My Name Is Earl

Season 3 - Episode 12 Early Release

I can't believe you're getting out today.

You could earn some time off too, if you did good things for the warden.

I'm in here for 20 years.

That would mean I'd have to spend ten straight years doing good things.

Who's got that kind of time?

Hey, Earl, Frank and I, Paco, made this for you.

So you don't forget your time in here.

Thanks, guys.

Don't tell me you're here to pick up Earl, too.

You don't even have a car.

What's he going to do, ride bitch on your donkey?

If he wanted to ride bitch, he'd climb on your back.

You look sweaty. Is that from cleaning or stripping?

Maybe if you had as many jobs as you do illegitimate children,

you wouldn't live in a camper. No offense, Darnell.

This is between you two ladies.

Are you all here to watch me and Earl do one of them super-slow run and hugs,

like they did in that movie Cherries of fire ?

I've been practicing.

That's sweet. I wish our boys would bond as brothers.

They keep playing this game called "eye pok."

It's all fun until one of them gets poked in the eye.

Hey, there he is.

Finally, it was the moment I had been working for all those months.

I was going to be free.

Randy, calm down, you're going to piddle on the rug.

Hey, guys.

Hey Ron. Open up. I'm getting out today.

I brought you a caramel apple cause all the sweet stuff is on the outside.

I've really been getting into food metaphors lately.

A lot's changed since you've been on the inside.

We got a problem.

You're not on the list of prisoners getting out today.

- What? - I hate to kick you when you're down,

but you're also not on the extra pudding list.

- What's the holdup? - I gotta talk to the warden.

He's not on the pudding list.

Earl, nobody loves pudding more than me,

but you gotta pick your battles!

You shredded my certificates?!

I thought you might be cheesed off. That's why I had them shackle you.

I'm sorry, but I'm not letting you out.

I know I should've said something earlier,

but I tend to ignore problems.

You'd be surprised how often they go away.

We had a deal! We shook on it, remember?

Both our hands were a little damp, so it made that farty noise and we giggled.

I know!

But all the help you've been giving me, has made me look so competent.

Even my wife is impressed.

She is talking about letting me get my own bank account.

I've done everything you asked me to! I'm supposed to go home today.

Come on! How about this for a deal?

You scratch my back and...

My back won't hitch.

Plus, I won't throw you in solitary.

Deal?

Okay, deal.

Deal with that!

What's the point of shackles if he can do that?

You can't do this! I'm supposed to be free!

Look, I'll let you out of solitary when you agree to help me.

What good is shackles if he can do that?

Man, we haven't stood outside of prison this long

since we went tailgating at that guy's execution.

For the record, I was protesting.

Whatever... This is clearly not happening.

Let's just get out of here.

Wait! You guys can't go!

We were going to build a human pyramid for Earl.

Now, it's just gonna be two people kneeling in a parking lot.

That doesn't say welcome home!

I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to go, too.

If I don't get a seat on the bus, I'm gonna have to stand.

It just feels like work.

He's going to hate this pyramid!

The point of solitary confinement is to break down a prisonner's mental state

by keeping him alone in a box 24 hours a day.

Fortunately state law said that,

each week, I had the right to a weekly prayer service.

Please kneel.

Unfortunately, the warden found a way around that law.

Amen.

I was also allowed a daily shower...

And an hour of exercise.

Charging!

After a while, I decided it was better to just stay in my cell

and find other ways to fill my time.

And reverse.

Double time.

I tried to keep my sanity by developing new hobbies.

Three words.

Movie.

First word.

Eyes.

Owl.

S-sleep, uh...

Uh, sleepless...

Sleepless in Seattle !

But that didn't work.

And, after a few weeks, my mind just took off on its own.

Don't want it!

You're just trying to fat me up for Thanksgiving!

Well, no one eats Earl J. Turkey.

Hey, flutes, just once, could you wait for my cue?

You ready to play ball?

Yeah, but you might have to carry me.

I've traded my legs in for magic beans.

I've disguised them as legs.

You broke just in time.

I need help getting this place ready for Christmas.

Just because the prisoners can't be with their families for the holidays

or get gifts or have a big christmas dinner,

doesn't mean they shouldn't have Christmas spirit.

- It's Christmas already? - Yeah, Christmas 2010.

I was just kidding.

Did you lose your sense of humor in there?

You want to lie down? You want to go stand in the yard?

I wish I could give you more options, but you are in prison.

Not for long.

What?

It's time to bust out of this place.

I knew breaking out of prison was going to be hard,

so I got the old gang back together.

Sure, I'll help you think of a way to escape

as long as you don't seek a dog on me and drag me back in like last time.

- Frank, again, we're sorry about that. - I'm just kidding. I'm over it.

I really don't how how to break out

but if you want a list of stuff that doesn't work,

I'm your guy.

Frank had a lot to teach us. Things like:

if you're going to disguise yourself as an infirmary nurse,

- make sure you don't look too pretty. - Female!

Also, don't try to sneak out when they throw away the old mattresses.

Got one.

Or if you do get over the fence, don't take time to celebrate.

We knew what didn't work. Now, we had to find a plan that did.

So, while I was stuck doing the warden's errands,

I kept my eyes open for weak spots.

I looked for loose drains...

I even checked to see if the fire alarm could create a useful distraction.

But that wasn't going to work.

Finally, I found a little opening.

Now, I had to figure out where that opening went.

It wasn't hard to find the prison blue prints.

The warden got lost so much, he had them laminated,

so he could take them with him on the way to the bathroom.

The problem was gonna be getting them back without anyone noticing.

So if we go into that air duct,

we'll have a direct path from that storage closet to the loading dock.

And then, boom, we're outside.

But getting to the dock is only half the battle.

We still have to get through the front gate.

Then they search everything, and I mean everything... even coffins.

I once spent seven hours spooning a dead guy for thing.

If we can't get past the front gate, we're back to square one.

But Earl, they don't search everyone.

Though Randy sometimes just says things to be a part of the conversation,

this time, he knew what he was talking about.

Let them through.

I frisked a nun one time, got the runs for two weeks.

It could have been God, it could have been a bad meatball.

Can't take any chances.

Since the prison had a mess every wednesday, I had a plan.

And the guys thought it was a good one.

I think this escape is the one that's going to work.