Kenan

All right, thanks for the ride.

All right.

Well, have a good time at Six Flags, family.

Or you could come in and help.

Hmm.

Rides and treats with a grandpa

who will let us roam the park alone

or clean out a grandma's musty old basement.

What to do?

Fair. Yeah.

What have you done with my sweet little girl?

I want her back. -Come on, let's go.

I should be barfing off the side

of a roller coaster right now.

Why can't Bobbi clean out her own basement?

Because she's still in Italy with her boyfriend, Giancarlo.

With a fancy name like that,

you would never guess he was a plumber.

Well, he's sure snaking somebody's drain.

No. Go.

Oh! That ain't right.

No, it's not. Get outta here.

-Ooh, good to be back home. -Yeah.

Still smell like cake in here.

That's crazy. -Uh-huh.

We here, Mama.

Hi, my babies.

I'm still in the Amalfi Coast.

Look, isn't it beautiful?

Giancarlo and I are just having

a little postcoital espresso.

Postcoital? Ma-- What is she sayin'?

Mama, speak English.

Nah, actually, Mama, don't speak English.

Is there anything in the basement you want to keep?

Oh, I don't want none of that old junk.

Take what you want. Trash the rest.

We'll be sure it's nice and clean by the time

you get back, Ma. - Oh, thank you, sweetheart.

Look, I gotta go.

Giancarlo and I are going to visit the cathedral.

Oh, that's nice.

And then it's back here for more coitus.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, do all the Italian stuff

while you're out there, Ma.

Hey, you know what?

Why don't you go on downstairs

and then google "coitus" on your way down?

All right.

Kenan, you didn't tell your brother

what's going on with the house?

Yeah, no, I will.

But I'm just waiting on the right time.

You know how emotional he gets.

Ugh, coitus means sex.

Why, Mama? Damn!

So don't worry, Mama.

The junk people will be here in a couple of hours,

so at the end of the day, no matter what happens,

the basement'll be empty.

All right? Piece of cake.

Where the hell do we start, man?

Man, I don't know.

Well, why don't we start with your little baby teeth?

Ugh.

These ain't mine.

The tooth fairy took mine,

and I spent that cash already, so...

Yeah.

Ooh.

Oh, man, there is nothing in this freezer

but an old frozen ham and a Tupperware

that says, "Gary's lasagna. Keep out!"

Yo, I forgot all about this!

Don't open that, man. It's old as--

-Mm-hmm. -Now, wait a minute.

That is not the delicious lasagna I grew up on, man,

That is butt-naked ladies.

Yes, the sweet, delicious butt-naked ladies I grew up on.

-Yeah, you did. -You know what I'm sayin'?

Well, you know, a lot of them ladies

is probably grandmamas now. -Ah, most of them dead.

And it's up to me to keep their memory alive,

and I sure will right around lunchtime.

You know what, Gary? I don't know if I've

told you this lately, but you are quite the catch.

Yeah. Speaking of catch.

My old ball sack.

-You are disgusting. -Yes.

But clever.

Oh, and look, the hoop is up.

Let's go. Come on. -You know what time it is.

-You know what time it is. -Come on, now.

Unh, wassup? -1997.

-Defense. -Charlotte Hornets.

Muggsy Bogues sky hook. -What?

Oh, dang. -Oh.

Come on, run it back. Run it back.

Yo, Gary. You trying to hoop? -Yeah.

Let's go.

Just let me finish drawing this thugged-out Salem.

I think it's wack that you like "Sabrina" comics.

But those drawings are dope.

Man, I'm gonna read a comic about

someone running around in tights,

it might as well be a fine-as-hell witch.

Now, check ball.

Jordan's got the ball. Can he get past Shaq Fu?

Oh, you gonna get posterized.

Oh, yeah, huh?

You made it. -Hell yeah, I did.

All by myself. I wrecked you.

You were straight trash, and I was the incinerator.

Ain't that right, wack Shaq?

For real? That's how you gonna do me?

-Yup. -Come on, Kenan, let's go.

Is he gonna be on TV?

I don't know. The talent scout lady

from the mall, she wants him to audition

for a movie, so who knows how far he'll get?

All I know is, the kid is ready for his close-up.

The kid should pull his zipper up first.

Oh!

Go get 'em, fam.

Jordan for the win.

-Oh! Whoo! -Oh! Came with a shot!

The Williams brothers legacy, boy.

All started right here in this basement.

Man, I can't wait to show my kids.

Yeah, you know, you and Carrie should probably

go on and have some.

Maybe in the next two weeks.

Sorry, what was that? Two weeks?

-Gary. -Hmm?

Home is a place we all must find, child.

-Oh, my God. -It's not just a place

where you eat or sleep.

Okay, cut out "The Wiz" quotes man.

Just tell me the bad news. What's up?

All right, well, the reason

we need to clean this basement out today is...

because Mama's selling the house.

What?

Why would Mama be trying to sell our home?

Because she's been traveling for the last couple of years

and she wants to spend more time

in Italy with her boyfriend.

You remember, Gian-coitus?

-Why y'all ain't tell me? -Because we knew you would

flip out, much like you're doing now.

You are a very emotional person.

Emotional! Me? Emotional!

Oh, I'd kill you if I didn't love you so much.

God.

You always do this.

-Don't do it. -Do what?

Don't you lock me in this basement again

like when we was kids.

Ain't nobody trying to do that.

I'm grown. I'm a grown-ass man now.

Stop inching toward the steps.

I ain't inching towards nothing.

I'm a grown man. -Stop inching.

I don't gotta do nothing you say.

Gary! Gary!

Ow!

Boy, if I catch you!

Oh, why are you so fast?

Like an emotional baby cheetah.

Yeah, catch your breath, Kenan.

Oh, hush up!

Gary, open the door.

Nah, player.

Look, I should have told you that Mama

was selling the house.

I just wanted to break it to you at the right time.

Stop acting like I can't handle things.

-Gary, open it. -I said no.

I should have told you when I booked the movie

that I'd be gone for six weeks.

I just felt bad. -You should feel bad.

You're breaking up the Williams brothers summer

for that stupid movie.

Nobody's asking for "Black Goonies."

That's just a temporary title.

Come on man, open up.

Please?

All I wanted was to have another

Williams brothers summer.

I'm sorry, but six weeks isn't that long.

Are you kidding?

Jason killed 100 campers in six weeks.

No, he didn't kill the campers.

He killed the counselors

and a couple of no-account drifters.

That still made my point, though.

Look I still got a week before I have to go.

You want to play some football in the living room?

Falcons versus Eagles.

Now, y'all know better. No football in this house.