South Park

All right, everyone. Listen up.

Today, we're gonna be showing you some art

from our Asian-American students, and --

Damn it, Leslie! Shut your fucking pie hole!

...From our Asian-American students

presented by student-body president,

Wendy Testaberger.

Hey, guys.

As you know, we have several new students

here at South Park Elementary.

We have been getting to know some of the Asian girls,

who have introduced us to an art style called "yaoi."

Yaoi is a blend of emotion and beauty

involving two people whose love is looked down upon.

The art tries to show that all love is magical,

like in Lisa Akimoto's piece,

"Tweek and Craig: Forbidden Love."

What?!

Kelly Zhou goes a bit more whimsical

with "Craig and Tweek Moonlight Dance."

Dude, what the fuck?

In yaoi art, the seme, or "top,"

is usually dominating the uke, or "bottom,"

as demonstrated in Heather Nishimura's

"Tweek and Craig: Boizu Rabu."

But yaoi can branch out to other things, as well...

Uh-oh.

...as we see here in "Lilly, Frog, Tweek, and Craig."

I just don't get it.

I mean, Tweek and Craig aren't gay, right?

No. We would know.

Well, but then why would Asian girls draw them like that?

Yeah, what is this yaoi thing all about?

I'm so co-confused.

And if it can happen to Tweek and Craig,

could it happen to any of us?

Uh, excuse me. Why are you doing this?

Oh, hi, Craig.

What? What did she say?

I don't know. That was Korean. I'm Japanese.

What is going on, huh?!

Me and him aren't together!

Why is this happening?!

Everyone thinks I'm gay!

What if my parents find out?! Aah!

All right, guys, I know there's been

a lot of rumors flying around.

Just wanted to check in, see if you have any questions for me.

Why are the Asian girls drawing pictures of us being gay?

What's wrong with being gay? Nothing wrong with that.

But we aren't. I'm not.

I'm not either!

That is completely irrelevant, okay?

What matters, and the reason I brought you in here,

is that you understand affirmative consent.

What's that?

If there is a romantic relationship here,

you have to make sure your partner is comfortable

with any sexual exploration.

Aah!

Now, in a gay relationship, it gets a little trickier,

but you still have to follow some guidelines, all right?

But I'm not gay!

I don't care about that, bro!

Tweek, if -- and I'm only saying if --

at some point, you wanted to touch Craig's penis,

you can't just go grabbing for it, all right?

You would need to say something like,

"Craig, is it all right with you if I touch your penis?"

Okay? Let's try it out.

No!

You want two weeks detention instead?!

This shit's important!

Craig, can I touch your penis?

Okay. Good. Now, Craig, you might say,

"You may touch my penis. I'm comfortable with that."

Or, of course, you could say,

"No, you may not touch my penis at this time."

No, you may not.

Okay. Now we're getting somewhere.

Now, Craig, what would you say

if you wanted to take a gander at Tweek's asshole?

Randy, you should have a talk with Stan.

For what?

I guess something happened at school today

involving two of Stan's friends being gay.

What?

Yeah, Stan seems really perplexed.

Wow.

Our town has only had a Whole Foods for three weeks,

and we already have our first gay kids.

So cool.

Go talk to him, Randy, and be delicate.

Hey, bud.

How's it hanging?

I'm confused, Dad. There was this thing at school.

Well, guess what.

You've got a really progressive P.C. dad

who knows all about this stuff, okay?

Go ahead. Ask me anything.

I just don't understand how it's decided.

Ah, well, you see, it's a combination

of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences.

No, I mean, like, what makes the Asians decide

who they're gonna make gay?

The Asians?

The Asians decide who's gonna be gay?

Uh, uh, yeah. Yeah, they do.

Uh, the Asians just, you know --

They just pick who they pick,

and, um, so it's the way it's always been.

So, you've heard of yaoi?

Yeah, of course.

Yaoi, anal intercourse, Maui Zaui.

I-I know all this stuff, Stan.

Oh, hey, Thomas!

Hey, we heard about Craig.

We think it's just terrific.

What about Craig?

Thomas, I'm so glad that Craig is finally happy.

Hey! It's Craig's dad, everybody!

Tweek's out of coffee, honey.

Oh, here you go, kiddo.

Tweek, is there anything you want to talk to us about?

No.

Well, we heard that you're gay.

And I want you to know we've never been so proud of you.

Oh, God!

We thought you were just a spaz,

but to know you've got so much going on inside...

We're so proud of you, Tweek.

Knowing what I know now,

I'm gonna be a much better dad to you.

In fact, I just --

I just want to give you some money, Tweek.

Can I give you some money?

Here. I-I love you so much, son.

Dude, Tweek and Craig.

It's just so weird.

If they've been gay this whole time,

have they been checking me out?

I'm pretty sure Craig has seen my wiener.

Should I kick his ass?

Oh, come on!

What's wrong with two guys liking each other?

I just don't understand it, Cupid Me.

Wanting to, like, kiss a dude?

But if love is love,

then it takes form in all shapes and sizes. Tee hee!

I guess just because I don't understand it

doesn't mean I shouldn't support it.

All right.

Maybe you can help them along.

Really? Can I?

Yes, Cupid Me. Make it quick. Don't let anyone see you.

Oh, thank you! I will!

Tee hee hee! Tee hee hee hee!

Tee hee hee!

Tee hee hee! Tee hee!

You just need a little spark of magic.

Tee hee hee!

And now I'm gonna pee in your mouth.

Love is in the air!

Did you do it, Cupid Me?

I hit him with my love arrow,

and then I peed in his mouth just for fun.

That's awesome!

That's so sweet!

I thought you might like that.

Yeah, dude. You're hilarious.

And do you think I'm cute, too?

'Cause I think you're kind of cute.

Stop that, Cupid Me.

I told you I'm not homosexual, okay? It's not funny.

Oh, well. At least Tweek and Craig are in love now.

Yep. School tomorrow should be really interesting.

And so then my dad talked to me about it. Yeah?

And my dad says Asians have always done this,

and they, like, do make people gay.

You guys! You guys! Hurry! What?

It's -- It's Tweek and Craig, dude!

They're about to have sex!

You got a fucking problem, man?

You're the one with the fucking problem!

I told you to stay 100 yards from me!

You better not fucking push me again, man!

Oh, God, you guys. Get a room.

Hello. Mr. Tucker?