Bloodstone

May your blood bring fortune to those who have good in their hearts.

May your blood bring death and destruction

to those who have evil in their minds.

Your blood will live in this stone unto eternity.

I gotta give you credit, Steph.

You really know how to pick your transportation.

There's always a price for Hindustani sabhyata.

Huh! It's all Greek to me.

Hindi. It means "the culture of India".

Yeah. On the way back, we take the plane.

You're the boss, Sandeep.

Two hours to Madras.

Madras, two hours.

Two hours to Madras.

Two hours to Madras. Madras, two hours.

- Excuse me. - Yeah, sure.

Two hours to Madras.

Thank you.

Unbelievable, an Indian train that's punctual.

Give it a chance.

There's still two hours for it to break down.

I hope not because I have important business to attend to in Bangalore.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself.

- Paul Lorre. - Sandy McVey.

- I'm Stephanie. - Pleasure.

Are you two married or just in love?

- We're... - We're in textiles.

- Booming business. - What kind of business are you in?

Strange, isn't it?

People always start a conversation by talking about their line of work.

They could always start with their sexual preferences.

- What about yours, Mr. Lorre? - Mine?

Line of work. What do you do?

I'm in the import/export business.

So, what's your problem? The price of the rupee is not going up.

Don't mind him, Mr. Lorre. He's got a warped sense of humor.

Deep down he's a great guy.

Well, I never doubted that, not for a second.

Exercise, old man, exercise!

Be quick on your feet, be deadly.

- Be aware! - Ow!

Thank you for spicing up my boredom.

A select group of people have been waiting for you to wake up.

Be in my office in two minutes.

And wash up. I hate the sight of blood.

I'm thrilled to hear you're interested, Baron,

but I too have an affinity for the stone.

So I think a deal is a trifle premature at the moment.

Let's just call it an offer for the time being.

Well, that's very kind but not nearly generous enough.

You see, to tempt me, you must excite me,

and those figures don't excite me at all.

No, I can't commit myself. It wouldn't be... fair to my passions.

No, you see, I collect myself.

I must see how much desire is left after I've been to bed with a ruby.

No, I don't mind talking on the phone.

Phone tapping in India, my dear Baron,

will probably be invented in a couple of centuries.

Goodbye.

All right, off you go.

Keep at a distance, observe but don't get involved.

Take two men with you.

Make sure Lorre is alone, not followed,

and safely on his way to Bangalore.

Buy yourselves some ice cream.

Something you're interested in, Mr. Lorre?

No, no, no.

Oh, the stone of blood.

Bloodstone.

Seems like a neat job, done right under Scotland Yard's nose.

Perhaps an act of justice.

The legendary ruby should be returned to India.

Amazing how quickly you read.

I just glanced.

Well, you can have it.

It's a reprint from the London Times.

Isn't it surprising what you can read between the lines?

The crime happened over 5,000 miles away.

You talk like a detective.

You forget, Mr. Lorre, I'm in textiles.

But the way it reads in the paper, someone very untalented

got really lucky with the bloodstone.

It certainly wasn't the work of a professional.

The Titanic, Mr. McVey, was built by professionals.

Noah was an amateur.

This is actually a considerable misfortune, sir.

It's rather important that we catch this particular train.

You miss one train, take another.

I'm prepared to pay you 130 rupees.

150, then.

150 American dollars.

We'll pay you in pounds.

Dollars. In advance.

If we don't make it on time,

we get our bloody money back.

Money, money, money, that's all people talk about.

Whatever happened to love?

Watch out!

Oh, my God!

Why don't you watch where you're bloody going?

Hold on.

Shut up, you stupid fool!

Look out! Look out!

Outrageous!

These taxi drivers get away with murder.

I still do not understand, Inspector Ramesh.

The telex from Interpol was very clear:

Mr. Lorre is on the 4:10 express from Bombay.

Why do we waste time double-checking it?

Ha-ha-ha!

Machines make mistakes, Inspector Maniam.

Pigeons do not.

You rely on your contraptions, I will rely on my pigeons.

I knew it!

The man is devious. He got off the plane in Bombay,

he missed his connection and took the express.

I told you, my pigeons never lie.

Outrageous.

Certainly wasn't one of mi...

That's extraordinary. Bang on time.

I don't feel at all well.

My friend, you have made a very wise investment.

Come on, follow me.

The Windsor is quite a delicious hotel. Most tourists stay at the Hilton.

Oh, but we're not tourists, Mr. Lorre.

We believe in the old saying: when in India, do as the Indians do.

The Indians don't stay at the Windsor.

You can always improve on those old sayings.

Besides, I'll let you in on a secret.

- We are not here just on business. - You're not?

We're not. It's a front.

- A front? - A front.

- Really? - Really. We're newlyweds.

- Ah! - A little of this, a little of that.

A little more of this, a lot more of that.

You see, Wellman Fabrics is my father's company

and while Sandy gets acquainted with the family business,

I'm getting acquainted with him.

Hard to believe just last week he was a cop.

Watch it, bloody fool!

What's the matter with you?

Beep! Beep!

Wait a minute! Let me walk by here!

Ridiculous contraption.

A rice cart, Inspector Ramesh, is not a modern contraption.

Nonsense! It attacked me.

I tell you, they know who their enemies are.

It's him.

Oh, shit!

Will you allow me to help with your luggage?

Oh, yes. Great. That would be just...

...great.

Sandy!

- Where is your tennis gear? - Right behind us.

I suppose we should part here before we get lost and separated. OK?

- Here's your bag. - Thank you, Mr. Lorre.

Good luck.

I wouldn't trust that guy if I was you.

Oh, he's just a harmless little man who's trying to help.

Over there, please.

Ah, Mr. Lorre, I recognize you anywhere. And don't deny it.

- Deny what? - Who you are?

- I know who I am. - I know who you are also.

- Who am I? - You know who you are.

- Who are you? - Who am I?

- Inspector Ramesh. - You heard the man.

- Now, follow me, please. - Why?

Because... Why? You know why.

- No, I don't know why. - Well, then, I'll tell you why.

Because I said so, that is why.

This way, please. This way, this way.

They got air-conditioning in the hotel?

Of course they have air-conditioning.

- (Sandy) Is there a problem? - (Shyam) No problem.

Hmm.

One day I must clean this.

Thank you.

Mr. McVey, your suite is prepared.

- I am Bramboo, at your service. - Yeah, nice to meet you.

This is for the ride.

I hope your stay in India is a pleasant one.

Yeah, I got that feeling right here. I won't forget India for a long time.

- Bye. - Yeah.

If all Indians are like him, I'm going to enjoy it here.

No!

Now I show you, bastards!

Can I leave now?

No, you cannot leave now, sir.

And pray tell why not?

- Because you are under arrest, sir. - On what charge?

On what charge? On what charge?

That is a very good question.

And here is my very good answer:

because you have tried to smuggle an illegal toothbrush into the country, sir.

Tell me, what kind of bristles are these?

I don't know, er... bristle bristles.

Regular toothbrush bristles. How should I know?

Aha! Just as I expected. This man is outrageous.

I wanna speak with my embassy.

I am so sorry, sir, but all of our phones are not working.