Whindersson Nunes: Adult (Whindersson Nunes: Adulto)

A NETFLIX COMEDY SPECIAL

This is Fortaleza!

Good evening, Fortaleza.

Yeah!

Thank you! Please give a warm welcome

to my keyboardist, maestro Caio César.

A round of applause for Caio César!

My man!

He's in charge of our soundtrack, so the show can be cool and fun.

I got married this year... to a woman! How cool is that? That's very good.

That's very good. Because we have to evolve.

People have to grow, right?

And today, thank God,

I have a standard of life I never thought I could have.

I'm telling you, for real.

I feel blessed for everything that's going on in my life.

And I don't forget anything I went through when I was poor.

I keep it deep in my heart

to help me keep my feet on the ground, my humility,

my essence, which is what you like about me.

Actually, it's what made you be here tonight, right?

And thank God--

I get emotional. I remember I used to ride...

What's that thing people ride on?

A bus. That's it, I used to ride the bus.

But it was a long time ago.

We have to grow, man. Learn how to share, you know?

Everybody must share things. No one can--

Let me explain it in a parable, so you understand.

Turn on the light we use when we talk to God, please.

Do we have it? That's it.

That's good.

Now, some smoke if you can, please.

They push a button and smoke comes out.

Go ahead.

Don't hold back. Go on.

Yeah. Give me some more smoke.

Turn this into a reggae concert.

Yeah, very...

That's it!

Over here.

It's all going that way.

That's it. Play a sad song for me, please. I'm going to explain.

Hallelujah.

There were three rats...

hungry...

alone...

not knowing where to go.

So, the first rat...

found a cheese crumb.

The rats got excited.

They said, "Yay!

Yay, we have cheese!"

So the rat in the back

looked at the rat who found the cheese crumb and said,

"Jerry...

are you going to share with us?"

Jerry said, "My friend, I'm hungry."

And he ate it all.

He didn't share.

The rats continued walking...

hungry...

alone...

aimlessly.

Then the second rat...

found another cheese crumb.

The rats happily said, "Yay!

Yay!

We have cheese!"

So the rat in the back looked at the second rat

who had found the second cheese crumb and said,

"Mickey...

are you going to share with us?"

And Mickey said, "I am hungry!"

He didn't share. He ate it all!

The rats kept on walking...

hungry...

alone.

They saw Ratatouille and a friend smoking crack in the middle of the street.

That's when the third rat...

found a whole cheese wheel, guys.

Look at the brother beside you and say, "A whole cheese wheel."

Poke him, brother, and say, "A whole cheese wheel."

The rats got excited.

They said, "Yay, motherfucker!

We have cheese for the whole year!"

So both rats...

who had found the cheese crumbs and not shared...

looked at the third rat and said,

"Stuart Little...

are you going to share that with us?"

Stuart Little, at that moment, his eyes filled with tears...

deeply moved...

because the other rats had found cheese but hadn't shared,

and he had enough for everyone.

It was time to teach them what was right.

He looked at them and said, "Fuck you. None of you shared!"

That's the lesson I have for you today.

Hey...

always share.

Because I was poor...

but not the usual type of poor. I used to say "sork."

"Enqual."

"Chulch."

The worst one, "berry button."

Many people here are saying, "Isn't it berry button?"

When I see old photos of myself, I think, "How could you like that?" I was born...

with my head the same size as it is today.

In school, I was called "Megamind," if you know what I mean.

Dreadful!

And my dad was happy.

He went to the hospital and said, "My son was born!

Is my son here?"

My dad went into a room

with a door that said, "Extremely Beautiful Kids."

Dad was never able to imagine what he and my mom would look like together

and realize that that wouldn't go well.

Dude, my dad is ugly.

He's my grandfather's worst sperm. He's ugly.

I'm always scared. When I see my relatives, they say,

"You're the spitting image of your dad." I'm like, "Oh, no!"

I didn't know how to do anything.

I was a kid from Piauí's countryside and the only thing I did was play soccer.

That's all I could do.

And not like the boys from São Paulo. Today, I live in São Paulo.

I see kids playing, and it's nothing like the kids here.

Zero. Nothing.

The kids are all like...

running.

Mom, from the 15th floor,

"It's time for your strawberry juice with strawberries!"

The kid goes running...

Have you noticed that rich kids run like someone's pushing them from behind?

All crooked.

No way!

And the boys want to hold our hands.

"Uncle Whinds--" I don't touch a 12-year-old's hand. It stinks of cock.

I just don't.

And sometimes it is not even theirs.

That's why I-- The whole time they're like...

Wash your hands, filthy brat.

I do hold old men's hands.

They don't touch their cock, only their pants, like this.

Old men are the best.

I can't wait to get old and tell everyone to fuck off, like old men do.

It's amazing.

If you think about it, old men are very cool.

Old men sleep... out of the blue.

And they say they don't.

What about the ones who sleep and move a little to say they're awake?

"Man, go sleep in your bed!"

Nothing stresses them. That's why I like old men.

Teenagers get stressed about everything.

They brush their teeth before school,

the toothpaste drips on their shirt... "I hate my family!" And they storm out.

Fuck you, you brat!

They get pissed.

Old men don't.

An old man is going out, he starts buttoning his shirt...

He sees the last one is misplaced and he says,

"Fuck this! I'll just tuck it in here."

He puts on a Nellore cap and leaves.

A sneeze is like a punch in the gut. Jesus Christ.

An old man's sneeze is the loudest thing you'll ever hear.

Teenagers seem to be afraid that others find out they sneezed.

They go... "Oh, sorry.

Gee!"

Old men may be in a novena.

Deep silence and he...

"I think I'm getting the flu."

And he leaves all...

"Whoever heard it, fine. Whoever didn't, screw you!"

That's the way they are. man. That's old men for you.

Now, teens...

For me, a kid from Piauí... It's crazy. Playing soccer is different.

The same thing happens here in Ceará.

If you compare kids from Ceará and from Piauí--

Actually, the whole north and northeast... Amazonas...

You notice that kids have a habit...

a "craze," as the elderly say, right?

You pass them the ball and they automatically,

when the ball touches their foot, their hand bends.

I don't know why, but it goes like this.

Immediately. It's touch and go...

What about the kicking grimace?

Until the ball lands on the ground.

That's what happens.

But we're very competitive.

Northeasterners love to win.

I was very competitive. I was a goalkeeper. I'd be like...

All twisted, like a crab.

But I wanted to win. I was good. The ball would come and I...

Over here, I'd be like... Then here and I... I'd catch everything.

But the kids didn't want me to catch. They tried to distract me.

They put four guys behind my goal,

playing and singing a song...

to distract me.

I was there, catching balls, and the drumming began.

They started singing...

Grab, grab, grab Grab my dick