Twisted Metal

Come on.

You guys are so dramatic.

I heard you were sneaking around our gate.

Trying to find a way out, eh?

Cute.

Grab a seat.

I insist.

Okay.

You know,

this gun was handcrafted

in 1862 during the American Civil War,

designed specifically for dueling,

when things get up close and personal,

when you're at war with your neighbor.

Hmm, the bullets are tiny. Don't do shit.

I could say the same about you.

And I'm surprised you'd leave us.

I thought for sure you'd want to watch

your friends in the final round.

Those losers aren't my friends.

Fuck them, and fuck you, you weirdo.

I just want to get out of here.

You are delightful.

And I would wish you bon voyage,

but you got a peek at something you shouldn't have.

I didn't see anything.

Good. There was nothing to see.

Maybe that's why I didn't see it.

- See what? - Exactly.

Oh, and if it's all the same,

I'd like to have you as my guest for the final round.

Just to be safe.

It'd be my fucking pleasure.

Wunderbar.

Rise and shine.

The final round of the tournament is here.

In honor of your last morning as my guests,

I've arranged a special treat.

Who loves breakfast?

All righty.

Let's do bacon and cheddar on the first one.

On the second one, let's go a little more intercontinental.

Let's do mushies, feta, oh, and is that pesto?

Oh, yeah, let's do that.

- And for you? - Cheese.

Not so much to say

now that all your little buddies are gone, huh?

I can make new buddies.

But you only had one, and now it's gone.

Harold would want me to kill you,

and I will in his honor.

God, you're a fool.

You've had it in for me

ever since I came to Blackfield.

Blackfield was my asylum.

I was the most popular murderer.

And then you show up

like king shit of fuck mountain.

Nobody steals my spotlight.

Oh, I'm going to be stealing a lot more than that

when this is all said and done.

It's gonna be a pleasure to finally put you in the ground.

Yeah, I bet you think you're going to suck me inside of you.

And I'm telling you right now, it ain't happening.

I don't want you inside of me. I want you dead!

Your omelet, sir.

Ooh, is that a salsa bar?

Me llamo hungry. Olé!

Are people aware of how much better

sex in a bed is?

We... Should we tell them?

All I know is you couldn't hit that angle in Roadkill.

Oh, man.

Hey, where are you going?

Come back. For all we know,

the tournament could start tomorrow.

You should try and relax.

I just need to be ready.

I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff.

Yeah, my stomach is all twisted too.

Look, if you're worried we're not going to win...

It's not that.

I'm worried what it'll take to win.

We knew Calypso wasn't going to make it easy on us.

That's what makes your wish...

Our wish worth it.

But if we both make it through this...

John, if we both make it,

that means we each got to get through Raven

and Sweet Tooth and Grimm.

- I know it sounds impossible. - That's putting it lightly.

- The odds are against us. - Fuck the odds.

We keep fighting until we don't have to anymore.

That's all we can do.

All right?

We keep fighting.

Hmm, I notice you didn't mention Mike or Stu.

Oh, yeah. Maybe we can win.

We're almost at the finish line.

This is it.

It's all I got left of Dave.

He was simple,

but also complex, you know?

Anyway, may his soul rest as he lived,

chill as hell.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

It's the only way.

You do it.

I'm not strong enough.

It's done now.

I know Dave was an eater of man.

He probably would have eaten my ass, too.

When I was alone out there, man, he...

he had my back.

I should have come back for you.

I was a coward.

My best friend was probably murdered,

and I just sat there and let it happen.

Never again, dude.

I'd fucking die for you, Mike.

I won't lose you again.

We ain't dying today.

We're gonna go get that wish.

Hell yeah we are.

- Fuck you! - Bring it here, man.

- Sorry. - It's okay.

- I love you, bro. - I love you too.

We need to let May down easy.

She assumes she's coming with us.

Right. That's why I'm saying if you break it to her easy,

she might be more chill.

Okay. She won't, but you'll listen to you.

- She looks up to you. - Yes, I know.

That's because I'm the cool friend.

You're more of, like, an authority figure,

like a dad.

I do not give off dad vibes.

Says the man who grunts when he stands up.

Oh, my back, my back.

Okay, all right, Rochambeau for it. Ready?

What the hell is that?

It's a gun.

Gun beats tire. Tire beats road.

No, that's not how you play.

Also, rock crushes gun. I win!

Damn it, I never thought about a rock.

Mayhem?

Where the hell is she?

Hey!

Stu?

I'm okay. I'm fine.

Thanks for the hand, dude.

So, does anybody else have a bag on their head?

Drivers!

Reveal yourselves!

Welcome to the final round!

My friends,

insiders and outsiders alike,

you have watched these six drivers compete

round after round,

destroying anyone and everyone

who stands in their way.

Wait!

They've been watching us the entire time?

Come on, Stubert, Let's scoot out of here-aah!

Listen to them! They love me!

Yes!

Fuckin' sheep.

I've never seen this many people in one place before.

I know. It's so many.

And half of them hate us.

Oh, shit. There's Mayhem.

She's got good seats.

You think she's okay?

Hmm, she seems fine.

It's better up there with him

than she would be down here with us.

Today, insiders and outsiders

join each other in celebration.

And is there a day more appropriate for unity

than Christmas?

This time of year was always about hope.

And my drivers have shown you

that if you work hard enough

and pull yourself up by your hubcaps,

you too can achieve miracles.

You can have your greatest wish granted.

I think I'm missing something here, Stu.

What's with all the wish talk?

It's the entire reason we're here.

First I'm hearing of it.

Dude, we talked about the wish

in the weird well room place.

You wanted to keep the coin.

I thought he was joshing.

Joshing? Why would he be joshing?

I don't know, I mean, he seems like a josher,

you know, sneaky, the kind of guy

who'd make you throw away a perfectly good coin

in some dirty water