The IT Crowd

Jen, have a listen to this.

Moss, have you seen the newsletter?

Does this sound mysterious?

Yeah, yeah, it's quite mysterious.

I was hoping for "ruddy mysterious".

It's fairly mysterious.

I'm compiling a playlist for a role-playing game I'm hosting.

Important to get the right atmos.

Okay, I don't know what you're talking about.

Kind of like a Dungeons & Dragons thing.

Oh, is this something to do with sex?

Ha! Far from it, Jen. No, you see, in role-playing,

one person is a dungeon master or game master or keeper.

He or she controls the world and tells the players what they're experiencing,

whether it be battling with a coal monster

or just kicking back in a smelly old tavern with some roguish elves.

Played over a few hours, the game employs dice rolls

to determine the outcome of certain events.

Now, unlike most board games you might be familiar with,

role-playing games often use a 20-sided dice...

- Moss? - Yeah?

- I want to stop listening to this. - I completely understand.

So, in the world we actually live in,

a post has opened up for Entertainments Manager.

I could do that. That sounds great!

Better than whatever this job is. Entertainments Manager.

It's not for you, Jen.

What are you talking about?

"Organising cultural events for visiting business partners."

That is so me!

It's not, though. It's really not for you.

Oh, what am I talking to you for? Where's Roy?

Not in yet.

Is he still moping about after that girl?

Worse than ever. Thank God he can't play guitar.

Have you seen the pictures?

Pictures? There's more than one of these?

Yup, there's a butt-load.

And she's Photoshopped out of all of them?

Yeah. It's like someone broke up with Stalin.

It's such a shame.

I've never seen him happier than he's been the last few months. And now...

- Oh. Hi, Roy. - Hi, Roy.

It's okay. You were obviously talking about me.

- No, no, no... - It's fine.

I realise I haven't been the easiest person

to be around the last few weeks,

but I really feel like I've turned the corner now, I really do.

So, if we could all just carry on as normal...

My God, oh, my God...

I feel like I've come out the other side of it now,

so everything's going to be okay from here on...

My heart hurts!

You do seem better than yesterday.

But Roy, you've got to snap out of this.

- I know, I know! - Some things just don't work out.

I know you're not used to being in a long-term relationship.

It's really rare for me!

It's so rare.

But take it from me, most of them just don't work out.

She's right, Roy.

- And how would you know? - I do all right.

When?

Well, if you must know, I met a girl on holiday.

They're always on holiday, aren't they, Moss?

Oh, shut up, Dumpo, the elephant who got dumped!

- Hey, hey! - Well...

No, no, it's okay. I'm... I'm all right.

I mean, I'm still a bit... You know, she never said goodbye.

So I just kind of... And you know, it still just hurts

just a little bit whenever I... whenever I think about her.

So I guess all I have to do is just never think about her!

"Simples!" Oh, she used to love that ad!

It's not for you, Jen.

What? Why not?

Entertainments Manager? Do you know what that involves?

Well, from what I can gather, it's just organising cultural events

for out-of-town business partners.

That's right. Yes, yes. It's not for you.

But as far as I can see,

it won't interfere with my duties in the IT department.

I love culture. I've seen We Will Rock You four times!

Oh.

Well, Jen, I'd love to help you, but traditionally,

the role of Entertainments Manager has always been held by a man.

Mr Reynholm, I don't need to remind you of the report

that denounced Reynholm Industries

as "an institutionally sexist organisation"?

Now, you hold on a minute, sugar tits!

Everyone saw through that report.

And I even got that award off those feminists.

The one shaped like the ice cream fellow.

That's a Shithead of the Year award.

It actually says it on the base. "Shithead of the Year."

Did you not read the base?

Oh!

- Oh, God. - Women, eh?

What are they? Who knows?

Don't do this.

Can't live with them, can't find them, sometimes.

What's going on in their little heads? Don't ask me!

I'm not a flippin' women's psychiatrist.

But I have learned one or two things from conversations with my mother.

No. No, Moss, please.

Don't go any further. Just stop right there!

You're no good at this kind of thing, Moss.

You'll just make it worse!

Sorry, it's just... I've never seen you like this.

No, I know, but I'll be fine. I will... It's just...

You can't help with this. You just can't.

- I got it! I got the job! - What?

Douglas gave me the job so I'd stop talking!

Jen's Entertainments Manager.

It's not for you, Jen.

Why does everyone keep saying that?

- What happened to Jerry? - Massive heart attack.

I'm not surprised!

Why are you not surprised? Why is it not for me?

Jerry was, uh... He was the company Fredo.

You're the new Fredo!

I don't know what you're talking about.

Fredo. From The Godfather

Who's Fredo again? Who's he in it?

You know, he's the brother,

whose job it is to take out-of-town businessmen and...

Show them a good time, yeah! That's what I have to do.

I was thinking West End show...

No, no. No, no, no, Jen. I don't think you understand.

These men are going to expect a lot more than a West End show.

Fredo, Jen, he was...

- He was sort of a pimp. - Oh, shut up.

- Wasn't he, Moss? - What?

Fredo, in the film, he was... He was essentially a pimp.

No! He took the ring to Mordor.

Fredo was a pimp.

No. No, that film was the '70s.

Things are different now. Businessmen are different.

Anyway. Enough about our balls!

Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Jen.

Ah...

- Marvellous. - Lovely.

No, no, no, no. Jen's our new Entertainments Manager.

But she's a woman, isn't she?

Jen, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, Phil,

and two men named John.

What are you up to, Reynholm?

Don't you worry, Phil.

Jen may look like an old maid holding pennies in her arse,

but she knows the sleaziest routes round this old town I like to call Londinius.

And I'm sure she's planned something suitably raucous for you reprobates.

Well, yes, yes. I have tickets for a wonderful show in the West End.

- As long as it doesn't have subtitles. - Subtitles? No.

- Whoa! What's got subtitles? - This thing she's bringing us to.

Subtitles? Oh, God!

I can't read while I'm also trying to see things!

No, no, it's a show, it's a show. There's no subtitles.

I hate subtitles. What happened to Jerry?

His heart exploded.

Brilliant!

No, he's quite seriously ill.

That's classic Jerry!

Ah, yes.

Jerry wouldn't have brought us to something with subtitles.

There's no subtitles, it's a show!

Come on, Jen, what type of show?

Well, uh... Yes, well, it's very raunchy, yes.

I... I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Women in it?

Yes, it's an all-woman show. It's very rude.

- An all-woman show. - And it's rude!

Eiffel Tower!

Oh, I'm so, so sorry, I really can't apologise enough.

I've never been so embarrassed in my life!

That woman was in EastEnders! How dare you humiliate her?

It's not our fault you took us to something called The Vagina Monologues,

you get there, and it's just women talking.

That's false advertising!

Look, we're in town for five more days,

you'd better have something proper for us to do.

And the next time you take us to something about talking fannies,

it had better be about talking fannies!

I know you had good reasons for giving me this award.

I should never have done that interview. But that journalist had an agenda!

There's more. "Women are a kind of savage animal,

"whom men have civilised with their insatiable sexuality."

What don't you like about that?

"Women are essentially no different from radiators."

"I like my women like I like my toast. Hot..."

"And consumable with butter."

You don't have to remind me.

I'm all too familiar with my misguided words.

Ladies, listen, no one could mistake me for Gok Wan.

I have an old-fashioned mindset but, damn it, at least I try!

And Reynholm Industries is changing, ladies, for the better.

The glass ceiling is now a glass floor.

The women are floating above it and the men are just looking up at them.

So what do you want from us?

What?

Oh! Please take that award back and give it to somebody else.