Mirage

What happened? Press the door button.

I think the electricity's off.

Where ya going, Louise?? I don't know, I just had to get out of there.

Mr. Haddock is grabby enough when the lights are on.

Hey, I could go in there, and he'd think he was you.

This'll probably make me late for the theatre.

What are you seeing?? Benefit. The whole thing. Deductible.

Yeah, I know, but what are you seeing?

You know, that thing with what's-her-name.

Hey, there's a live one. Go ahead, ask him.

Oh, you ask him.

Everybody's going to the boardroom in 2709...

The one with no windows?

We're having a party. Want to come? Tell him what kind!

It's a Braille party.

A what? Braille. Get it?

The touch system. Oh! Well, um... Thanks, but...

David? Hey! Don't do that!

Who is it? Josephson.

I just got a call to come up to C.C.'s office.

With all that inner holy light His Eminence is radiating these days,

he may not have noticed the blackout.

Stick around. It won't be long we have a drinkie! Oh, no chance.

I've already passed on one orgy. I have to go.

Not me. We're marooned on a mountain, bubi.

Whoever pulled that plug gave me a foolproof excuse for the wife.

Well, then, that lets me out, bubi baby.

I haven't anyone to cheat. I heard you were in the mood, sweetheart.

Well, don't take any wooden Indians. Ciao.

You know, I could be in a whole lot of trouble.

How come?? I was using that new machine, you know,

the one I could never figure out? Did you break it?

That wouldn't be so bad. I'm scared I broke the whole building!

Would you help me, please?

It was foolish of me to start down alone in the dark.

It's like being buried alive.

I promise to behave myself!

Don't worry. I can always scream for help.

Well, isn't it though? What?

A small world. I heard you were back.

I really am very glad to see you!

If I could see you, that is. Well, slow down a minute.

You wouldn't happen to know why he did it, would you?

Cut off the electricity, I mean.

If it were anyone else, I'd say it was a practical joke,

but not the Major, he never would have...

Don't you ever stop to take a breath?

Look, I'm sorry, but I haven't been away.

I don't know any Major, and I'm afraid I've never seen you before, either.

Believe me, I'd remember.

But your voice! I tho... That's all right.

After 27 flights of stairs, we may wind up being old friends.

We better get started. I don't trust this light.

I think the entire building's gone mad.

Everyone's running around trying to rescind

the Ten Commandments.

I've never understood why most people will do things in the dark...

that they'd never think of doing in the light.

I'd explain it to you, but I'm afraid the lights might come back on.

Well, I'm serious!

If we can lie, cheat, steal and kill in broad daylight,

and have to wait till it's dark to make love,

something's wrong somewhere.

I'm beginning to wish I were that friend of yours.

What happened to 13? I don't think there is one.

The natives are superstitious. And you're not superstitious.

No, I'm bushed. Couldn't we stop and rest a minute?

Oh, don't be a sissy. I'm a girl. I'm supposed to be a sissy.

Ah, one of us should have counted the steps.

Maybe we'd qualify for the Olympics.

Boy, let's just say we climbed it because it was there.

I'm not as horrible as all that.

I knew it was you.

That was a stupid joke.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Look, my name's David Stillwell.

What's yours?

Wait a minute!

What did I say?

Wait!

Wait a minute!

Where are you going?

Dead? Who is it, do you know?

I can't see. A man or a women?

Did you see him jump? No, I always miss those things.

Did you notice which window? No, but I...

Which floor then? I don't know.

What's the matter?? Couldn't he wait for the elevator?

Just stand back. It's the worst way to go.

The worst. If I had the guts to step out of that window,

I'd have had the guts to go on living.

Been a lot of suicide lately. Two in our building already this year.

I got smashed last summer, and dropped a watermelon

out of our living room window.

We're on the 14th floor. What on earth for?

Haven't you ever wondered what a watermelon would sound like,

from 14 floors up? Okay, what'd it sound like?

About like he did.

Hello, Eddy. Usual, I guess.

The usual? Scotch and lemon peel.

Give me some change, will you, Eddy? Yeah.

Haven't seen much of you lately.

Yeah, I uh, skipped lunch.

Hey! What are you doin' here?

I thought it was you.

I knew it was you.

That'll be 90 cents.

I said, that'll be 90 cents.

Sorry.

??

Could you tell me where the stairs are? Louder!

Could you tell me where the stairs are?

The ones that lead down to the sub-basement. There aren't any!

There aren't any what? Stairs!

Or sub-basements. This is it!

But I was just down there! A few minutes ago!

Not in this building you weren't, and you're not even supposed to be here.

Now beat it, I'm busy!

Evening, Mr. Turtle.

Oh, don't tell me. Your name is Mister, um...

Mr... Stillwell, right? Well, I'm glad you found it.

The way it's been going, I'm not too sure myself.

I know you on account of you're the only man in this whole building

who can say my name without makin' it sound like a joke.

Know what I mean?

You work with Mr. Josephson, don't you?

Do you know what he calls me? Sweetheart.

You're losing touch. Sweetheart's what they call total strangers these days.

Oh yeah? He says it next time and I'll sock him.

You can call me Joe.

The man who jumped. You know who he was? Mm-mm.

It was a big one, I can tell you that.

Look here. The mayor...

went up five minutes ago, shortly after the lights came back on.

First jumper we've ever had that rated the mayor.

Joe, do you know why the lights went out?

Oh, it was someone upstairs playing God, most likely.

A man living that high up gets aspirations, you know.

Hmm. Well, thanks, Joe. Okay.

Evening, Benny. Mr. Stillwell. Long time, no see.

Well... No, not you, too.

Press your floor button, please.

Going up!

Thanks very much. Would you push seven, please?

I just did.

Stand back from the doors, please, and face the front of the car.

Don't these things just kill ya?

I kind of miss the old guys who used to run 'em.

I tell ya, it's beginning to look like people are on their way out altogether.

Well, maybe the machines will keep us around for pets.

Seventh floor. Please wait until the doors

have completely opened before stepping from the car.

What are you doing for dinner tonight, honey? Watch your step, please.

Say, I wonder if you'd have a few minutes you could spare?

Sorry, but it's been quite a da...

Wha... What do you want?

Inside.

Quite a day.

All right, move!

I don't keep a lot of cash around.

Nice!

It's even nicer when there's no-one holding a gun in it.

They got wrestling coming in from Chicago.

I know it's supposed to be fixed, but so is everything else.

Why don't you just take this set?

Ah, now that all the westerns have gone psycho,

this is the only place left where you can tell for sure

who the bad guys are.

The uh... The Major wants to see you.

If it were anyone else, I'd say it was practical joke,

but not the Major.

The Arab forcing Lord Percy into the ropes.

Major who? Ah, now, look at that!

The Arab's got the rope around Lord Percy's neck!

Come on, Percy! Slip out of it, will ya, fella?

...and jumps his man for the press. One...

You better pack a bag, Mr. Stillwell.

Your plane leaves Kennedy in less than two hours.

Leaves where? Idlewild. They changed the name.

Where have you been?

I'm beginning to wonder.

W-Well, why the airport?

Isn't the Major in New York?

Well, sure. Sure, he's here.

But he doesn't want to see you here, he wants to see you there.

In Barbados. You're lucky.

I hear the weather is gorgeous in Barbados.

I wish you'd stop looking as if I'm supposed to know

what you're talking about. Look out with the hat!

Into the ropes he goes. Up and over he goes again.

Time for the press. One, two... look out.

I can't just leave the country.

I have a job. They'll ask questions.

There won't be any questions.

Well, I have one.

Suppose I refuse to go?

Well, that's up to you.

You see that? Now that case of yours

goes to Barbados tonight, with you or without you.

Now the Major would like it if you'd bring it yourself,