - I'm still worried about the shuttle.

You saw Ted's report, and he is the program's top test pilot.

Was the program's top test pilot until his mental breakdown.

Sweetheart, the opinion of a madman doesn't impress me or anyone else in the program.

The trial proved that. Ted Striker's part of your past.

- Marcia? - Joan.

It's for your own good. It's for your own good.

- Please, may I have this bedpan? - Mm-hm.

I have to give it to somebody else. I'll bring it right back.

Mm-mm.

- Please, Mr. Goldberg! - Mm!

So the company's doing pretty well.

The figures for the last quarter show a 40 percent increase over the last year.

Visiting hours are over.

Doctor, do you think my brother will be able to come home to the farm soon?

It's hard to say. It's a difficult case. He still thinks he's an accountant.

Thank you.

You must believe me. Invest in money markets!

And how are we this evening, Ted?

All right, I guess.

You can take off now. We'll finish up tomorrow.

- I thought you might like a paper. - Thanks.

- My God! - What's wrong?

They're launching the XR-2300! Know what that is, doctor?

The muffler bracket for a '79 Pinto?

No. That's the XR-2200. The 2300 is the lunar shuttle.

It's got to be stopped! Don't you understand?

They put me in here to keep me out of the way.

You must understand the first step on the road to mental hygiene is admitting you're sick.

You're sick, you're sick, you're sick, you're sick, you're sick.

Now, listen, Ted. Our only concern is your condition.

Your alpha scan reading seems to be leveling off.

- Is that a good sign? - Heh, it does the job.

I can't stand it! I refuse to pay $2,000 a day...

for a hospital bed, rotten food, horrible nurses, rotten doctors!

- What's his problem? - The man's obviously crazy.

And by the way, I spoke to Elaine this morning.

Elaine? Was she here?

No. She called me and asked me to tell you that she's marrying Simon.

Why don't you tell me the whole story from the beginning.

After all, that's why I'm here.

There's really nothing to tell.

My story is no different than anyone else's story.

I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times.

Anyway, it all started during the war. I lost most of my squadron over Macho Grande.

Planes too.

You're too low. Too low.

After the war, I couldn't go near anything with a pair of wings.

That is until fate dropped me in the seat of a 767 into Chicago with no crew.

It's funny how fate can make heroes out of cowards.

After that came the job offers, then the publicity...

then the crash and the trial.

Order! Order!

Now this.

Well, there's more, but I'm sure you'd all be bored by it.

Oh, no, no, no. Continue.

This is Mission Control.

In T-minus one hour, 43 minutes, ground crew report to stations.

This is Mayflower 1 , get me the sarge!

Hey, Sarge! Hold up!

Here it is.

Give me that radio.

Kruger, this is the sarge.

There's no way this wire could have passed inspection without Simon Kurtz's okay.

Now, what the hell's going on?

Patch up the damage. Get that ship ready to fly.

- That's an order, mister! - You got it, mister.

But you can tell your boys on the board for me that this thing stinks of kickback.

- You heard it, boys. Now, what do you say? - Screw him!

Ted Striker was right when he test-piloted that sucker.

And what did he get for telling the truth? A one-way ticket to the funny farm!

We don't have much time. Let's move.

The Love Boat

Soon we'll be making another run

The Love Boat

Thank you.

- May I help you? - Yes. I'd like this, uh, Time and Newsweek.

And a Lifesaver and, um, the second time bomb on the right, please.

Certainly.

- There you are. - Thank you.

- Will there be anything else, sir? - No.

Hi, Grandma Rudy!

Good to see you!

- Just a few more hours till lift-off. - I'm very excited, Simon.

- Guess this is a first for you. - No. I've been excited before.

- Elaine! - Ted, what are you doing out of the hospital?

- There's no time. Are you on that shuttle? - Both of us, Striker.

And when we return, we're getting married.

- Elaine, it has to be stopped. - But, Ted, the invitations have gone out.

No, I mean, the flight has to be stopped.

Come on, sweetheart.

Elaine.

Simon, give me a moment with Ted alone.

All right. You've got exactly 10 minutes till we board.

And, Striker, I'd watch my step if I were you.

Ted, this whole thing's all in your mind.

- You should've never left the hospital. - Elaine, whatever happened to us?

Ted, I guess I'll always love you, but I need Simon.

He's stable and a good provider, and I need that at this stage of the game.

He doesn't run away from every challenge.

He doesn't let every little setback eat him up inside.

Now, goodbye, Ted.

Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet your captain. Captain Oveur.

Gentlemen, welcome aboard.

Your navigator, Mr. Unger and your first officer, Mr. Dunn.

- Unger. - Oveur.

- Oveur. - Dunn.

Gentlemen, let's get to work.

Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the Air Force?

Uh, not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur, and I was under Dunn.

Yep.

So, Dunn, you were under Oveur and over Unger.

Yep.

Uh, that's right. Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.

See? Both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.

Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.

Do you have any tickets for the lunar shuttle?

There haven't been any available seats for weeks now, sir.

What you want? I got pairs, I got singles!

Check them out, y'all, $400 lunar shuttle tickets.

Check them out. Lunar shuttle. Smoking... What you want?

- What have you got? - Lunar shuttle tickets, $400.

I got smoking, non-smoking, first class, coach, economy...

by the aisle, by the window.

Take it easy, my man. Lunar shuttle tickets!

- Hi. Thank you. - Hi.

- Hello. - Hi.