The Office

At least once a year, i like to bring in

Some of my kevin's famous chili.

The trick is to undercook the onions.

Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot.

I'm serious about this stuff.

I'm up the night before pressing garlic

And dicing whole tomatoes.

I toast my own ancho chilies.

Oh! Jesus.

It's a recipe passed down from malones for generations.

Oh!

It's probably the thing i do best.

>> Someone is returning!

He started his own company, and now he's back.

Who could it be?

I'll give you a hint.

He is a man.

A man you have missed with all your heart.

A man who has ruined all other men for you.

Who is it?

>> Who is it? >> Who is it?

It's michael scott.

Hold it up.

Conference room, five minutes.

Well, i guess the first order of business

Is to welcome back me and pam and ryan.

And how about casual friday again, huh?

Reinstituting casual friday?

You all look great.

What i want to do right now

Is try something a little different.

I'm going to throw it out there, starting with this meeting.

I want you guys to run it.

I want you to say whatever you want,

Take it away.

Your meeting.

>> Wh-What are you doing?

>> If there is something

That you would like to say as a group,

Then by all means, you may say it to me right now.

>> Okay. >> Yes.

>> People are dressed inappropriately.

>> Take it up with toby.

What i want you to do

Is i want you to look inward.

And i want you to reflect.

And i want you to say something different.

>> Can you give us a hint?

>> When i needed salespeople for my new paper company,

Everyone here turned their back on me.

Am i going to ask them to beg for forgiveness?

No.

Am i going to ask for a big, crying apology?

No.

Am i going to ask them to slit their wrists for me?

No.

I just want a tiny, microscopic version of that.

Oscar, what were you going to say?

>> Nothing.

I didn't say anything.

>> All right.

>> Do i still have a job here?

>> Not important.

Okay, all right.

Yes. Yes, you have a job.

Frankly, you have a job because ryan and pam

Are starting with us as salesmen.

>> Wait, what?

>> How is that going to work?

>> It's going to work very smoothly,

Because pam and ryan are bringing over a ton of clients

From michael scott paper company and--

>> You mean the clients you stole from us.

>> Yeah, aren't we getting those clients back?

>> No, you lost those clients.

>> I call foul, sir. >> Okay.

>> You were bought out.

So the company then bought out all of the stolen clients.

>> Okay, dwight, let me explain something to you.

I set the rules and you follow them.

Blindly. Okay?

And if you have a problem with that,

Then you can talk to our complaint department.

It's a trash can.

>> Don't fall in love with me, kid.

Boscov's at the steamtown mall?

>> It sure looked good on the mannequin.

>> Well, you have good taste. >> Well, thanks.

I sure wish i had more time to talk to my clients, though.

>> What?

>> Isn't that what you said to a bunch of my clients

When you were stealing them?

That i didn't have enough time for them?

>> Oh, i, um...

>> Close your mouth, sweetie, you look like a trout.

>> The man is wearing sandals.

I don't need to see oscar's toes at work.

Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat!

>> Can't you just not look at his feet?

>> Excuse me?

Oh. You're so educated, aren't you, toby?

So trained to deal with a hysterical woman.

I don't want to look at his feet.

Do your job!

>> Well, i was in the seminary for a year

And dropped out

'Cause i wanted to have sex with this girl, cathy.

Followed her to scranton.

Took the first job i could find in h.R.

Later she divorced me.

So no, i wouldn't say i have a passion for h.R.

>> There you are, my friend.

>> Oh, thanks, man.

>> Pamela.

>> Thanks, michael. >> Yep.

>> Fresh hot ink.

>> "New file system."

>> Trust me, stanley,

You're going to want to read this memo very carefully.

>> I am not changing the way i do my files.

>> No. No.

This goes for all of you.

Believe me,

You are going to want to heat my words.

When held over heat,

The invisible ink will reveal

That everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately.

Do not ask me where i got the invisible ink.

Urine. It was urine.

>> I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes,

But i'm not going to drive home to change.

>> I could loan you a pair of socks.

>> No. >> No, they're clean.

I was going to wear them to volleyball practice later.

>> I don't think so.

>> Andrew bernard.

>> Okay, what are you still doing at your desk?

>> What are you still doing not at your desk?

>> Did you even read the memo?

>> All my files are now in reverse alphabetical order--

>> No, you idiot.

There is a code embedded in the memo.

Listen, you need to round up all the salesmen,

Except for ryan and pam,

And get them down to the warehouse pronto.

>> Oh, it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn.

>> Stop doing rhyming poetry.

Just tell them, please.

God, the simplest thing.

We're in crisis mode here, do you understand?

The two unqualified so-Called salespeople

Are being favored

Because they all failed together.

And frankly, i'm not convinced that michael and pam

Didn't have a thing going while they were gone.

>> Can i address that?

>> No, you're too close. >> Okay.

>> Stanley, how do you feel

About those two taking your clients?

>> It's not right. I don't like it.

>> He doesn't like it.

>> You don't take my clients away

And give them to a secretary.

>> No offense, jim.

I think she's very pretty.

>> Her face is okay, but.

Jesus!

What-- What are you doing here?

>> I don't know. I saw a crowd.

I thought there might be a dogfight or something--

>> Get out!

We need to do something.

I'm thinking maybe a coup or we take ryan hostage.

>> Those sound too harsh.

>> No, i'm not saying we do those things.

I'm saying something like those things.

>> Of course. What is like a hostage?

>> Excellent question.

>> We could write a strongly-Worded letter.

>> Words will never be enough.

>> Strongly-Painted picture.

>> No, pictures are too interpretive.

>> Can i just say something?

I know that tempers are high,

But i think the best way to handle this

Might be to just talk to michael directly.

>> Oh.

Well, that--

That's a great idea, jim.

Oh, i totally see your point.

Okay, we'll talk to michael directly.

So uh, meeting is over, i guess.

I'll see everyone upstairs. >> Great, see you upstairs.

>> Come on.

Guys. Psst, listen.

Now is the time for action. I'm talking action--

>> That was great. >> I know.

>> Why are you so mad?

>> You look so classy in that picture.

>> I do? Well--